


Jackbox

by keyxkeeperx



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Blowjobs, Dubious Consent, Flirting, M/M, Mind Games, Romance, Stabbing, Swearing, Violence, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-10-04 22:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10292102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keyxkeeperx/pseuds/keyxkeeperx
Summary: Bruce Wayne just wanted to get through one Charity Event.Joker just wanted money and a show.Now it seems as though the Joker has found a brand new toy to play with in his off time and Bruce couldn't be more annoyed by this turn of events.





	1. You Can't Be Serious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I remember the days when I used to write a TON of fanfiction....when I was like in middle school and honestly really shitty at writing. I don't write fanfiction like at all any more, but I still read way more than is what is probably healthy. BUT as an author in search of more ways to practice their craft I figured...I might...TRY for batjokes. Teetering on the edge gazing into the depths of fanfiction and contemplating jumping back into that life once more has been plaguing me for ages now after all. Even had a couple attempts at starting but unless someone requests it of me I don't do it anymore.
> 
> I have absolutely not enough practice on characterization and intimate-type events so that is probably what this fic is going to be mostly. Less story driven, more interaction driven.
> 
> Also, this series isn't taking place in any canon universe with a specific set of events. Characters and themes may jump into the story eventually but I will add that shit as I go along.
> 
> Please enjoy and feel free to hound me on grammar and spelling mistakes. I deserve it.

 

Skin peaked out from underneath folds of fabric as ladies twisted and smiled and swayed to the music with their partners. The lighting made their skin shine nicely, golden tones nice and lively as they chatted up their next conquest, Bruce contemplated if it would be prudent to hunt for prey as well tonight. He passed on a charming smile, just enough teeth to appear welcoming and added on a comment about the nearest painting that everyone in the circle had been glancing towards.

A slap on an arm and the group split up to find another group to mingle with. Pleasantries and a “my horse is bigger than yours” contest pervaded the atmosphere as it seemed to do at all charity events. Since his return a few months ago not only as Bruce Wayne, but as Batman, this was possibly the seventh party he's attended and it was quickly shortening his patience. Already being Bruce Wayne was becoming a chore.

He caught his reflection in the window and trailed his eyes along the pieces of flesh barely concealed by his thick white shirt. Just under the surface, only he and his butler Alfred knew, laid numerous cuts and bruises from his most recent battle with the Joker. Beneath the cuffs a bandage barely peaked out covering a long slice on his wrist. His shoulder painted with bruises that his suit thankfully concealed.

A deep breath as he proceeded through the room, perusing the paintings offered for the charity event whilst also perusing the atmosphere that each group separately and as a whole provided. As a normal billionaire playboy with a business to run this event was perfect to silently announce who he was to the world. Donate to a charity, purchase a painting or two, take home some saucy gal looking for some excitement home with him tonight for a bought of meaningless passion. The media eats this kind of shit up, but he can’t help but to wonder how much of it is the truth anymore. This is who everyone expects him to be. They can’t know about his other side.

A swirl of black and grey converging into a lone figure standing watch next to a gargoyle upon a roof. Eyes red and menacing, ears pointed, the Batman was certainly a more intimidating figure next to the actually winged creature with blank eyes and bared fangs. His eyes slid down the painting as he attempted to hide a smirk. The first real sighting of the Batman was barely three weeks ago. Someone was a quick painter, and an excellent one at that.

One woman with red hair pinned up in a bun and dressed modestly approached him as he gazed at the painting. Her eyes maintained a shield of professionalism but they still spoke of hope. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was hoping for.

“One of my students at the orphanage insisted that I showcase this painting tonight for the event.” She gestured to the name. “They were so proud of this one I just couldn’t say no.”

“Who was it that painted this?” there was no name but merely a symbol of a boxed “x” rounded and jagged.

“She’s very shy so she doesn’t like to put her name out there much. It’s the orphan who insisted that this be her contribution to the charity event.”

“She has amazing attention to detail, although I didn’t think there were many good shots on what he looked like.” His eyes outlined the shape of the body and face as well as the shades of color used. Clearly the student caught a good glimpse of him at some point, enough to draw a near replica of his figure. The teacher nodded.

“She says she saw him a few times, but a lot of it is artistic input.” Bruce smiled and looked to the woman.

“It’s very rude of me not to introduce myself, my name is Bruce Wayne.” he held a hand out to her.

“It’s ok, I already know who you are. I’m sure most everyone here does. I am Cassie Holt. Have you seen any paintings tonight that catch your interest?” Bruce’s eyes began to wander around the room. The push and swell of the people had stilled considerably from how it was five minutes ago. Almost as though they were being boxed in.

“Well there are a few i’m considering looking in to, but I find myself more inclined to commission some.” he saw the waiters at the edges of the room. Stiff and still at the doorways, as though they were waiting for something.

“Oh?”

“Yes, I think i’d like to hear more about our budding artist and the orphanage.” he caught how her eyes glittered in the light at this admission. The smile peeked from her lips before she could stop herself.

“It’s a small struggling place, we do what we can but funds are tight. Our star artist whipped up this painting for us to use to get some money but she’s so smart and notices the strangest things sometimes I swear,” the laugh was genuine but Bruce was having a hard time listening and keeping his mask on. The hairs on the back of his neck rose.

Just as he feared gunshots sprang forth and screams erupted into the night. His eyes focused on the front door, it was clearly being guarded by some waiters. A shockingly familiar laugh erupted from the other side as the door were shoved wide open revealing a sickly white face done up with makeup and red lips. He couldn’t see the telltale signs of scars on that face from the other side of the room, but he remembered them well.

A hair raising cackle tore through the room by the white faced intruder. People in clown masks rushed in and many of the waiters donned on their own masks and pulled out guns. Ladies and gentlemen screamed and gasped alike. Guns drawn and pointed to push the crowd further into the room.

Half a minute passed before Bruce remembered to change his expression for shock and terror. It didn’t feel as genuine as it could have. His mind was more preoccupied by tracing the room for anything worthwhile. Escape routes, important people, weapons, anything and everything he had already documented at least a dozen times in the past few hours he had been here.

“Helllloooo Ladies and Gentlemen,” the Joker snickered as he swept through the center of the room. His steps were lights and rough, scattering many scared civilians around and touching the ones too scared to move in whatever manner he felt like. A playful shove, a harsh grab of the shoulder, a tweak of the nose, a grip of the chin with a forceful shake.

The window behind him would have been too obvious an attempt for an escape. Bruce chided himself on being caught in the middle of the wall with no open doorways or halls to escape through. Unless everyone got scattered and chaos rose, he would be unable to make his escape to become the Batman. Even then that wouldn’t be a good thing. The whole point of being Batman was to reduce the amount of chaos and death evens like this evoke. If people had to die in order for him to arrive, it might not really be worth it in the end.

Joker’s eyes surveyed the room even longer as he spoke long greetings in a fake sweet tone, one that implied that there would be pain if he was ignored. One that only a few attacks ago no one was ready to adhere to.

“But i’m sure we have all waited long enough for the main event!” he raised his arms up. “This is a charity correct? Well it’s time to prove how charitable you all can be. We’ll start with whatever goods you have!” he laughter pounded into Bruce’s head. The rage of the Batman rattling against his brain but if all the Joker wanted was money tonight should be fine. If he wanted more though…..

Money was ok. He had more than enough to go around thanks to his heritage and business. Bruce would happily pay the Joker tonight to keep the chaos to a minimum. Being Batman tonight would only generate more problems.

The masked men swelled through the room with bags in one hand open. The other holding whatever gun or weapon they favored for the evening. Bruce observed them as they swept through the room, closer and closer to him. One woman cried as the masked men prodder her arm roughly with their gun.

“The earrings too!” her hands shook as she tried to pull the diamonds from her ears. Barely a few feet away from her Bruce watched and the Bat growled. “Hurry up,” Bruce didn’t realize he took those few steps to separate the poor woman from the gang member. Voice caught in his throat, he almost didn’t have a chance to stop himself from taking the gang member down.

“That’s enough. Just be patient.” the masked man shuddered at the tone Bruce used. Probably in anger. Bruce tilted his head slightly towards her. “It’ll be ok, just take them off.” The woman sniffled as she finally stilled her hands enough to remove her earrings.

The rush of blood in his veins crowded Bruce’s ability to hear. His hand trembling from exertion. All he wanted to do was wail on these criminals for threatening everyone in here tonight. But it would do him no good.

Perhaps if he wasn’t so caught up in his own self control he would have noticed the stiff anxious silence of the room. He barely managed to register the calm footsteps near him, too distracted by watching the woman finally place her earrings in the bag and shuffle behind him once more for protection. He did, however, notice the gloved hand that smacked his shoulder in a pretend friendly pat.

“My my ever the gentleman you must be!” A turn of the head and Bruce’s eyes came face to face with a pair of twinkling green eyes, dancing with mirth. Bruce became acutely aware of how calm his expression must be, how stern and still despite the circumstances. A small part of him that still cared prayed that it wasn’t glaringly obvious at this point.

That expression was never a good one coming from the Joker. It was as though he created a new game he wanted to play, one that was just as bad, if not worse, than the original one he was playing. And Bruce knew immediately that he was once more an unwilling player battling for an unknown goal. He wasn’t Batman right now, he couldn’t just sock Joker in the face until he got closer to a clue or answer. Bruce Wayne in comparison was powerless.

This was now a game of survival.

And how did one survive a game such as this with the Joker?

“Unfortunately that’s simply how I was raised.” Joker’s expression lightened and tilted his head back with a laugh.

You keep the Joker happy and entertained.

“I do say, you’re awfully calm right now Mr…”

“Wayne. All of my friends call me Bruce.” a smile he usually reserved for charming ladies sprang up. “This isn’t the first time someone’s pointed a gun at me wanting money. I’m sorry if my reaction isn’t what you were hoping for.” he refrained from moving his hands around and making gestures but a slight shrug still reverberated through his shoulders.

He heard the shuffling of fabric as the woman backed away from him. The room was eerily quiet whilst the Joker leered at him. Bruce took the moment to ponder what it was he was looking for in Bruce, the hair on the back of his neck felt as though it were standing up still with the energy begging to coarse through his body.

“Well, Bruce,” Joker’s slow long drawl was the only warning he got. He swept his hand at his men and then to Bruce.

Bruce allowed for the goons to come up to him and roughly grab his arms. He calculated how it had been since the first intrusion and how much longer it would be before the police were due to arrive. At least ten more minutes if he’s lucky. Then after that it would be anyones game.

“I’m sure I can wring some sort of reaction from you. It’ll be fun!” Bruce gave out a hesitant smile, mouth barely open yet entirely too calm.

“Sounds like my kind of game. What did you have in mind?” he watched as the Joker drew close and practically slap his chest.

“I haven’t entirely decided yet,” he flicked out a knife from one of his pockets but Bruce never looked away from his green eyes. “You know the tabloids all say you’re quite the dirty boy sleeping around with all those sluts, yet you’re here wearing white.”

“I was told I don’t look good in black.” Bruce bit back before he could stop himself. Joker laughed once more.

“I bet you’d look better in red.” the knife came down and gently stabbed at his clavicle, the one covered in bruises. It was now Bruce recalled the numerous wounds littering his body.

Well what was another scar created by the Joker?

Slowly he dug in until red began to bleed out. Bruce refrained from making a sound, though he did allow himself to visibly clench his jaw and flex his muscles as though restraining from making a sound was more difficult than it really was. All of the training he underwent might be useful as Batman, but it meant he now had to pretend to be normal as Bruce Wayne.

“I honestly wouldn’t know about that.” a rip of fabric and a large slash now adorned his white shirt. Blood quickly swelled and he jerked back momentarily.

Joker dug his fingers into the wound with an excited smile, rubbing more blood free. If he had chosen the other side of Bruce’s chest he probably would have seen the bandages, but instead the red concealed the blue of the bruising. Didn’t mean it didn’t sting like hell.

“Leave him alone!” some brave stupid bastard spoke up after many gasps shook the room. Bruce looked around as much as he could from his position.

“Who said that?” Joker looked around as well. His smile turned mean as the corners of his mouth took on a strange quirk. His other hand still dug into Bruce’s chest mindlessly and Bruce began to try and wiggle away from the offending member. The attention was growing annoying to his searing nerves.

The room remained quiet. The crowd flinched as his eyes flitted over them.

“It seems like someone is jealous of our playtime.” He turned to Bruce once more, brandishing the now bloody knife. Only now did it occur to Bruce that it would be 100% Joker-like to have poisoned the blade.

“What’s not to be jealous of?” he saw the swelling irritation in his eyes. “All of the attention is on one of Gotham’s most handsome bachelors.” despite the pause he took he couldn’t give his next line a proper thought. “Oh and me too.”

Perhaps if he had more time to think through each line he could have come up with something better. Something not so flirty. But Bruce Wayne was a well known flirt and playboy currently and it was as though that mask took center stage whenever he had to be Bruce Wayne. Either way he knew that the game that he and Joker had only just begun was evolving at a faster pace.

From the very first bank heist as Batman until now, all he had to see was the glint in his enemies eyes. The feeling of danger dug its way into his nerves, sending shivers and shocks throughout his body. Not many people got this close and personal to Joker and lived to tell the tale, and even fewer were able to see the mastermind for what he was. Or so Joker liked to claim. Batman was still holding out on making a real opinion on the matter.

“Oh Brucey,” it came out as a hiss at the end, quiet and calm. The lilt of his voice danced around him and sparked more shivers. “You certainly do know how to make a gal feel special.” he laughed loud and long.

“Boss! The cops are almost here!” after the swell of Joker’s laughing Bruce could certainly hear the sirens off in the distance. Joker frowned.

“Poo, and here I was having fun.” he tapped his cheek with the knife momentarily, flicking some of Bruce’s blood onto his face. “Aw well. It’ll have to wait until later.”

The hand slathered with Bruce’s blood gripped at Bruce’s chin and yanked him forward. His arms, still restrained by the goons, ached at the pulling angle he was now drawn into.

Painted red lips smashed against his in a domineering kiss. Bruce’s mouth gasped open in a soundless yell as the knife plunged deep into him and was left there. He grunted and tried to pull away from the kiss as Joker giggled into. One bloody hand patted his cheek roughly as he let go and called his henchmen to retreat.

Bruce staggered and fell to his knees, eyes trained on the purple coattails of the Joker. A shallow cough had him spitting up some blood, though he could see as the Joker turned around to flash him a smirk and a laugh, that some of his lipstick had also rubbed off and was probably now on his own lips. He saw the acidic eyes full of laughter dilate as they landed on him, even as the world around him began to become fuzzy.

Screams and chatter sounded faded to his ears, though his brain echoes Joker’s mocking laugh repeatedly. Bruce knew he could recover, get up and walk away. Maybe a quick stitching and he’d be fine to chase Joker down, maybe put him away once and for all. But he wasn’t Batman right now.

He was Bruce Wayne. Billionaire, playboy, orphan. Stabbed and slashed at a charity event in front of almost all of the most important people in Gotham. Camera flashes and news would question him if he stood up and left now. Bruce Wayne shouldn’t be able to get up after getting stabbed. Bruce Wayne is weak and rich and a coward like all of the other rich assholes in town.

He really hated being Bruce Wayne right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading!

If there's any type of scenario you'd like to see whenever I get around to updating- well feel free to make requests.


	2. I Mean Really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Wayne doesn't mind reporters, but when Batman never shows up after he gets stabbed that creates a lot of questioning he doesn't want to deal with. It's better to let the incident die than draw attention to himself and Batman. But can he avoid the Joker when he comes to play?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I was gonna wait a full week before I started working on the next chapter. Obviously that didn't pan out.
> 
> This chapter I asked myself a lot of "why" because I wanted to make sure it was believable and I think that helped a lot. Not every answer was given in the chapter, but it helped with dialogue and action.
> 
> Also there's smut near the end of the chapter. Is it obvious I almost never write smut? Idk.

He could hear the blood rushing through his ears as he tried to control his breathing. Knees on the ground, one hand placed around the knife wound to try and prevent more blood from spilling, and yet all he could think about was how to get out of this situation as Bruce Wayne.

Someone ran up and crouched before him. Red hair slightly out of place from when he first spoke to her, she was rambling, panicking. He didn’t need panic he needed to call Alfred. His free hand reached from the floor to his pocket. A hand flitted to his shoulder and they continued on chattering away pointlessly.

_It’s all pointless, just go away._ Was all he wanted to say. _I know how to deal with this just take care of yourself. You’re barely breathing just stop._ Another hand reached for his would and pushed it away, they forced him to lie down and as Bruce Wayne he had to let them. 

_Gotta call Alfred. I gotta call Alfred!_ he reached for his pocket once more but someone took his hand and held it.

“No,” he choked out as he saw someone else grasp the knife. They were fucking up. Stupid rich people who didn’t know jack about first aid; why were they even trying to help him?

He struggled to hold their arm still as he slurred out the words to stop them. They all froze when the tension of the knife released and the handle separated itself from the blade via a spring. Bruce gritted his teeth as the spring pushed the blade deeper in and grunted his frustration.

Laying down was a mistake. Everything was growing fuzzier by the moment. Joker booby trapped his stupid knife which really isn’t all that shocking. Hell it’s more of a surprise that he didn’t get electrocuted by the damned thing.

Hands hands everywhere _just go away!_ He pushed at the hands and struggled to sit up but there were too many. What they needed was Batman! He needed to catch the Joker and stop this nonsense before-

_Isn’t that the building entrance?_ That foggy sky that concealed stars in the town he loved so much. _Batman should be here right now._

Why was he numb? This was never a good thing. Fuck he was inside an ambulance! When did he end up-

Faceless faces everywhere. Faceless faces wearing masks over their mouths and cold hands prodding at his chest and side where he got stabbed. They prod and he passes out once more.

It was dark, it was dark but so bright. The theaters lights followed after them as they walked home, laughing the entire time over Bruce’s antics. Time froze as the gun came peering at them from the darkness, light up all bright and shining. In a slow rhythmic pattern it went off.

Bang!…recoil and Bang!…recoil and-

Beep…Beep….Beep…

Deep breath. Deep breaths and Bruce ignored the heart monitor and the temporarily increased speed in beeping. Carefully and stiffly he pulled his elbows further up the bed and used his forearms to push himself up slightly. The sterile white room burned at his brain, but a neatly folded pile of clean clothes with a phone sitting atop the pile gave him a glimmer of hope. It was sitting on the counter just a foot from his bed.

Bruce’s eyes shuffled over the room more, it wasn’t large but it was an appropriate size for one patient. He currently was hooked up to two machines which would make his leaving slightly more complicated but it wasn’t something he couldn’t handle. All he had to do was call Alfred to him and escape without anyone noticing.

His eyes landed on the analog clock over the door. It was still early in the evening, midnight to be exact. When he was stabbed it was barely eleven and there is no way he was patched up and in this room within the hour of his stabbing. Despite the time difference there will probably still be a few reporters lurking around the hospital, trying to get information on him. Maybe even a few pictures.

It’d be best to wait a couple more hours, they’d be a lot less vigilant by then and there would be even less people roaming around. Alfred can stop the car near the back entrance and he can try to make his way down the staircase by that exit so as to avoid as many people as possible. He could do this. He just has to bide his time…and hope Alfred isn’t planning on just leaving him here because “it’s for the best, sir.”

 

 

 

Boring. It was all so boring without his Batsy. He robbed a charity, stole from a few banks, even set off a bomb! Nothing drew the Batman from hiding. It was almost as though he didn’t care.

No. No. Batman did care. That was the beautiful thing about his Batman. Stoic face, cold icy eyes, rough demeanor but he cared. Fuck he cares so much!

Joker chuckled as he stared out the window of the moving car, up at the rooftops.

Despite how it made him feel, Joker knew it wasn’t that Batman didn’t care. He must have been tied up somewhere, tussling with someone else, maybe sleuthing. That was his specialty after all! That’s fine, he can share so long as his batty darling returned to him. So long as he understood who the real catch in this town is.

Ah and there it was. Gotham’s finest corrupted hospital. The lights in the rooms and roads leading up to it couldn’t conceal the haunting presence it gave. So many great jokes started and ended here. Kind of boring really, there were so many better ways to die than in a hospital. The car parked, hiding amongst the others in the garage but no one moved.

“You all know what to do. Ten minutes.” The unspoken threat chased the three goons out of the car. One with a camera, the other two with a pad of paper and pen.

Joker thrummed his fingers on the car door and lazily gazed around the car with a small smile. Last night was boring, but Bruce Wayne at least bothered to try and entertain him. The least he deserved was a nice visit from the city’s favorite clown.

“Fuck waiting.” He exited the car even though it had only been five minutes and wandered the long way around towards the side entrance of the hospital. Even though it was late at night, late being one in the morning, there was still quite a few people coming and going from the hospital.

Behind him a nice nondescript black car with tinted windows rolled by. Joker tilted his head and gave a curious twitch with his lips. Hat down, shoulders relaxed and pushed back, he entered the hospital and made his way to the stairwell closest to the back exit. He entered the stairwell and paused when he felt the phone vibrate in his pocket.

“Boss he’s on the third floor. We’re on our way up. He’s in room 3-13.”

“Perfect.” Joker proceeded to climb the stairs. His steps light and ears listening carefully as a door higher up opened and closed.

Their steps weren’t as light as the person probably hoped. Joker could hear the heavy breathing and brush of hand against metal. He braced himself as he prepared his voice and spoke out in a casual yet loud tone.

“If he comes this way we’ll catch him.” his voice leaked heavily and not at all like his own. “I’ll get that interview with Mr. Wayne!” Joker surprised himself with his own self control, all he wanted to do was double over laughing when he heard the footsteps stopped. “You’ll see!” The footsteps continued and exited through the same door they entered in.

Joker continued past the second floor door, walking faster now to the third. His phone vibrated once more and he answered with a small giggle.

“Boss he isn’t in his room!”

“Shush you idiot! Take a step out of the room and look down the hall. There is a stairwell exit at the end correct?” Shuffling of fabric.

“Yeah.” The goon’s voice remained quiet. Joker’s smile grew giddy as his eyes landed on the door, just a few more steps.

“What’s next to the exit?”

“It looks like a janitor’s closet. It’s the only door there.”

“Good. Is there a window on that door?” he could hear the puppet’s cloth shuffle as he walked closer to the exit. “No don’t approach just look!” Joker hissed.

“Um, no there’s no window from what I can see.”

“Ok, here’s what you’re going to do. You and the others are going to walk past that door, talk about how he must have escaped through the stairwell, and let me slip by whilst you enter it. Then you’re going to stand guard while I work my magic.” He peered through the glass of the third floor doorway and at his henchmen down at the end of the hall. “Got it? Then do it.”

Joker hung up and watched. The hospital wouldn’t have allowed his new toy to leave after such an attack, and he was definitely brought here. It would be at least two days before they let him go officially. But being in the public eye in such a manner is dangerous for a man like Bruce Wayne and if he’s as hardy and flighty as he appeared when they met, then he certainly would try to make an escape without being noticed.

If the person in the stairwell wasn’t so quiet, if they hadn’t paused when they heard Joker’s fake voice, if they hadn’t escaped back through the same door; well they certainly wouldn’t have been Bruce Wayne. Especially when he was nowhere to be found in his room. Especially when a black car with tinted window drives by at just the perfect time to escape all of the press. Especially when the Joker was coming to play.

Joker slipped through the open door into the hall as his goons walked into the stairwell and closed it. He stood in front of the janitor’s closet and lifted his hat expectantly. Counting bats in his head to pass the seconds and watching as it slowly and carefully pulled open.

Bright blue eyes filled with pain and lidded with caution landed on burning green ones. Joker’s smile grew and snickered.

“Got room for one more?” he drawled and shoved Bruce Wayne back into the closet.

 

 

 

Bruce Wayne sighed heavily as he looked out the window at the rooftops that surrounded Gotham Hospital. Since he had been knocked out he received thirteen calls for interviews, five calls from close acquaintances that were actually worried about him (one of which being Alfred), and a couple of texts of the same variety. Joker had not only caused havoc at the charity event, but he also broke into a few banks and blew up a random building already meant to be destroyed because it was no longer safe to live in.

Honestly, it seems like Joker was trying to keep a party going last night that just didn’t hold up and he blew it up out of frustration. Was he annoyed that Batman never showed up? Probably. But that building used to be a spot where one of the older gangs used to do drug deals and whatnot so he might have also been trying to make a point.

Or not.

Fuck he was sore. Why was he thinking about this? He could still barely focus properly due to the drugs in his system. A nurse came in an hour ago and gave him an extra dose against his wishes and now he had to struggle to keep his wits about him.

His phone buzzed and Bruce couldn’t be any happier to begin his trek out of the hospital. Alfred really was a genius sometimes. The shirt he packed was a soft baby blue button up and the pants light brown. They would make him stand out less against the harsh white walls of the hospital.

Bruce struggled for composure as he peered out the door and saw the hallway dead and lights dimmed for the sleeping patients. Earlier he heard that there had been a car accident so most of the nurses and doctors must be on the lower floors taking care of the patients in dire need of attention. Lucky him. Not so lucky for the people downstairs.

He walked out of the room in as calm a manner as he could, chanting in his head all the while looking around the hallways and into each crevice. _Don’t look like you’re in pain, don’t look stiff, don’t look panicked, don’t make it seem like you’re trying to escape, merely leave. Please don’t let anyone be awake and looking out for me. Don’t be quietly hiding just past this corner. Don’t look up at me._

Bruce reached the door at the end of the hallway, from what he found when he looked over the blueprints, this stairwell would exit out into the same hall that led to the exit he needed. It would be fast. It would be easy. And there’d be less chance of running into someone who would recognize him as a patient. Perfect.

He pushed open the door and listened carefully. Then he stepped into the stairwell and held onto the metal bar for help as he lowered himself down the stairs. The chill of the stairwell pricked at his skin and he held his breath and paused after a few steps.

“If he comes this way we’ll catch him. I’ll get that interview with Mr. Wayne, you’ll see!”

_Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!_ Back up the steps carefully and into the hall once more. Ok that step pulled at his stitches and hurt a little! Down the hall he saw three men walking away from the elevator (and in turn him) and towards his room. _What the fuck are they doing here!? Don’t reporters ever sleep?_

Bruce noticed the door closest to him was a Janitor’s closet, no window or anything, and a test of the handle had him giddy. He darted in and closed the door quietly behind himself. He breathed in heavily as he tried to collect himself. He sagged against the shelves to his right and rubbed his forehead.

His life would be so much easier now if he wasn’t so worried about what the reporters would say. Fuck most of the time he wouldn’t MIND talking to them and dangling some info for press for his company and personal image. Batman though, it’s always about Batman! The last thing he needed was for someone to pay more attention to him and Batman in relation to each other.

If only he didn’t let himself get caught like that, if only he managed to get away in time to chase after the Joker. If. If. If. Too many ifs! The point is that if the press notice how Batman never showed up when Bruce Wayne was put into the hospital then things could get sticky for him. Being a masked vigilante was ok and all, but being looked at too closely as Bruce Wayne could add ten extra thorns in his side that he didn’t need.

Bruce listened as the voices passed by the door and he held his breath as though that would help his hearing. He heard the door to the stairwell open and close and let out a breath.

It would be so much easier to just leave the hospital the normal way. Give a wink and a smile at the camera, say he was fine, go home. But already there was a lot of attention on him. Any little thing could set the wrong eyes off, people weren’t as stupid as they liked to pretend. At least most of the time. Less press means that they would be more likely to forget sooner. Less eyes on him and less acting he has to do in general. God sometimes he hated the acting.

Bruce decided he waited long enough and finally began to slowly open the door.

And he didn’t hate acting as Bruce Wayne, no it was fun at times, especially when he got to help out those who really needed it with the massive amount of cash and power he held. Bruce Wayne was everything his parents wanted him to be and everything he should have been. Batman was all of the excess emotions he had no outlet for, the desire for justice, the rage, the terror he felt as a child. Batman was everything he ever wanted to do for the city and its people and more.

Bruce came face to face with the last person he wanted to see this morning. He felt his hopes drown momentarily and prayed that Joker didn’t notice too much.

“Got room for one more?” the Joker’s voice still low drawled out. A gloved hand shoved at Bruce’s bruised chest and pushed him deeper into the closet.

His back ached as it fell awkwardly against the shelf and he heard the clatter of bottles both empty and full as they fell.

No, the one thing that killed him the most was having to pretend that these two being were separate. Keeping them far away from one another. After all, the power of one could hinder the help of another if people knew. If they knew who he really was. They’d be afraid, they’d want to fight him every step of the way, they wouldn’t take him seriously. So many ifs.

A light flipped on by the Joker’s own hand. The door closed behind him and Bruce’s eyes fixed on those of the Joker’s.

And then there’s this asshole.

“Don’t look too excited Brucie. I didn’t bring you any gifts this time after all!” Joker glanced around the room, looking for something useful, and then shrugged. His eyes landed once more on Bruce, almost expectantly.

“Well I can’t say I was expecting any visitors. Quite a pleasant surprise really!” Bruce bit back. His side felt stiffer than usual and stung. Was it wet? Was he really bleeding again?

Joker’s excited giggle wracked Bruce’s bones.

“But of course! It would be rude of me to not visit you and see how you’re liking my gift!” Bruce thought about what the Joker meant by that. Did he seriously consider stabbing Bruce a gift?

“The knife was a little jumpy but I appreciate the thought.” Joker giggled. He swept forward before Bruce could think to move away and jabbed at the exact spot. Bruce saw the red seeping through his shirt and mentally cursed both himself and the Joker.

“I thought you might like that. I do so hate to kiss and run after all.” Oh that’s right. Joker kissed him.

Bruce watched as he drew his fingers away, now flecked with red and inspected the blood.

He almost hated to ask this next question.

“You didn’t come back to finish that kiss, did you?” Curious green eyes observed his for a moment. Bruce contained the shudder that coursed through his body as the eyes looked away and back down towards his shirt and the small red blot on it.

“You almost sound excited there Brucie.” Joker muttered slow. His eyes flickered up to Bruce’s momentarily before he busied himself with the red blot once more. 

One of Joker’s legs snuck up between Bruce’s and barely a foot of space was left between their bodies. When did Joker get THIS close? His other hand, originally clean from the blood began to poke and prod at the wound.

This was bad. This was really bad! Batman screamed deep in the recess of his mind. Joker was dangerous, a slave to his own whims as they come and go and highly unpredictable. He’s too doped up on pain medication to properly face the Joker as Batman and now he's cornered! It doesn’t matter if he’s prepared or not, all he has to do is play Joker’s game for now and survive. That’s all that matters.

Joker’s other hand, the one that originally poked at Bruce’s wound, brushed his cheek softly and repeatedly. He stopped poking at the wound and began to tug Bruce’s shirt from his pants.

“I meant the knife wound itself you know…” Joker’s tone was mildly displeased. Bruce thought briefly on what the wound itself was.

“You didn’t hit anything important.” Joker smiled slightly. Bruce tried to shift way from the hand brushing his cheek but found himself leaning into the hand that was fiddling with his shirt.

“It’s not surprising you thought I meant the knife. No that was punishment.” Punishment for speaking up?

Then if the wound itself was the gift that means that the Joker still liked him enough to play with. A ploy really, a simple show that he wasn’t afraid to hurt anyone who went against him. Fear tactics. Typical.

“The spring?” He felt Joker’s gloved hand against his skin before it swept over the bandages and flinched away back to the hand that insisted on stroking his cheek. He almost couldn’t stand to keep his face straight as he accidentally looked Joker in the eyes once more.

“A joke.” The hand that was stoking his cheek stopped and cupped his face instead.

Bruce noticed the way his own hands shook and applauded himself on keeping so calm before he realized that he wan’t actually calm. His heart raced against his chest, shivers ran down his spine every time the Joker insisted on stroking his skin and prodding at the bloody wound, and the blood raced through his veins.

“And the kiss?” Batman was fucking PISSED.

Joker’s leg finally planted itself against Bruce’s crotch. Bruce grunted and couldn’t contain the full-bodied quiver.

He was also, apparently, very turned on.

“Well, ah,” Joker’s free hand grasped at Bruce’s hips, “that one was for me.”

Bruce grabbed both offending arms as the Joker leaned in and stole another kiss. The hand on his cheek reached back and latched onto his hair with a yank, the other hand squeezed his hip roughly as the Joker grounded his own hips up against Bruce’s. Bruce gasped at the mixed sensation and felt as Joker lapped at his tongue.

“MMrrph!” Bruce wanted to push him away, punch, bite, something! But he also needed to get out of this more or less unscathed. Joker pulled away from Bruce only to lean into his neck and search around with a trail of kisses and nips for the best spot to attack. “You know,” Bruce paused as he tried to keep himself from grinding against Joker’s leg even though the Joker had no problem rocking into him and partially rubbing Bruce’s erection at the same time. “I have a car waiting.” Joker leered as he bit at a spot just beneath and behind Bruce’s ear.

“You know,” his husky voice mocked Bruce. “I do too.” He licked at Bruce’s skin before pausing. “So let’s not drag on shall we?” he licked at the base of Bruce’s neck next. Bruce grunted as a hand rubbed against his dick through his pants. “You’re obviously enjoying the attention after all. There’s no need to pretend that you’re not.” Joker leaned in real close to Bruce’s ear to whisper. “You can take off that ridiculous mask now.” Bruce flinched back with a gasp. Joker laughed heavily.

“What mask?” Weakly Bruce gripped the wrist of the hand that insisted on rubbing him but each rub make him weak. He saw how the Joker’s eyes shifted, that malicious delight that danced in the depths of green.

Joker roughly dragged Bruce back in for another kiss and this time Bruce allowed for the kiss to happen. His left hand grabbed at Joker’s coat for support as he tried to shove him away initially. He gasped for breath as he felt the cool air hit his dick due to being freed from his pants and when the hell did Joker get so dexterous with gloves on? It must just be the gloves he wears that he struggles with because-

Joker chuckled darkly into the kiss and bit at Bruce’s lip, not drawing blood, but hard enough to demand attention. The gloved hand stroked his dick steadily and the pressure just hard enough to be good but not satisfying. Joker pulled Bruce closer as he released him from the kiss and Bruce’s hand went from Joker’s chest to around his neck.

“Fuck!” Bruce yelled into Joker’s neck and thrust awkwardly into his hand.

“Maybe next time babe,” Joker panted into his ear.

_God damnit am I really doing this right now? With the Joker!?_

“Come on, beg for it Brucie. Be a good little boy.” Bruce growled as the strokes never grew harder or faster like he wanted. Needed at this rate.

“I’m not a toy!” Bruce lightly pushed at the Joker’s chest with his free hand and didn’t move it.

“Sure you aren’t. And this isn’t a game.”

“Pfft,” Bruce couldn’t fucking believe it. Of course he was right. Why else would Joker allow him to live?

“All you have to do is say please,” Joker dragged out the stroke of his hand and had Bruce writhing for more.

How pathetic, look at the headlines: Bruce Wayne- Playboy, Billionaire, and Joker’s newest favorite Toy!

“Please,” Bruce growled out angrily. He glared at Joker instead of hiding his face in the crook of his neck. It was almost precious how happy that “please” seemed to make Joker. His eyes practically glowed!

“I suppose I can accept that this time around.” His grip suddenly tightened and his speed had Bruce gasping once more.

Joker pulled at Bruce’s hair once more pulling him into a kiss and Bruce couldn’t be bothered to hold in the moans any longer. One arm around Joker’s neck, the other hand pulling at his jacket, and his head up in the clouds, or rather in his dick since that was really the only thing he could focus on right now. Bruce came without warning and attempted to pull himself away from Joker.

Another rough kiss and Joker giggled and licked the cum off of his gloves.

“You just ruined my gloves you know. I think you should make it up to me.” Bruce stared Joker down with half lidded eyes, not bothering to hide the irritation he felt. He didn’t fight as Joker pushed him down to his knees, didn’t even look away from his eyes as he unzipped his own pants and freed his own erection.

It doesn’t even matter if he didn’t have enough energy to do it. Rejection meant injury, maybe even death for himself or the people in the hospital or even Alfred. He just wanted to go home to his own bed. Be done with this whole fiasco. Any other option would just take longer.

His tired eyes focused on the dick just inches from his mouth, gloved hand lightly stoking it, the other hand bunched up in his hair yet waiting patiently. Bruce sighed heavily. He opened his mouth and kissed the tip.

“Good boy,” Joker practically purred, how disgusting. Bruce could feel some of the blood rushing down to his dick again but ignored how the act actually made him feel.

Just remember what women did to him when they sucked his dick, remember what feels good. It doesn’t matter if he’s never done this before. Joker probably doesn’t care, he's winning his game right now. Fuck it if even Joker doesn’t know the rules of the game, he’s getting his dick sucked like he wanted.

Bruce trailed his tongue from the base of Joker’s cock up to the tip and settled one of his hands on Joker’s thigh for balance. His other hand reached up and grasped at the base as he took in as much of the Joker as he could. Thank fuck he wasn’t huge, just an average size.

No teeth and mostly tongue and a hell of a lot of sucking. The hand in his hair petted him nicely. Joker spat out compliments and told him when to suck harder or grab harder or whatever else he wanted. Just suck and lick and stoke the madman until he’s finally had enough. Never mind the shivers that run down Bruce’s spine with each compliment. Never mind that he can feel his erection growing the longer this goes on.

He wasn’t excited to be doing this, god no. But the heat coiling inside him was a big enough hint that Bruce was enjoying this way more than he wanted to be.

Suddenly the Joker pulled Bruce off of his dick and sprayed cum all over his face. Joker’s already spoiled glove worked to jerk himself off the rest of the way and he giggled when Bruce glared up at him. Joker tucked himself away and wiped off a bit of his own cum from Bruce’s face and licked it.

“Hm, no you’re right you do look good in white.” He cackled and left the closet, thankfully closing the door behind himself.

Batman growled to himself and wouldn’t stop for the rest of the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone for your wonderful comments at the end of the first chapter!! They were way above what I was expecting and seeing it made me really happy! You all motivated me to get to work sooner than I was planning (though don't expect that to work for every chapter *waggles finger*) and I hope every single one of you (commenters and not) continue to enjoy this series!


	3. What the Heck Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riddler's unleashed his plot to take control of the whole city. Somehow Batman feels as though the Joker is responsible. Actually, after spending a little TOO MUCH time with him on this case he's pretty sure it's Joker's fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been considering what exactly would be appropriate for a series like this. If I kept it to only Joker and Bruce wayne, more like one-shot type articles, or if I should include notable moments with Batsy as well. The reflection between Batman and Bruce Wayne felt more natural, including how they regard each other whilst in character. Plus I think this one will make a nice wind up for Bruce in the next chapter. It's not totally what I was expecting to write, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

The world could be nothing but darkness but he would still be able to see. X ray vision, heat vision, whatever; Batman would be able to see the world around him. He could be surrounded by enemies and still sneak by or fight them, tools stealth and years of training ensured he would have the upper hand. Everyone in the world could tell him it was a lost cause, try to make him bend and crack and break. But Batman was a force to be reckoned with and he would never break like Bruce Wayne had all those years ago.

No. Batman was ready. He was prepared for every variable possible. Or at least he thought he was.

He listened to the hoard of footsteps pass him by as he contemplated HOW exactly he got in this mess. How he, Batman- standing with one foot stuck in a pile of rope, the other braced against one wall and arms braced against the others to keep himself from crushing HIM, the Joker- the ass who decided to jump into the box and found himself unable to make any more space for his batsy due to how everything was piled in the box.

Batman could practically HEAR all of the jokes Joker would make about this later.

Stop me if you've heard this one before Batsy-

Batman and Joker sitting in a crate- H-I-D-I-N-G!

Why did the two insane people hide inside a metal box?

Where does a Bat like to hide the most?

My favorite type of joke is a Bat-Joke!

“Ah, I think the coast is clear.” Joker whispered, which was a shock in itself.

This entire night has been weird actually. Past few weeks even. Batman might even go so far as to say month.

He wanted to bang his head on the metal crate instead of climb out of it, but he’d be DAMNED if he let Joker see him break face. It was his main goal of the night. Stop the Riddler. Capture Joker. Don’t break character.

 

More or Less a Month Ago.

 

Glaring light of the computer screen ate away at Batman’s eyes as he clacked away, studying the contents of each article and drinking his almost warm coffee. According to the articles no one died during the multiple arrests that took place last night after an attempted gang shootout. Among those arrests was the boss of one of the gangs himself. One of the unmentioned details, something that only Batman and the police force knew of, was that everyone was either unconscious or tied up. Also, left with one grumbling officer Gordon, was an assortment of files which contained enough information to ensure that the boss stayed locked up for life.

It was great news really! All of Batman’s work over the past few months finally came to fruition. With a massive amount of leadership gone this gang would finally have no proper foothold in Gotham. But the news of the other gang’s leaders all being found dead in their hideout along with many of their employees and a bloody smile drawn on the leader’s face chilled Batman. According to Gordon there was a single card sticking out of the leader’s vest- a bloody Joker card.

This move was quiet, it was fast, no word of this meeting had been uttered before or after this massacre. Utterly calculated yet out of the blue. Joker wasn’t playing a game, he was making a declaration.

Joker declared during many of his heists that he didn’t actually care about money. Why all he needed was his neighborhood Batman. Fighting, bloody, and writhing with rage. A dance he never wanted to end.

But it still plagued Batman. The banks, charity events, big businesses, drugs- it all made sense now. If Joker wanted to play his games with Batman he’d need money, men, and resources. With two of the larger gangs out of the way he had all he needed to officially take ahold of the city and throw it into chaos whenever he pleased.

If Bruce knew about this a week ago he would have beat the shit out of Joker at the charity event. Stopped him before he had a chance to really take ahold of the city. But not once in the next few weeks will Batman even catch a whiff of the Joker’s trail. Costumed crime activity spiked and fell but not once did Batman get anywhere closer to catching him.

That’s when things got hairy.

If anyone ever asked Bruce Wayne what he thought about the rise in costumed crime he would have laughed and said that the criminals were getting enthusiastic about their careers. Batman however was growing worried. None of the masses interacted with these criminals the way he had. These criminals were acting out in a way that screamed “help”. It seemed similar to how he became Batman in order to protect Gotham and keep himself tethered to sanity, they donned their new personalities and wreaked havoc because they couldn’t hold on to theirs any longer.

This created another slew of issues for Batman to consider. Was it his presence which created these criminals? Would they still exist without him? Was Joker also just as broken as they were?

If so that meant that he too belonged at Arkham Asylum. Actually, it’d probably be best if he went there regardless. Three mental breakdowns, two potential gang fights, and a few robberies- half of which were organized or the result of the Joker- and Batman was certain putting him in a jail would be a recipe for disaster. Though with Arkham’s growing population of crazed criminals that may not be the best place either, the less he can drive to insanity the better.

Still. Batman was growing alarmed by the growing threat of specialized costumed criminals in Gotham, and the Riddler only casted yet another shadow of doubt on his mind.

Bruce Wayne had been lowkey doing what he could to improve the town’s infrastructure. Promoting jobs and charity to lower income families, health, small businesses, technology and medicine etc. All played just right while still looking like a rich uncaring asshole.

At the time he was just doing a review of all of the research being conducted in the name of his business. That week was technology based research. He knew Edward Nygma was a bad egg, he was going to be a load of trouble eventually, but Bruce seriously never expected him to team up with Cobblepot.

Batman however wasn’t surprised anymore.

He caught on but not until their plan was unleashed. Everyone that was under Edward Nygma, now Riddler, and Cobblepot’s control had given up money and information. All in the name of usurping Batman and Bruce Wayne.

Morally he couldn’t fight off all of the innocent citizens. The glowing helmet was warning enough that the zombie like people were being controlled. They overwhelmed Batman, pinned him, tied him up, and hung him from the ceiling via his hands. He needed to figure out how to end this, it was the only reason he allowed the zombies to drag him to their leader. Batman expected a struggle. But he wasn’t expecting a show.

“Come on Copper-bottom!” The voice alone spelled even greater trouble than he had been expecting. From beyond a closed door, he could hear the two bickering as they strolled towards their captive. The minions stood in a circle around him, silent and slack. The harsh glow of their helmets were dimmed by his visor’s lenses, it was the only reason he was able to see the two as they entered the room.

“Why should I agree to let you in on the plan? You do nothing but make trouble for us when things don’t go how you want them to!” Cobblepot’s anger leaked into his careful tone, but he knew better than to outright lash out at the Joker. “You should be happy i’m at least allowing you to see us finally rid this hell hole of the Batman!” Joker’s carefully constructed form, perfect makeup, slicked back green hair, and pressed purple trench coat, bobbed.

_Ok, so he did get cold like a normal human. That’s good to know._

“Penguin dear, it makes me shiver with delight to know you do care so much about my claim over the Bats.” Joker’s green eyes glittered with malice as he pinned Batman down with a sultry gaze. “After all, I practically LIVE to see him get put down.” he approached Batman’s hanging form alongside Cobblepot’s.

Adrenaline once more began to race through Batman’s veins. The glow of the helmets gave Joker’s face an eerie hue than only highlighted the violence he was concocting in his mind. The last time Batman was in a position like this with him Batman was left with a knife in his side and several scars on his back. But last time he was a prisoner of Joker, not Penguin.

“But something about this just makes me…” Joker drawled out. His gaze flickered to Cobblepot whom busied himself with a tray of what Batman had to assume were meant to be tools for torture. “Oh. So. Unhappy.”

“Im surprised Riddler let you come here on your own.” Batman’s snarky tone lashed out at Cobblepot.

“You will speak when spoken to!” Cobblepot lashed at Batman with his cane. Mid flight it stopped by the hand of Joker. Batman didn’t react to the proceeding crack as Joker broke Cobblepot’s hand, took the cane, and wrapped both hands around it as he strangled Cobblepot.

“Tell them to let the Batman down!” Joker cackled. He kicked the back of Cobblepot’s knees when he struggled to free himself and pulled roughly for an extra moment. “Do it!”

“Release him!” Cobblepot wheezed once Joker let up just enough for him to speak.

A handful of the minions moved and seconds later Batman felt the tension of his arms release and his feet touch the ground. Another set of minions came up behind him and undid the rope around his wrists. Batman considered the Joker as he pulled the bar tightly against Cobblepot’s throat.

“I’m only going to ask you once Penguin. Where is the Riddler hiding and how do I deactivate the helmets without harming the citizens?” Cobblepot shot back a chilly glare.

“Why do you think I would know that? I’m simply a patron.” Joker released the cane and with one fell swoop whipped it across Cobblepot’s back.

“Whoops!” Joker giggled. “Wrong answer!” Whilst Cobblepot was doubled over in pain Joker wrapped it back over his throat and growled into his ear. “Let’s try that again!” he voice danced as though he were happy.

“He’s hiding out in his old lab! Back at Wayne Enterprises!” Thank god Cobblepot was a coward. Batman almost hate to think what else the Joker would have done to him just to get the information.

“He was fired and removed from that location weeks ago.” Batman mumbled to himself. “He must have relocated there recently.” Cobblepot choked as Joker slammed his foot against his lower back.

“Now the other question.” His sweet tone didn’t hide the threat.

“I don’t know! I swear I don’t know! Only Riddler knows!” If he knew he would have sang by now. Batman nodded at Joker while studying one of the minions next to him and their helmet. He looked at a dozen already and it’d probably be safer to remove the connection from the source.

“That’s enough.” He pulled from his utility belt some tape and covered Cobblepot’s mouth. For a split instance he considered covering Joker’s crackled smile with it as well. Then he handcuffed Cobblepot and pulled him to his feet.

Joker seemed almost expectant of a comment or thank you. Batman wanted to get a move on but he hesitated turning his back on him.

“Are you coming?” Joker tilted his head and stared Batman down.

“To the station? No. But i’ll follow you anywhere else, darling.” His eyes flitted over Batman’s form. It seemed as though he intended on joining Batman on this case.

He couldn’t leave Joker here with the mind-controlled citizens and if he even thought about leaving him behind at the station there would probably be hell to pay. He’d more than likely kill a good handful of cops and raise hell in the streets if Batman even tried. They could never contain him anyway. But if he allowed Joker to tag along that’d probably make his mission even more difficult to complete.

“No stabbing me, no fighting me, I don’t want you killing any citizens whether they are mind controlled or not.” Joker’s impossibly big smile grew. “You do something I don’t like, and I’m taking you down. No complaints.”

“You sure do know how to torture me, Batsy.” Joker’s gloved hand lightly placed itself on his own chest, covering his heart, as thought he were pledging to play along. “I’ll do my best.”

_I suppose that’s all I can really expect._

Batman turned and ushered Penguin out of the basement of the factory and back to his vehicle. The drive was surprisingly quiet. Joker kept his noise down to a mellow hum with a smirk dancing across his features at all times. Cobblepot remained quiet and shaking with fear, almost as though he expected to he smacked if he even tried to speak up. Batman focused on the road and them all at once. The call to Gordon about the impending drop off of Cobblepot and the location of Riddler went over pretty much how he expected. Joker amused himself with the view of the passing buildings outside as well as the features of the inside of Batman’s sleek car. His fingers ghosted over the buttons and miscellaneous screens but never neared close enough to actually touch.

It wasn’t until after Cobblepot happily struggled himself out of the car and into the police station that Joker bothered to say anything.

“You never asked why I decided to help you.”

“Bored. Didn’t like him threatening me. Their plans interfere with one of yours. Do I really need to ask?” Joker’s soft chuckle danced around the car.

“You really do know me quite well.”

“I don’t know what your real identity is.” Joker stared Batman down.

“Does it really matter?” he leaned towards Batman. His leg shifted to under his body and he lifted himself forward, one arm resting on the Batman’s seat to steady himself. “Whoever I was before is long gone now. You’re Batman. And I’m Joker.” the soft tone Joker used unnerved Batman but he continued to drive.

It’d be just a few more minutes and they’d be able to park and get a readout on how best to infiltrate Riddler’s lab.

“That’s who we are now.” Joker rested a hand daintily on Batman’s armored clavicle. “And even if we pretended to be other people. Took off our makeup and masks, changed the way we looked, spoke differently, walked differently. Live different lives even!” his smile grew. “It’d be a lie. Underneath it all we’d still just be Batman and Joker.”

Batman parked in a dark alley just a few blocks from his intended location and deactivated it so that Joker couldn’t access any of its features aside from opening the door to get out. He turned to look directly at Joker and ignored the painted lips just inches away from is own.

“Are you coming or are you going to keep lecturing me on identities?” Joker pouted. Batman refused to wait for an answer and exited the car.

Joker waited patiently whilst Batman surveyed the building for any openings. From what he could see, most floors were flooded with brainwashed civilians, the entrance, the street surrounding the building etc. The research labs where Riddler was supposedly hiding away would be just a few floors beneath the top one, and with the entire building light up the way it is it’d be impossible to infiltrate via the air. Batman wasn’t comfortable with fighting innocent civilians under mind control and would rather fight them as little as possible and this meant stealth.

Naturally Joker posed a problem with this approach.

Batman looked back down to where Joker appeared to wait patiently. Arms crossed, bright purple coat, yellow shirt, white face, green hair. He chose to stand out in every way Batman needed him to blend in.

Loud. Violent. More likely to beat the shit out of and shoot any civilian that posed him any problems. He’d probably agree to do the stealth approach with Batman, but it’s even more likely that if he grows annoyed or can’t be bothered to hide he’d just as quickly murder people.

Ergo: The less Joker has to deal with actual stealth and the less he interacts with civilians, the better.

Bruce Wayne had a dozen different escape routes planned all along his building out of sheer paranoia. Multiple stairwells, exit doors, and even some devices to allow people to escape to other buildings were implemented. This also included secret underground entrances via both sewers AND parking garages. If Bruce Wayne ever needed a super stealthy route out of and away from the building or if his employees ever needed an emergency escape, they all had a few to choose from.

These secret routes and entrances all contained a high level of security though, especially the express elevator that Bruce occasionally took when he was exhausted. All C.E.O.s and high security employees had access to this elevator. Everyone except Batman.

If Batman took Joker this way he’d have to also consider sealing it up to keep him from ever accessing the building through it so it couldn’t be one of the more out of the way entrances. The secret entrances in the parking garages might work out in his favor though. High security, highly obvious if Joker ever came through there, and if his employees needed an escape he couldn’t block their paths through the more secretive exits. It’d be a little closer to brainwashed civilians probably, but so long as he could get Joker to the express elevator they would be fine.

And Edward Nygma never had high security, so theoretically he shouldn’t know about it. He might have an idea as to its existence, but he wouldn’t know where Batman could come out at or that he was even coming.

Before he descended back to Joker, Batman made sure to hack into the security footage of his building and disabled all of the cameras. The less Edward could see the easier this mission would be.

“Let’s go.” He huffed out at Joker once he landed back down in front of him. He stalked towards the side entrance of the building he parked next to.

Joker remained quiet but he could hear the shuffle of fabric and footsteps behind him as he picked the lock on the door and entered the empty building. He listened carefully with every steps as he picked his way into the parking garage of the building and scanned the floor for any signs of life. Joker continued to walk forward with a hum under his breath and a sway of the hips.

“So what are we doing down here? Not planning on some hanky-panky are you?” Joker finally smirked over his shoulder and shot his Batsy down with a challenging stare. Batman briefly wondered if Joker already knew about this entrance and the reason why Batman parked them right next to it.

He ignored Joker’s remark and continued forward towards a small gated door, large enough for two large cars to pass by with ease once it opened. Not even a minute of hacking and one side of the gate slid open for him and Joker. His ever watchful gaze purposely ignored the expressions on Joker’s face and the hushed mellow hum that followed.

Maybe he was bored and trying to entertain himself, maybe they were scattered chunks of a song, maybe he was echoing his own thought process aloud for Batman’s irritation. So long as he stayed quiet enough Batman would allow it. He has to keep scanning for signs of life anyhow.

“Is this really the best entrance we could be making?” _Don’t ask what he means by it. He’s just trying to antagonize me now._ “I thought you would have LOVED to smash through some windows and wail on him. Or is it only me?” _Ignore the smug tone._

He ignored Joker’s oddly delighted sounding giggle. Despite the main garage to Wayne Industries being empty, he chose to stay away from the lights and hover around the walls as he picked his way to the hidden express elevator. It was nowhere near the main doors that led to the basement floor and elevators. Instead, Batman made way to one corner that sat partially hidden away from the rest of the garage thanks to a wide pillar. From most angles, no one would be able to see that the wall next to it was actually a hidden door. There was no handle, but one brick could be pushed inward and then a pull to the side opened the door to a very dimly light room.

“That’s actually kind of sweet I think.” Joker babbled the entire time. “Your punches are like sweet kisses and I live for them after all. Each one meant for me with a ferocity you won’t give to anyone one else! AHA!” Batman pinned Joker down with a stare.

“Now is not the time.”His admonishment may have stopped the laughter in its track, but it couldn’t wipe away the smile on Joker’s face.

There was no point in letting Joker see him hack the elevator with his higher tech. There were multiple ways to get in the but most obvious way (and the easiest to change or remove altogether) was the keypad waiting for a code. Hacking it in any other manner would only give him ideas and Batman didn’t like that. He thanked his training bulking him up more than enough to completely block Joker’s vision as he punched in the few numbers. He moved away before Joker could fully grasp what he had done.

“Get in.” Joker whistled as the doors slid open and similarly slid into the small elevator. Batman stepped in and stood opposite of Joker as he checked on the security feed.

It was still down. He tuned out Joker, who insisted on humming and studying his features, whilst he enabled the feed only for his viewing. The express elevator didn’t have an exit for every floor so he needed to see which one would be best.

“You know,” Batman pretended to not hear him, but as time went by it was getting harder.

Riddler was indeed sitting in his old lab space. It had yet to be taken up by anyone so he clearly reclaimed it with his own tools and items. A green hat sat next to a toolbox. Some electric devices meant for scanning other devices laid out along next to it. The Riddler himself sat in a chair hunched over a large circular box. At first glance Batman had to assume it was a bomb but there was a distinct lack of wires. It was bumpy and had grooves, had a large metal band wrapped around the center, a glass screen, and a keyboard. Riddle fiddled with it, looking around,andmuttered almost obsessively over the thing.

Batman noticed another large boxlike contraption just a few feet away from the Riddler, glowing like the mind control helmets, just sitting in the middle of the room. If that’s the device he was using to control everyone, why was he focusing so much on the other one? Riddler isn’t stupid, really he should be keeping a lookout or taking down anyone who might try to stop him. But this device entirely had his attention.

“I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to you without being punched or kicked at.” Joker shifted his feet and leaned against the opposite wall of the elevator. He crossed his legs and arms, allowing one arm to dangle in front of his body.

The elevator exit closest to Riddler’s was on the floor beneath his. This was a storage floor for a great deal of things the scientists had created. Fridge’s full of biochemicals, bacteria, other weird stuff that Bruce Wayne couldn’t question them on having because scientists were weird creatures as is. Boxes and cases full of documents, photographs, video tapes, prototypes, etc. Tools they needed for engineering both mechanical and not. Actually now that he thinks about it, maybe he needs to make them clear this floor out a little. It’s a mess!

“It’s a little more intimate than what I was expecting.”

That floor and the next had quite a few groups of controlled civilians patrolling. They were all clumped together though. So long as they hid before the group came upon them it shouldn’t be hard to bypass them all.

“Why look at me, I’m positively blushing~”

The same could be said about the next elevator exit a few floors above Riddler’s. Every floor including Riddler’s seemed to be the same. Small or large groups of mindless minions patrolling at a slow pace. This was almost too easy. It was like Riddler didn’t even care.

“Batsy,” Joker sang. Batman finally looked up at Joker.

Joker gracefully stepped forward into Batman’s space, acid green eyes excitedly staring back into his own. Joker licked his painted red lips and his body practically danced with excitement as he leaned closer and closer.

“Are we doing this or not?” his voice was low and rough. The only time his voice sounded anywhere near this was when he was pissed or in a rage and ready to fuck someone’s life up. Yet the tone was entirely unlike those raging moments, and entirely like his voice when he cornered Bruce Wayne at the hospital over a month ago.

Batman steeled himself. He took a deep breath and pushed back all of the emotions that memory brought forth from Bruce Wayne. A slight buzz dances across his skin as Batman leaned forward, reaches past Joker, and presses the button for the storage floor beneath Riddler. Joker’s eyes glowed with delight at the tease as Batman leaned back once more and pinned him down with a glare that Joker couldn’t completely see due to the lenses of his cowl.

“There are a few patrol groups making rounds, but they are all slow and there’s not a whole lot of them.” Joker pouted and stepped back to lean against the wall once more. This time he opted to pretend to be disinterested in his Bat. “We make our way up to the next floor to where Riddler is hiding and turn off his machine to free the town. There is only one problem.” Joker finally looked out the corner of his eye towards Batman.

Batman paused, assuming Joker might want to comment, but quickly realized Joker was more interested in giving him the silent treatment.

“He seems more focused on a random machine. I can’t quite get a read on it, but it doesn’t look like its his own.” he saw the smirk and felt the heavy weight of suspicion claw its way around his throat. “It looks like one of yours.”

Joker snickered. Batman surged forward and pinned Joker to the wall by his neck. He even slammed Joker’s head against it a little.

“What is it?” Joker belted out a full on laugh.

“It’s just a prank Bats! Nothing big!” Batman slammed Joker against the wall a little rougher this time.

“What. Is. It.” He annunciated extra this time. Joker swallowed.

“It was a riddle I gave to him once I heard about what he was trying to do. I challenged him to solve the riddle and open the box, you see?!” Joker almost looked impressed by himself. “If he solved it I was going to happily help him with his plans!” another laugh started to leak through his words. “The only problem is,” he snickered. “the entire thing is a dud! There’s a solution but the riddle means SHIT.”

Batman quickly covered Joker’s mouth as he belted out a full on cackle.

“Why did you do that?” Joker shot him a sultry stare, eyes glowing in the lighting. Batman removed his hand from Joker’s mouth.

“I did it for you, my darling~” Joker made a wide gesture with his arms. “I had my own special plans and I didn’t want him getting in the way until after we had OUR fun.”

So Joker helping him out on this case was simply his own brand of revenge. Whatever he had been gathering money for, digging for henchmen, hiding away; it was all for some big plan like Batman suspected. He’s just mad that Riddler unleashed his own city wide wrecking plan before he could. After all, if Joker attacked the city whilst it was already in shambles and recovering it would surely be chaotic, but not as big of an emotional impact as he preferred. Destroying a town while it was already wrecked was like kicking a man once he was already taken down. It doesn’t make much difference to the man, he’s already injured and on the ground just waiting for the beating to pass.

Batman momentarily found himself imagining the Riddler beating a screaming faceless man with his cane and then walking away, only for Joker to run up and start foot stomping him and expecting an even bigger response from him. See? It’s not as satisfying for Joker.

The elevator stopped and Batman kept the doors from opening for a moment. He checked the surroundings of the door and saw that no one was anywhere near their location. Joker eyes Batman as he allowed the doors to open and snuck out into the dark office.

Luckily, Joker decided to behave and remained quiet. Batman used his multiple visions and talents to keep track of the patrol groups as they made their way through the halls and storage rooms over to the stairwell. Unfortunately they were in one large storage room where they could no longer move forward without running into a patrol group. They also couldn’t backtrack too far without being caught by the other and so Joker spotted a large container not filled to the brim with sharp objects or weird metallic devices and climbed in. Everything in the room was too cramped, there was no crevice he could properly hide in without the glow of the helmets revealing his location and so Batman jumped in after him.

“Move over.”

“Ooof, watch it Bats!”

“Sh!” If they got any louder the oncoming patrol would hear them.

“Ya know,” Joker said in a hushed voice. “If you wanted me to suck your dick all you had to do was ask.” Batman quickly realized how close his crotch was to Joker’s face and allowed himself to lower down further into the crate.

One foot finally slipped down between Joker’s feet and dipped into a pile of coiled rope. In order to not rest on top of Joker’s semi-reclining body, Batman had to brace him hand against the wall just behind Joker’s head and his other foot pushed against one wall since there was no more space for their feet without resulting in them getting utterly tangled. His other arm ended up bracing against another wall just to keep himself from toppling over due to the awkward angle.

Joker didn’t seem to mind his reclined position under Batman nearly as much as he detested laying up against a pile of uncomfortable looking anchors and helmets.

Ok, Bruce Wayne is definitely giving this floor a cleaning. Even if he has to do it himself. Why was this shit even down here?

“Sexy,” Joker felt the need to mumble after both patrols passed them by.

Batman refrained from punching Joker and ambled out of the crate stiffly. He refused to think about anything other than the mission at hand. Not Joker’s mouth. Not Joker’s body. Not Joker’s stupid leering grin.

 

 

 

“It’s not my fault! I was just trying to impress him! I couldn’t figure out this stupid riddle it’s all one huge joke!” Riddler angrily gestured to a bored Joker. Batman felt the anger prickle at his spine. “I-i-i-i thought that if I impressed him with this plan instead he would help me!”

“Oh please Edward. A failure is a failure.” Joker grumbled and ambled towards the circular box and leaned down over it. “Bang!” he shouted into it. One compartment on the top popped open and up popped a red flag with the words on it. “See how easy that was?”

Batman handcuffed Riddler to a bolted down pipe along the wall and left him there. Riddler’s pathetic sputtering and pleads that he was innocent and a genius and how everything was Bruce Wayne’s fault and Joker’s fault and FUCK- this night needed to be over.

It was then that Batman realized how Joker had grown quiet and realized the clown prince of crime already began to make his escape. The rage exploded through his bones and he quickly discovered the clown decided to take the express elevator back down. He wasn’t getting away this time.

 

 

 

Except he did. Fuck when he was done playing, Joker was REALLY done playing. Batman didn’t know when Joker called in his own men. It was more of a surprise really that they managed to get the drop on Batman; catch him in a little exploding trap and knock him off his feet. He smacked his head against the ground especially hard, the ringing in his ears and slight struggle to catch his breath clouded his mind temporarily so he didn’t feel the kiss when it happened.

Joker probably thought it’d be hysterical to give his Bats a smooch on the cheek before he truly made his escape. He probably thought the red lips mark on Batman’s cheek was the funniest thing in the world right now.

Batman always hated Joker, but this was a whole new level of loathing.

This flirting has got to stop before it gets out of hand.

He doesn’t know who has a harder time handling it, Batman or Bruce Wayne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm wondering if the style has shifted too much since the first chapter and then I realized I don't totally care.
> 
> Also, the inspiration and motive behind this chapter was 100% Batman and Joker end up in a box together, entirely in each others space. The rest of the chapter was built around that need.
> 
> Though I 100% would love to see what would happen if they were locked in that box together instead. Fuck they'd probably loose their minds. I need it. Someone else give it to me I don't feel like writing that.
> 
> <3 thanks for reading!


	4. Oh Ok, So We're Doing This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce might just be a little stressed out and in desperate need of a pick me up.  
> Maybe Batman's favorite punching bag could help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in quite the funny space because I TOLD myself I wasn't gonna push myself to pump out chapters. I'm really not and I'm not forcing myself to continue writing. And yet HERE I AM with YET ANOTHER CHAPTER.
> 
> And I have like 2 other ones in the making. Just slowly plotting bits and pieces here and there. What ways can I include other characters more without beating around the bat-bush? How can I include Bruce and Joker? How spotty is this gonna be?
> 
> 4 words. Iceberg Lounge. Arkham Asylum. Chaos and Boners.
> 
> oh wait that's 7. oops.
> 
> Anyways, Thank you all for reading! You are my pride and joy!

Bruce Wayne didn’t think he was short on patience. Hell, everything he did in life was proof enough that he possibly had TOO MUCH patience. Even before his parent’s murder, he spent countless hours just studying and practicing everything from science to high society manners. Ever since they died, Bruce upped the ante to multiple fighting styles, engineering, sciences, criminology, economics, business; you name it, he probably mastered it.

Now he exudes his abnormal patience almost 24/7. He’s patient with the documents he has to review and sign for his business, countless meetings, parties, criminals, research, etc! It’s almost maddening.

Maybe it was all finally catching up to him. After all, not even a week ago did he find Batman working with the Joker to put a stop to the Riddler’s chaos. Bruce Wayne was expecting for there to be some messes to clean up after the incident. Especially since a large portion of it ended up in his own building.

But this was just… Ok so perhaps he really was just reaching the end of his patience. His body still ached from the explosion, his mind was tired from the never ending meetings with the board, the press, oh god- His scientists!

Not only had Nygma holed up in their primary workspace. Not only had Nygma booby trapped Bruce Wayne’s office and essentially destroyed it. Not only did he send his mind-controlled minions around to patrol and accidentally destroy property in their bumbling hoards. Edward Nygma ALSO tampered with the scientists projects.

He wrote demeaning notes to the ones that he disliked. Left riddles as to what he did with some of their research and notes. Destroyed a couple projects, added shit to them or altered some aspect of it. He basically increased everyone’s workload by hundreds.

All Bruce wanted to do was get the elevator fixed to impede Joker’s possible future break in, fix the damages with the media, and get that fucking storage floor cleaned up! Everyday he spent over twelve hours out and about doing work for his business and Batman’s recon was suffering for it.

Bruce was exhausted, he was frustrated with how little work he was accomplishing as Batman. He STILL couldn’t find anything on Joker’s whereabouts. And to top it all off, he still hadn’t given any proper thought to his nightmares.

Ok maybe they weren’t nightmares. But Bruce hated to acknowledge that he was having relatively normal and oddly comforting dreams about the Joker. Sometimes Joker was robbing a bank or causing chaos and Batman was trading blows with him just like when they started. Occasionally they were just sitting in the vicinity of each other, not entirely ignoring each other’s presence but not really interacting with one another either. Once in a while it was sexually charged too, and THOSE were the ones Bruce tried to forget about the most.

But it was the real nightmares, the legit ones, that stressed him out the most.

At least a few times a week he’d be trapped in the memory of his parent’s death. Once in a while it would start as a bittersweet wish of what his childhood mind begged to have happened instead. But in the end they always died, and he always became Batman. Unfortunately those weren’t the only nightmares he had.

Sometimes Alfred died too, and those were the mornings Bruce attempted to stay near the butler for as long as possible. Review his plans for the week, think of any possible ways to ensure Alfred would not be harmed. Consider if his life as Batman would pose any extreme danger to Alfred and what he would have to do in order to protect the butler.

On those days Alfred would give less sass and more treats. Perhaps he knew of Bruce’s nightmare. Bruce never wanted to tell the butler about them and never wanted Alfred to be in those types of situations. He would do everything he could to protect his guardian.

Then there were the nightmares about Joker’s death. Bloody and broken, either by Batman’s hand or some one else’s. Sometimes even by Joker’s own hand. Joker’s smile in those dreams were wide, so impossibly wide. Like it was everything he ever wanted. But in those dreams thats when Batman felt the most destroyed. He never knew who Joker was, never fully got under the other’s man’s skin, was never able to help him and whatever problems he was having.

That was why most everyone turned to a life of crime. They had troubles, problems, issues they couldn’t handle without it. They needed money, they had no family, no help, no sympathetic shoulder. When the entire world seemed to turned against them crime was all they had left in order to cling to life, to survival.

These were the dreams that made Batman wonder if he too would have turned out like the Joker had he not had all of the money and support he did when his parents died.

So maybe he was stressed. Maybe Bruce was tired and in desperate need of an actual break. Some stress relief in the form of sex or a punching bag, if he could ever find it. If this continued any longer Batman or Bruce might just make one mistake too big to fix. And they both hated to think of what that mistake might be.

For now though, all he wanted was a nap. It was late and he still had a dozen more documents to look over before Bruce felt like he could go to his penthouse in the city and sleep. There was no point going home to the mansion right now, he already accepted that tonight Batman would have to take a break. Plus he would just be right back here in the morning.

His secretary already left for the evening it seemed. Which was fine, most all of the personnel had already gone home for the day. None of them felt comfortable staying too late into the day after the last break in.

Chances are the other managers would be leaving now too since they finally finished their last meeting of the day. So that meant that Bruce would for sure have a few hours of silence. No one to bother him for favors. No more meetings.

Just some peace and quiet.

Bruce opened the door to his office and sighed heavily. He stared off at the windows across the room and out at the city. The sky was clear for once but the city’s light pollution erased any possibility of seeing stars. Instead the lights acted like stars. It was a weird sort of parallel, almost as though the world he lived in was upside down and he was living in the sky.

He flipped on the light to his office and glanced around. The janitors wouldn’t be around to clean for another few hours which was nice. They usually did the top floors last.

Happily he dropped the files he collected from the last few meetings down on the center table of his office. He had a nice glass table and a couch set in the center meant for entertaining guests in a more casual setting as well as for his own meals that he took in the office. Bruce quickly removed his suit jacket and loosened the tie around his neck.The top few buttons on his black suit shirt were undone and finally Bruce was ready to take a brief nap.

He flopped over onto the leather couch and groaned in pleasure. One arm over his eyes and he was ready to sleep. The hair on his arms and neck stuck up when he heard something.

Someone was in the room with him.

Bruce removed the arm from his eyes and began to sit up when was abruptly shoved back down.

The cold butt of Joker’s favorite revolver roughly poked at the underside of his chin and pushed his head back.

“By all means, don’t get up just for little ole me.” Of course one of the source’s of Bruce’s stress decided to show its face tonight. The wry smirk danced across Bruce’s face. He was unable to see any of Joker’s facial reactions due to the gun, so tonight would all be luck.

“I was wondering when I’d get to see you again.” The hand on his chest clenched at his shirt. A leg stretched over his side and the knee rested up against the back of his couch. “Should I even ask how you got in?”

“Elevator.” Bruce scoffed.

“Thought I had the damned thing fixed.” Joker chuckled and tapped his chest.

“I may have interrupted that process through one of my networks.” Bruce nodded against the gun.

“Figures.” he sighed heavily and stretched his arms to the side and rested his hands behind his head. “Well to what do I owe the honor, Joker?” the tapping of one finger on his chest continued for a minute.

Due to the mood Bruce was in he really wasn’t in the mood to play any games tonight. He didn’t want to put up with Joker’s shit, but with a gun pointed at him like this there wasn’t much he could do. Joker always knew how to make Batman play his games, little manipulating clown that he was, and Bruce wasn’t surprised that the Joker would use his tricks against ‘normal’ people as well.

But being pinned in this position with a seemingly equally mellow Joker was somewhat calming. If Joker knew exactly what kind of hell he wanted to raise he would have done it already. Instead he sounded contemplative and relaxed. Albeit it was confusing, but it also meant that Bruce probably didn’t have to worry nearly as much about what was going to happen.

“I think I like you like this.” Joker drawled. He undid one of Bruce’s buttons over his belly.

“Beneath you?”

“Mm, that too.” he pushed the gun against Bruce’s chin harder. Bruce allowed his head to be tilted back more. “Guess more.” Bruce thought.

“Do I look good in black?” the pressure of the gun let up for a moment before Joker let out a low chuckle.

“It might be your best color yet.” he undid another few buttons and drew a random pattern along the skin just above Bruce’s pants line.

“Guns are your thing right?” Bruce moved his head slightly to one side then another. “Maybe you have a bit of a gun kink?” Joker swiped at Bruce’s skin and settled his hand atop the belt. Joker thought about it for a moment.

“Maybe.” he growled out. “Though I think it’s the violence of it that I like more.” Bruce nodded. Joker began to undo his belt and maybe now he should start worrying about what exactly the Joker was doing.

“Ah,” Bruce tried to sit up to look at the clown.

“You’re not done yet.” Joker’s harsh voice rose in volume as he leaned up to nip at Bruce’s neck. His hand slipped the belt free from the buckle and undid the button of Bruce’s pants. The gloved hand slid into Bruce’s boxers and fondled the slowly growing erection. “Come on,” he bit at the underside of Bruce’s neck.

Bruce considered what else he was missing. At the angle his neck was craned in it was impossible to see Joker’s face. But that probably meant that Joker also couldn’t really see his. Ah.

“You can’t see my face.” the wry smile came back onto Bruce’s face. “And if I remained quiet, you could pretend I was someone different.” He felt the smile on the underside of his chin.

Joker sat up and bit the tip of the glove on his free hand to pull it free.

“Good boy.” his voice rumbled.

The gun shifted as he shuffled back down lower and wiggled Bruce’s pants down enough to free his semi-hard erection.

“You’re not going to talk,” Joker’s command left no room for argument because the next thing Bruce knew he was being licked and sucked at.

The first lap at the tip of his penis made him jerk against the gun and free his hands from beneath his head. Joker sucked at the tip and gripped the base of Bruce’s cock hard as he lapped at the underside of it. Bruce gaped but reigned his voice in as he clutched to the couch.

Fingers roughly caressed him while Joker lavished attention on Bruce’s balls, licking and sucking at just the right pressure. Bruce sucked in a breath and did all that he could to not let out any moans or grunts. Another lick up his cock and Bruce was grateful that he managed to keep his hips from thrusting upward, but his body still jerked when Joker abruptly bit his inner thigh.

Bruce’s hand slipped from the couch and onto Joker’s head. Either Joker liked it, or didn’t mind the hand as he once more slid his mouth over his penis and sucked him. Bruce didn’t push down or pull on Joker’s hair too hard as he bobbed his head and stroked Bruce harder and faster. Neither of them even noticed when the gun was lowered in favor of holding Bruce’s jerking hips still.

“Fu-ergh!” Bruce caught himself and stretched back as though that would help him regain any control he had over his body. The sensations were growing to be too much and he felt the pressure building up into one silent gasp when finally he came into Joker’s mouth.

He let go of Joker’s hair and raised his hand up to cover his eyes as he panted heavily. Trying to regain any sense of self he had. Joker tugged at Bruce’s tie and forced him to sit up with the force. Bruce began to remove his hand from his face but Joker raised up his own hand to cover Bruce’s eyes. To regain more balance Bruce let one leg dangle over the side of the couch.

Roughly Joker pushed at Bruce’s shoulder whilst holding onto the tie, angling him towards the back of the couch and Bruce’s back partially rested on the backside of the couch before Joker finally leaned in for a rough kiss. The bitter taste of Bruce’s cum stained Joker’s lips and tongue. Bruce was more focused on grabbing onto Joker’s bony hips with both hands and pull Joker closer to his own body.

Once more the gun was pressed to the underside of his chin as Joker leaned lower to suck and nip as his neck and leave multiple marks. Before Bruce could reach lower to cop a feel Joker leaned back up on his haunches and lightly pecked Bruce’s bruised lips as he towered above. Bruce slid his hands down as Joker rose up to hold onto Joker’s thighs and squeezed. He bit onto Joker’s lip and tasted a little blood before letting go.

Bruce felt the rumble of a chuckle against his chest before he heard it coming from Joker.

“You were much more compliant this time around.” coming from the clown that almost sounded like a compliment.

“I just figured I didn’t want the game to be one sided if it was going to be a continual thing.” and honestly Bruce felt tons better now than he did before he walked into his office. A hoarse laugh puffed against his lips as Joker laid on another kiss.

“So who did you think about then?” wait, was this seriously Joker’s “pillow talk” right now?

As far as Batman could ever tell, Joker never liked to have the attention off of himself when he was trying to be the center of attention. If Bruce lied and said he wasn’t focusing on Joker then there was a chance that Joker might get angry. That or he would be able to tell that Bruce was lying and once more be amused by Bruce’s attempt to save face. Maybe annoyed too. Joker got annoyed at the slightest of things.

“I didn’t think about anyone.” At least if Bruce told the truth he could avoid most of those variables. Joker would most likely be pleased with the truth and it would give Bruce more power over himself.

“Hm?”

“Who did you think of?” Joker scoffed. Bruce wish he would move his hand away from his eyes already. That or the gun. The strain on his neck was becoming a problem.

“Do you really have to ask that?” Bruce shrugged.

“I don’t like to assume.” Joker remained quiet so Bruce decided to push his luck. “Does it have anything to do with the Riddler’s latest scheme?” Joker tapped one of his fingers along Bruce’s temple as he thought.

“Why didn’t you think of anyone else? Are you really content to let the Clown Prince of Crime do as he pleases to you?” So that was a yes.

And Batman would make a large gamble it was probably about himself. Maybe even that comment Joker himself made in the box inspired Joker to use Bruce for his own fantasy. Bruce didn’t know whether to be glad or weary over this newfound set of facts.

“No actually. But you seemed less,” What was a Bruce-like description that would be appropriate? “Stabby? Plus I was stressed out so you actually helped quite a bit.” Bruce smirked against his better judgement. “I’d mind this encounter even less if a gun wasn’t pointed at me the entire time.”

“Oh this thing?” Bruce flinched as he heard a click. “It’s empty.” his laughter almost started a new migraine in Bruce but at least he finally withdrew the gun from Bruce’s head. “What kind of maniac brings a loaded gun to give a blowjob?”

Bruce rolled his eyes even though he knew Joker couldn’t see it.

Perhaps he should be worried about how little he was actually bothered by doing this kind of stuff with Joker. Blowjobs, making out, pillow talk. It seemed so…unlike things that Joker would do and yet here they were. Maybe he could at least take solace in the fact that this made for less time that Joker could spend causing trouble or making plans. Especially city destroying related plans.

But there’s no real way he could explain this to anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, i'm not gonna skirt around it. I'd LOVE to see fanfiction for some parts of this scene. I feel like it's an ultimate goal of almost every fanfic writer to get fanart of their work. And similarly for artists to get fanfics based on theirs.
> 
> But aside from that, thank you all for your lovely comments! They keep the fires in my sad little mind burning strong. I can still hear the children screaming.... Oh wait that's just me.


	5. Fine. Here we go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy Dreams, Unwanted Thoughts, and more Characters makes for a more complicated story. Luckily Bruce tries to stay a few steps ahead of everything. Now whether he's successful or not is another chapter entirely.

He couldn’t move. His captor went through all the trouble to ensure that not only was Bruce unable to move his arms but that they were also angled just so that he could barely shift them. The rope cut into his skin and burned whenever he attempted to twist them or yanked against them.

Bruce controlled his breathing and shot a glare up at his captor. He had to ignore all the sensations he was feeling, the the pressure felt good. He didn’t know what he was more annoyed about; his feet couldn’t get any purchase to relieve the stress on his arms, his arms were yanked up at an awkward angle, attached to the wall, and Bruce had been yanked down far enough that if he leaned his head back just enough he could rest on his own arms.

A pair of pasty white legs pinned his own legs just enough to make any attempt at struggle excessively difficult for Bruce. The cuts and bleeding marks all over his skin made his flushed skin shiver with the chilled air of the room. Bruce’s back arched upwards when a mouth finally attached to his neck and bit roughly at it, drawing even more blood. Sharp nails raked down his chest and his captor began to jerk forward in even thrusts.

Bruce refused to make a sound, he couldn’t let them win. Joker leaned up once more and increased the speed of his thrusts, smirking as one of his own hands reached down and began to stroke his own length. Bruce shuddered and breathed heavily at the sight of the bruised bloody man above him.

Painted red lips met his and began another violent kiss.

 

 

 

Bruce felt his body jerk at the twisted memory his brain turned Joker’s kisses into. One hand came up to rub at his eyes as Bruce sighed heavily and laid back down once more into his bed. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was slick with sweat and he was still hard and throbbing. Bruce resisted the urge to reach down and finish what his dream started, but laying down in bed like that wouldn’t make it any easier to will away his erection.

Ever since their last encounter Bruce began to find himself thinking about Joker in a manner which he really didn’t think was appropriate for a proper night stalking vigilante. Especially about someone he was supposed to be fighting and capture.

But that was Batman’s job. It was his duty to stop crimes, solve mysteries, and help those whom needed it. He realized that it would still be very difficult, but reducing the chaos and life-destroying incidents was vital to not only the town, but Bruce’s psyche and conscience. Playing games like that with Joker and allowing him to galavant around town to do as he pleased was absolutely not the best thing for everyone’s health.

Resigned to his fate, Bruce tore the sticky sheets off of his skin and got out of bed. He trekked over to his bathroom and began his “morning” routine. Never mind it was already twelve in the afternoon.

On the other hand, Bruce had his own vastly different role to play. If he were to protect himself and Alfred, Bruce had to be someone Batman could never be. Selfish, irresponsible, chatty and a humongous flirt. At least that’s what the press and public were supposed to see. And if Bruce were to let anyone get closer than arms length emotionally, they too would see how much of a lie that was. Because Bruce could never actually be irresponsible or selfish in the ways everyone thought he was. He spent millions on charities and causes to better his town, and to the public that may seem like his attempts at being in the good graces of everyone in town. After all, how can you boycott and hate someone who does so much good? And that’s exactly what he wanted them to see. He didn’t want them to see how much he bled when he saw others hurting; people who had no one to rely on and no real help.

Bruce could never abandon his people, even if he had to twist his words to seem like some snobby corrupt rich guy he couldn’t just let them suffer. Batman may work alone, but he couldn’t do everything on his own. So hand in hand both parts of him worked to save the life of his city.

Bruce stared at himself in the mirror briefly. The shadows under his eyes were finally starting to dissipate. Being stressed really did do a number on his body. Unfortunately the bruises along his neck and chest and hips remained and those more visible spots would require some makeup.

Angrily, or so he liked to think, Bruce tore himself away from the mirror to turn on the shower and remove his thin boxers before hopping in. It wasn’t freezing water, but he couldn’t exactly say it was warm either. Bruce didn’t want to sit around too long in there so he quickly got to work cleansing his skin of the sweat.

Each bruise his hands roamed over tinged at the memory of how they were made. Rough hands, sharp teeth, a demanding tongue.

Fuck he was hard again.

With gritted teeth, Bruce stared down the tile of his shower and rubbed at his hair to free the sweat from there as well. Each throb of his dick weakened his resolve, each flash of memory of his dreams and of his time with the Joker made it stronger. Quickly he turned his back to the shower head and focused on his plans for the rest of the day.

Look over the progress of some of his employee’s work today. Review cases he completed in the past few weeks including Riddler’s. Worry about some of the gangs he is still working on taking down and how to set up safety nets for the kids for when they inevitably loose the stability the gang provided. That damned birthday party one of his board members insisted on throwing for themselves.

Realistically he’d only get half of this done. But Batman would be damned if he didn’t at least look over some elements and found a couple more routes to consider and research them.

Because realistically and unfortunately, gangs and the mafia DID provide stability for many people. And when people loose stability and are at the end of their ropes they will grapple for whatever other rope they can reach to hold onto.

People like those kids Joker brainwashed for information.

Bruce massaged his neck and remembered how Joker linked his arm behind it. Dicks rubbing up against each other and panting into each other’s mouth. Hands working together to provide more pressure as they helped to jerk each other off.

“Fuck,” Bruce whispered. His hand traveled down and began to rub himself idly.

He had seen it just the other night.

Matches Malone was making his way around the streets. His informant turned out to be a bust but he gathered more information than what he was hoping to on Joker.

One arm slung around the poor souls shoulder. Head cocked to emphasize that he was listening, nodding with a slight pout to the stranger’s tale. Matches couldn’t hear shit, but he could see how the person was being drawn in. Much like how Bruce Wayne won over men and women alike with his charisma and charm, Joker was gaining another pawn to use to his liking. They didn’t even seem bothered by Joker after the first few minutes of chatting, as though the growing crime boss’s presence in their personal bubble wasn’t something that should be flaring warning signals in their mind.

If they were lucky, they would escape almost every future interaction with the Joker unscathed and alive.

Hand pumping faster now, Bruce tried to push all thoughts of Joker out of his head. He was just being used. He was just a toy. That’s all Joker saw and yet it didn’t completely bother Bruce. Batman was worried, but Batman ALWAYS worried. It was apart of his job.

Shoulders shuddering as he let out a tiny gasp, Bruce finally came. He rested his forehead on the wall of his shower and let his shoulders slump before standing up straight and cleaning off the mess he just made. Bruce ignored the fact that he came whilst remembering Joker’s face from the other night. He denied acknowledging it as much as possible. There was no point.

 

 

 

Couples laughed and nudged at each other with a soft sway. The smooth jazz music swayed through the room and in-between each person as they danced or chatted with one another. Bruce observed the room through fake smiles and compliments.

Batman was waiting.

Charles Kenny was by all means an okay guy. He did his best to treat and take care of his family, he didn’t go out of his way to mess with people or ruin their days, he didn’t kick puppies or spit on the homeless. But he had a gambling problem, most men with money in this town seem to.

Bruce by no means actually has any trust for this man. He wouldn’t tell him any of his secrets, business personal or vigilante. Honestly, he’s not even sure if he’s the right man to be on the board for Wayne Enterprises.

Charles however was still an okay man. A hard worker. Someone who struggled in life just like everyone else. And it would be improper for Bruce to not have attended.

Batman however still lied in wait, antsy because he knew Charles had a gambling problem. He Knew Charles gets rowdy sometimes when he’s drunk and gambling at the same time. And he KNEW that Charles has possibly pissed off some people he shouldn’t have.

“Ah, Detective Gordon. What a surprise!” Bruce smiled and reached out to shake Jim Gordon’s hand when he saw him approach from the side. He adjusted his hold on his glass and turned to face the young girl holding onto Gordon’s arm carefully.

“Hello Mr. Wayne.” Bruce shook his head with a small smile and a slight wave of his hand.

“Please Detective, Mr. Wayne was my father. Bruce is fine.” Jim nodded back with an equally small smile.

“Alright, but them I insist you also call me Jim. And this is my daughter Barbara.” The short red-headed girl shyly nodded when Bruce looked to her once more.

“I suspected as much. You’re even lovelier than your mother.”

“And a little spitfire to boot!” both men chuckled as Barbara flushed in the cheeks slightly.

“Though if I know anything about you Jim, then she must be just as smart and shrewd as you.” Jim Gordon huffed a laugh.

“Tenacious is more like it!” Barbara frowned.

“You know I’m literally standing right here?” she spat out, clearly irked. Bruce saw the shine Jim had in his eyes the entire time they spoke about Barbara. It almost made him wonder about things he had long since forced himself to give up thinking about.

“I’m sorry Barbara. He’s just so proud of you.” Barbara unforgivingly stared Bruce in the eyes. “You should let your father gush over you, you work hard for everything you are. Plus you live in Gotham. This city is famous for stealing livelihoods after all.” Jim Gordon gave a slight nod and wrapped an arm around his daughter’s shoulder.

“He’s right you know?” Bruce could practically feel the ‘he would know’ that went unsaid between him and Jim.

But Jim was tactful, and caring, and unbelievably helpful. He was everything Batman wished more people in Gotham were like. Trustworthy.

Staring young Barbara though sent a ghost of a shiver through Bruce. He saw something that always spelled trouble.

Bruce saw it in Joker, he saw it in the Riddler. Hell, Alfred probably saw that look in Bruce himself.

He only hoped she’d turn out to be more like her father and less like Batman and Joker.

“Fine.” she shook her head and finally smiled. “But I don’t want to sit here and listen to it. It’s boring.” she finally detached herself from her Father and wandered off to fetch herself a drink.

They both watched her wander off before Bruce finally spoke up.

“It’s rare to see you and your family at events like this.” Jim nodded and took a sip of his drink. Bruce figured it for whiskey or brandy.

“Eh, Mr. Kenny insisted I come with my wife. Helped him out with something the other month and he wanted to thank me properly.” Bruce nodded. He already knew about the gang that broke into Charle’s Kenny’s office last month. They were looking for payment due to him gambling problem.

“I noticed the Missus is missing.”

“Yeah. She got sick. Luckily Barbara was kind enough to save her father from facing this crowd alone.” Jim Gestured to his daughter.

Barbara was slowly making her way back to them with a drink at hand when a ruckus shook the front door.

Screaming. Gunshots. And some plaster of the ceiling fell down showing the inhabitants of the room. It was everything Batman had been waiting for.

Luckily, this time Bruce ensures he was stationed near an exit where he could get to his car quickly and make the change.

Barbara jumped the last few steps in fright as the noise echoed through the room.

“WHERE IS CHARLES KENNY!? Bring him here!” Bruce noticed how Jim shrunk down, hand low and ready to grab onto the gun he hid under his suit jacket.

He cocked his head to the side and glanced at Bruce.

That shine in his eyes as he looked over Bruce for a quick second. Mouth tight and grim.

“Go on, get Batman.” he whispered. The shouting and screaming of the panicking room members almost swept away his voice. No one else was close enough to hear.

Bone stiff, but Bruce nodded.

It wasn’t a guarantee that he knew, but it was close enough.

He missed the curious look Barbara shot the both of them throughout that encounter. Eyebrows furrowed, brain clearly churning out deduction after deduction. If Bruce wasn’t careful she really would become a problem later on.

Soft footsteps kept Bruce hidden as he snuck his way through the house to the side exit. One door left partially open caught his interest.

Bruce paused only long enough to see a woman in a long black dress and cropped black hair digging through a safe previously hidden behind a panel in the wall.

A problem for another day.

Right now his board member and associates were in danger. Men with guns take high priority over a petty thief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD myself I wasn't gonna get complicated.
> 
> "It'll be an easy project." I said. "Just Bruce and Joker, no real plot." I insisted. "Oh I just need to vaguely follow a plot, it doesn't have to be in depth when Joker's not there." I scratched at my neck. "Well Bruce DOES talk to more people, you can't just narrate a gloss over everything that happens." I grabbed the lapels of my imaginary jacket. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?"
> 
> *sobbing off into the distance* so much for a no-plot character driven putter around the neighborhood.
> 
> Thank you guys for reading! I appreciate it (even if my muse is pissed at me right now). Have a good day!


	6. A Midnight Chat, Except it's Like Lunchtime or Something???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman realizes that he may not be able to save everyone all of the time but that doesn't mean he can't be a little heartbroken over it. Bruce is just trying to keep it together and Jokers...well he's Joker.

The chill in the night wasn’t freezing. By all means it was tolerable.

That didn’t stop Batman from feeling numb.

Weakly, the bare hand, bloody and grasping for comfort, struggled to hold onto Batman’s own. Gurgling for breath, the pressure of Batman’s and their hand couldn’t save the poor boy from the damages he suffered.

 

 

He finally tracked Joker to an old warehouse filled with metal, tools, and car parts. Mere knick knacks for experimentation engineering and whatever else Joker felt like utilizing the selection for. Despite how big of an opportunity this warehouse held, Batman knew better than to think much would come of this.

No, it was a trap. But not in the “defeat Batman” way like he initially expected. Joker was bored and missed him. This was a game of chase and bait.

Joker was testing weapons on Batman.

Canisters of gas he had been engineering. Tricked out guns and guns that were simply tricks. “BANG” seemed to be Joker’s new favorite gag as old-timey as it felt.

It was exactly up his alley.

Their fight got them bloody, they got bruised, and the longer it went on the more Batman came to realize that he was actually more of a mouse in this fight. Joker batted at him just to see what he would do.

Eventually Batman forced Joker to choose between loosing the fight and escaping. But it didn’t end there. Oh no that would have been easy.

Cars destroyed. Windows shattered. Suits torn and stained. Roof to roof they ran. Tunnel vision stole everything else from Batman.

But Bruce was another story.

It was 2 a.m. by this point. Everyone awake and moving around at this point were either people whom worked at night, a partier, or in some serious trouble.

Judging by where they were in the town, it was trouble.

One. Two. Three gunshots snapped Batman from his chase. Screaming from a scuffle echoed afterwards and then silence as someone ran away. A slow whining wail followed after the bleak silence.

Before Batman could stop himself, Bruce had them go to investigate.

He was so young. Just a teenager with a bruised face and two gunshot wounds splintered into dozens littered his skinny body. He gasped for breath, iris shrinking once Batman appeared. Poor thing probably thought Batman was here to kill him.

No questions asked now, he needed help. Batman dug into his utility belt and pulled enough pads to cover the biggest wounds.

“What’s your name?” the boy stuttered for a moment before responding.

“Ah- Alex.” voice hoarse. The color was fading from his face fast.

“Alex. I need you to try and put pressure on this one. Okay?” Batman placed one of Alex’s hands onto one big wound whilst Batman put pressure on the other. “Everything is going to be okay. Stay with me.”

One call for help later and Batman was honestly surprised Alex had remained silent but awake.

“I’m sorry.” he finally spoke after Batman disconnected. Batman tilted his head back towards the boy and put both hands over the wounds.

“It’s alright. I can’t do much for you right now but the ambulance is coming. Just try to stay awake. Okay?” Alex tried to nod.

Off in the distance he heard the deliberate footsteps, quiet but demanding of attention. They paused far off beyond Batman and Alex’s range of vision.

“Heh,” Alex coughed. “You know I was scared of you.” Batman didn’t nod nor speak up. Merely listened. “I think i’m more afraid to die though.” Alex wearily stared Batman in the face. “You’re not afraid of anything though.”

There were so many things he could have said. Stories he could tell. Nightmares that wrecked his sleep.

“Hey Batman,” Alex closed his eyes. “I’m really cold.” tears began to form at Alex’s eyes.

“They’ll be here soon. You just need to hold on.” the tears drifted down Alex’s cheeks. He stared at the night sky.

“Can,” he gulped for air. “Can you hold my hand? Please?”

Batman released one hand from Alex’s wound and grabbed onto his free hand calmly.

Alex’s chest quivered once in a while. Batman could feel the chill of the body beneath his gloved hand.

“Alex keep your eyes open. I need you to stay awake.”

“It’s ok.” Alex whispered as he slowly gave up the battle to keep his eyes open. “You said help would be here soon. I just want a short nap.”

Bruce watched as his eyes remained closed. Alex’s hand and fingers went slack. He waited and waited. Even as the clouds rolled in and covered the pale moon he waited.

Eventually Joker stepped forward from his hiding spot. He strode casually forward and stopped behind Batman’s back.

“You know he’s dead.” Uncaring and scathing, he was angry. Batman had no response for Joker.

“Hey.” Joker didn’t like being ignored. “We were kinda in the middle of something Bats.” his tone went sweet but it was fake.

“I was done playing your game.” Batman gruffly spoke. He didn’t like speaking too much to Joker, it revealed too much of himself.

The beat of silence was a testimony to Joker’s rising anger.

What was probably intended to be a jarring kick to Batman’s back turned out to be soft and restrained. More to garner attention than anything else.

“He’s just a loser Batsy! You and I BOTH know he was going to be just another lackey and die in a shootout alone and forgotten! Maybe of drug overdose! He was never gonna be anybody!” Batman shook his head.

He had yet to move his hands away from the child. Whether it was because he wanted to hide the way they shook or preserve whatever hope he had that the boy would live was disregarded by the both of them.

“He was just a kid.” Joker let out a huff of air.

“We were all kids at some point Batsy.” again with the sickly sweet tone. “And look at us now! A pair of raving lunatics,” the laughter seeped into his rant. “Playing as a pair of costumed freaks! He would have been no better than the rest of us.”

The sirens of the ambulance could be heard off in the distance. There was no point in Batman leaving right now, it’d only make him look suspicious.

“You don’t get to decide that.”

But Joker, if he didn’t catch Joker now, there’s no telling what would happen. He still had that big plan for the city waiting to be unveiled and Batman only had some vague idea as to what it was. If he caught Joker before he was ready to be captured the turnout of that plan might be worse than he could expect.

He heard the Joker’s soft controlled breathing near his ear. A pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind. The red lips spoke close to Batman’s human ears hidden underneath the cowl.

“Come on Batsy.” he voice rumbled low and sweet for real.

After all, Joker loved his little games with Batman and ending them before it was time spelled only more danger for everyone involved.

“We were having fun.” Joker looked down at Batman’s blood covered hands. He partially tightened his arms around Batman’s shoulders.

“Fine.” he huffed after a minutes contemplation. “I’ll give you a freebie this time. But you better make it up to me later!” Batman involuntarily closed his eyes in relief as Joker pressed a kiss to his cowl.

“Don’t beat yourself up too much about this babe. That’s my job.”

 

 

Bruce rubbed at his eyes and leaned back in his seat. Alfred and he already spoke about what happened last night but the memory still plagued him.

Alex Tobani, 17 years old, abusive mother and father, drug dealer, died early this morning.

He told Jim everything he knew in private in the early hours of the morning after Alex’s passing. Skirting around the medics and cops was easy. But Batman needed some info from Jim.

He didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was so wrapped up in the kid’s death that he ended up not capturing Joker. Somehow he suspected Jim Gordon already knew and refrained from making too many comments over it.

Heart heavy, Batman took his time to make his leave whilst Jim looked over the files, back turned to Batman.

“Well at least he didn’t die alone.”

And that should have been all the reassurance that Batman and Bruce needed. They didn’t stop Joker’s plot, they didn’t catch the clown, didn’t really uncover anything useful aside from what they already knew. But hey, at least one kid didn’t have to die completely alone and scared. Pop the cork and let’s have a party; right?

Bruce leaned further back in his seat and pushed his slick hair back. Alfred insisted he style his hair back like that, but Bruce didn’t want to appear TOO professional and put together. Plus his hair was a mess when he took off the cowl most of the time, why not enjoy it’s natural fluff?

A knock at the door and Bruce couldn’t be bothered to say or check who they were. A simple “come in” came through partially parted lips and before Bruce had the chance to put himself back together his intruder seated themselves at his desk.

“Ugh, don’t tell me you’re in one of those moods too?” The homely man didn’t bother to hide the scars on his cheeks too much. His hidden white skin and dyed brown hair didn’t perfectly conceal the man Bruce already knew by heart. His lightly tan suit still showed just how thin he truly was.

“Too?” Joker frowned and shoved the small pile of paper’s from Bruce’s desk to the ground and swung his legs over so that he now faced Bruce.

“Bats got his panties in a twist when some kid died last night. I wasn’t even the one who killed him. Can you imagine it?” Joker flicked his arms and hands up in disbelief.

“I’m sorry,” Bruce shook his head and saved the files on his computer before Joker could mess them up too. “So to what do I owe the visit?” Joker pursed his lips.

“I just felt like talking.” somehow Bruce allowed an actual smile to leak through.

“Odd. I thought I wasn’t someone you actually wanted to talk to.”

“Well,” Joker smirked and scratched at the exposed part of his neck idly. “Not really, but you’re just so useless. I figured I’d use you for something.”

“Useless? That’s new.” it was a weak jab and they both knew it. “I figured I was your entertainment for whenever you got bored.”

“You are.” Joker’s response was a little quick. “But aside from entertainment, I don’t see much use for you.” Bruce briefly wondered if Joker was trying to emotionally manipulate Bruce in the same way he did his lackeys. Briefly he cocked his head to the side as he contemplated Joker.

“What’s this visit really about?” Joker didn’t care about Bruce’s money. He had ample opportunity to take it and never gave the chance even a slight glance.

“I told you. I wanted to talk.” Bruce leaned forward in his seat, placing him between Joker’s widespread legs, and rested his arms on his thighs.

“Yes you want to talk. But something is clearly bothering you. It’s about Batman isn’t it?” Joker’s sour frown pierced Bruce’s waiting gaze.

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Then what DO you want to talk about?” Bruce leaned back with a sigh once more. Joker leaned forward after him and began to play with Bruce’s hair. He pushed it all back for a brief moment before he began to chuckle.

“You shouldn’t style your hair back like that. It makes you look much older.” he ruffled Bruce’s hair and giggled. “Not everyone can pull off a look like that.” 

“You style your hair back.” Bruce rebutted. Joker pulled his hat from his head and mocked pushing his already styled hair back. Bruce smiled softly at the act.

“Yes, and I look fantastic! Thanks for noticing!” Joker puffed his chest out and held his hat to it as though to emphasize how proud he was of himself.

“You always dress smartly too.” Joker nodded.

“I do have QUITE the fashion sense.” He fiddled with his tie.

“You’re dangerously intelligent.” Bruce saw how Joker puffed up with each compliment. It was almost as though he swelled from receiving the attention he was craving.

“Oh Brucey, please.” He put his hat aside and leaned dangerously low and close to Bruce’s face with a snarl of a smile. “You make a girl’s head swell with compliments like that.” he practically purred.

“Only the best for my gal,” One gloved hand reached behind Bruce’s neck to draw him in to a soft kiss.

“Come get lunch with me.” Joker whispered into Bruce’s lips.

Bruce gazed at the mellow green eyes and considered his options. Joker must really be needy after being pushed aside by Batman last night. After all, why else would he come to Bruce for normal attention and not a quick fuck?

But Bruce remembered their game. Joker never took anyone aside from Batman seriously. Even then, that was questionable.

“I still have a lot of work to do. Why don’t we order in?” Joker stared Bruce down blankly. With a heavy sigh he sat up straight once more.

“You’re so boring.” Bruce pulled his phone from his pocket and shot a text to his secretary for some gyros. 

“No i’m not.” he sent off the text and hid it away once more.

“Oh, don’t be so sure of yourself.” Joker flicked Bruce’s forehead almost hard enough to leave a mark.

“No. You don’t actually think I’m boring. You wouldn’t allow me to live if I was.” Bruce grabbed onto Joker’s hand and pulled it away from his head.

He saw the wave of emotion and contemplation in Joker’s eyes.

“Does that make you angry?” Joker snatched his hand away from Bruce.

“You think you’re such a know it all. Don’t you?” Joker hissed. Bruce shook his head.

“I don’t know nearly as much as I wish I could. I don’t know why you like having my attention. I don’t know why all of these problems are popping up in my town.” Bruce looked back over to his laptop to check his email. 

“Do you know who killed your parents?” Joker’s hoarse whisper cut Bruce’s attention. “Did you get your revenge like a proper human being?” Bruce chuckled dryly.

“No. And at this point I don’t think it makes too much of a difference.” Joker stared Bruce down and raised one foot to push at Bruce’s chest.

“You know what I think? I think it does. I think you’re lying. I think you do know and I think you’re hiding something from everyone.” Bruce allowed himself to be pushed back in his seat. The rolling chair scooted back a few inches. “Something that could ruin this facade you’ve worked so hard to build up.” Bruce shrugged slightly.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Joker shoved roughly with a snarl that sent Bruce’s chair smacking into the wall just a foot behind him. “Everyone has their own problems, their own cross to bare.” Joker got to his feet. “The only difference is how we choose to handle it.” 

Joker lifted one leg to straddle Bruce on the chair, the other firmly planted on the ground still. He latched onto Bruce’s collar and lowered himself but didn’t look him in the eye.

“All I know is,” Joker’s free hand fiddled with the buttons on Bruce’s shirt, not actually undoing them. “No one goes through that sort of tragedy,” His hands ghosted up, playing with the collar for a short moment, before caressing Bruce’s chin. “And grows up to be as well adjusted as you SEEM to be.” Bruce finally shot back with a guffaw.

“Well adjusted?” With one hand Bruce nudged Joker back as he stood up. “I flirted with you at the charity event like it was nothing.” He pushed Joker slowly back until his ass hit the edge of Bruce’s desk. “I succumbed to you at the hospital because I knew there was no point in fighting with you there.” his hand reached down to Joker’s wrist, chests brushed up against one another. “I let you suck me off and enjoyed your body in this very office.” lips brushed up against one another. The smile Joker had been fighting to hide finally emerged. “What about that seems ‘well adjusted’ to you?”

“You better be careful Brucie,” Joker tilted his head one way slightly and then the other. His eyes flickered to Bruce’s lips. “You’re seducing me now.” Bruce closed his eyes and lightly shook his head.

They never did discuss about what Joker actually wanted to talk about and Bruce knew that everything they said was only a mere distraction from the truth. But he appreciated the distraction. Maybe Joker knew he needed it, they both needed it.

He couldn’t even be mad at himself for letting Joker leave for a second time in a day without even trying to stop him.

“Before you go, do you mind telling me how you got up here a second time?” he could see the small smile Joker tried to hide as he slowly made his way to the door.

“You’re awfully paranoid Brucie. What with all those different locks on the express elevator. It’s almost like you didn’t want to see me.” Joker shot him a slight pout. Without the white skin and red lips it just looked….wrong. “Ta!”


	7. Life of the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman just wants to catch a damn thief. Joker wants to help. Not catch the thief mind you, but the thoughts still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a long time since I last updated. I have a nasty knack of being absent for long times and then uploading randomly. Oops?

He steeled himself for just a short moment. One breath was all he needed to draw up the mask. The mask of Bruce Wayne. Finally he shoved open the doors and strode into the ballroom’s second floor balcony and looked down at all of the guests. The band quieted their smooth sound but never stopped playing, the cool lighting dimmed further throughout the room, save for the light that focused upon his form.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen! You are all looking lovely tonight!” a cheer of “good-evening”s rang back at him. “I appreciate you all coming tonight to what will now be my annual charity event for orphaned children.” he slowly made his way down and gave a pause whilst he adjusted his cufflinks, not that he needed to. “Please ignore that fact that I -uh,” he looked around as though he were abashed. “I still don’t have a proper title for the event. I’m pretty sure “Being an Orphan Sucks” is out of the question.” light chuckles danced across the room. He didn’t even try to make that one funny so naturally they were all faking it.

“Later on I will be making another announcement about where the funds we raise will be allocated and whatnot, I can see you’re all getting fidgety. So please, enjoy the food and music!” The lights kicked back on to their original brightness as Bruce finally stepped onto the ground floor along with the majority of the guests. He smiled and shook hands with the few that were waiting for him at the base of the stairs. Faintly he could hear Alfred through his earpiece.

“Appropriately awkward Mr. Wayne.” Of course he had to make a comment when he knew Bruce couldn’t respond.

Bruce swept through the room, mingling and laughing all the while. Some of his closer colleagues threw suggestions as to what to call the event, not that Bruce needed it, he actually had a name ready but for the sake of his first official charity Bruce had to have some semblance of disorganization. No one was perfect right off the bat and he was planning on announcing it later with the second speech anyhow.

Not even an hour passed when Alfred finally gave him the signal.

“She’s locked in sir, just as you predicted.”

 

A couple of months ago, at another party, Batman recalled seeing a thief digging through Charles Kenney’s safe. At the time he had to ignore her and move along but he never forgot. Maybe if it had been a one time thing and maybe if she wasn’t clearly drawn to big money events she would have escaped Batman’s radar, but that had not been the case. Her name was Selena Kyle and she took the name ‘Cat Burglar’ to a whole new level.

 

“You know, stealing at charity events is typically looked down upon.” Bruce saw the way she flinched as he opened the door. She obviously had been looking for a way out before he arrived.

“I wasn’t stealing. I just wanted to look around.” For a moment he was almost taken aback by how young the little cat burglar appeared to be.

“Right. And I’m not Bruce Wayne.” He saw her demeanor slowly shift, she moved her whole body in a more purposeful smooth manner as she carefully slunk closer to him. Her eyes glinted in the light and Batman knew trouble was on the prowl before him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had the opportunity to meet you before.” her voice was low and slow, drawing out some words as if to imply extreme interest. Batman reared his head, the hair on the back of his neck stood. This was a trick.

Bruce stood his ground firmly and watched as Selena drew nearer.

“You’re much more handsome than I expected.” Bruce Wayne tried to choose his words carefully. Batman wanted to dig for information, she had to know something important. She gave off that vibe and so far he hadn’t been wrong. He had to work his way to that though, all it took was a little leading.

“So is this something you do for kicks or are you in desperate need of money?”

It wasn’t what he actually wanted to know, he already knew the answer.

Young girl with little to no information available aside from her poor circumstances. No real family relation, no support, and the look in her eye.

“Sir there seems to be some uninvited guests here to see you.” Alfred came through Bruce’s earpiece.

She reached an arm up around his neck and tried to pull him in as she came closer. Her eyes curious but calculating. She just needed an inch, one inch and she could take miles.

Screams cut through the mansion. Gun shots. The whole shebang.

Bruce stumbled back from a shove and Selena dashed for the closest exit she seemed to already know by heart.

“It appears Joker decided to make an appearance.” Alfred announced.

Shit. Now was not the time to chase a petty thief. People’s lives were at stake.

If he went as Bruce it might seem fishy that Batman never shows up and there was no real way of knowing what Joker would want from an event like this. But at least as Batman he’d have a chance capture Joker. There’d probably be damages, but so what? He has money and the Joker has been running around for too long as is.

One suit-up later and he was free to break into his own party, record time for Bat’s response. Joker currently had a whole group of people staged in the center. One man already had a black eye and one of the women appeared to be in shambles mentally. The whole group couldn’t stop shaking as Joker angrily yelled at them.

“You can’t seriously tell me you have no idea where Brucie is! This is his party!” there weren’t nearly as many henchmen standing around in the room as Batman thought there would be. They must be somewhere else.

1\. 2. 3. 4. 5. Batman wrangled up the goons with just a few throws of his bat-nets. His used his grappling gun to launch himself and landed between the Joker and the terrified group. Everyone amongst the edges of the room filed out with screams and gasps, finally having enough sense of mind to make their own escape. Everyone except the group in the center ran. They’d have to pass the Joker directly and they seemed too nervous to even get close to him. Alfred confirmed Batman’s suspicions about the henchmen.

“There are more men making their way to other parts of the Mansion’s grounds. It appears they have a rather large package to drop off.” Probably bombs, knowing Joker.

But why would he scatter bombs to ruin Bruce’s charity event? He wasn’t even asking for money and goods this time so either he wanted to give Bruce a “gift” or cause even more chaos and fear in the town. Bruce almost wanted to make a comment about Joker ruining parties but Batman felt it to be more appropriate to not acknowledge the setting of this attack yet.

“Oh Batsy, tonight isn’t our night to play. I was actually hoping to see our man of honor.”

“What are you doing here Joker?” Joker scoffed. Batman began a slow sweep towards Joker and off to the side, trying to push into his bubble and push him away from the guests so that they could hopefully get over their nerves and leave.

“It’s a charity event BATS. I’m trying to do some charity!” Joker stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Joker began to sway casually, gesturing around with his cane whilst moving only slightly away from Batman.

“You have henchmen planting bombs around the manor.” Joker pouted and crossed his arms, awkwardly holding his cane off towards one side as he did so. It was like Batman just ruined a great joke.

“Just a little firework display. I thought this party could use some sprucing up!” Something was off. It’s not entirely unlike Joker to refer to bombs as “fireworks” but the way he stumbled his words made Batman suspect something. What was it?

“If you came as a friend then why did you bring so many weapons and goons?” Joker twirled his staff and pretended to think. Joker wasn’t asking for any money, he was simply looking for Bruce as far as Batman could tell. He genuinely seemed annoyed that Bruce wasn’t here for him to harass.

“Well, I have a lot of enemies.” Joker’s shoulders twitched. “A pretty little thing like me needs to have a few extra escorts.” he twirled his cane casually, his posture grew tight and stiff. He was rearing up for a fight. Batman chucked one of his batarangs which Joker easily deflected with the cane.

“Stop bullshitting me.” No Joker was fully intending to incite terror tonight, but if he meant to cause actual damage then he would have been more vicious right off the bat. He would have sneaked his bombs in and given little warning, shot up more guests, brought more henchmen with him. But he claimed to be helping and Batman felt inclined to believe him.

The only question is how is bringing bombs to a charity helpful in any way?

A purple gloved fist connected with Batman’s jaw. In the next moment a cane came flying in at his waist. He barely registered the group of now free guests previously standing behind him make a run for the door.

“Are you jealous?” An explosion went off out back. Batman lunged forward and landed an uppercut on Joker. Joker barely managed to keep to his feet and rebutted with an equally strong kick to Batman, trying to follow up with another smack of his which Batman blocked. He managed to grab the cane and snap it.

“They’ve planted a selection of bombs around the mansion. Not anywhere to do lasting damage, but enough to cause problems for us.” Alfred informed him. “Luckily the police are already on their way from our call about the thief but they are not prepared for bombs.” Joker pulled an awkwardly rounded gun from his vest.

Joker isn’t stupid, and he would have done plenty research on where to put them to do the most damage. If he's trying to help Bruce with something, and he genuinely likes Bruce, then the answer was relatively simple.

Either the bombs were so small and unimportant that the damage they caused would be incredibly minimal at best or they’re mostly duds. It wouldn’t be the first time Joker planted a bomb just to watch people shit their pants. The first bomb was meant to incite terror and the rest could go either way.

Joker fired an acidic shot that Batman easily dodged. He ignored the way the floor dissolved from the acid.

“You’re trying to get Bruce more press coverage for his event and possibly even more money. Why? That doesn’t do very much for your own cause.”

He landed a solid punch that sent Joker rolling and took the opportunity to continue his onslaught. A few more punches landed before Joker managed to catch a fist and push Batman away with a kick and a snarl. Already he was scrambling after the bat for another attack, laughter trailing behind him.

“You ARE jealous! Aren’t you?” Batman wanted to growl from sheer irritation. If he were to supposedly get jealous over this then that meant that this was Joker’s idea of wooing Bruce Wayne.

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop this ridiculous game?” He saw the energy fade from Joker for a brief moment. His shoulders sagged just enough before Joker puffed up once more and rubbed hid blood from his lip.

“Why Batsy,” he whined. “We only just started! Why would you want to stop now?” He aimed the gun once more and let out a bout of acidic shots. “Why you’re breaking my HEART!” Batman felt the sting on one of his legs and mentally cursed himself for getting splashed. The small holes dug into his legs and he made a wide sweeping kick to knock Joker off balance.

Joker must have seen it caught because he aimed a kick right where Bruce got caught by the blast which landed. Batman snatched Joker’s vest and threw him back down onto the ground. The gun clattered across the damaged floor far away from them.

“Why do you have to be fun when I don’t want to play with you?” Joker growled and tried to shove Batman away with his feet. He could see the knife emerge from Joker’s sleeve but he wasn’t fast enough to dodge the swipe at his face.

Finally Joker kicked him away and pulled a small smoke bomb from his pocket.

“Why don’t you wait your turn!?” he yelled as the bomb released on the ground. Batman activated heat vision but it was too late. Joker escaped.

 

Batman was correct in assuming the bombs were more for display. In the end they only ended up being a light-show, the only one he was unable to disable in time didn’t really cause any damage either. It was really kind of sad just how considerate Joker was being. Kinda wanted to make Bruce like him.

Except he couldn’t like him. He had the sneaking feeling that liking Joker even a little was dangerous. Most people that found themselves liking Joker’s rare bouts of kindness ended up becoming tools and puppets. Batman didn’t end a battle with any of these goons without feeling a little guilty over them.

This, however, made for a very difficult decision. One that Bruce wasn’t even entirely sure how to deal with. On the one hand, so long as Joker remained friendly and didn’t actively try to use Bruce in any of his schemes then their relationship could provide some very useful information. It seemed as though Joker was slowly amassing a following and that could prove to be tricky to deal with.The only downside is that Bruce might develop some attachment to Joker and that was really the last thing Batman needed.

On the other hand, if Joker was actually trying to actively manipulate Bruce into one of his puppets then things could get difficult. Bruce could allow it to a degree, especially if it got him inside info. But if Joker asked for too much? If he noticed a lack of corruption in Bruce that he had been trying to create? What then? He could get violent, persistent, angry, spiteful.

Joker was extremely spiteful. Whether he liked you or not he was the WORST kind of spiteful.

In reality it was all nothing more than a gamble. Bruce had no idea what Joker really thought of him, and until he had a better idea it could be anyone’s guess. But Bruce was no idiot, he was observant, and there just HAD to be a clue in the call he currently found himself in.

“I mean really it was just so annoying! I wanted to see you and all I got was a face full of bat!” Bruce didn’t watch movies very often, but right now it felt like the scene where someone was complaining about their boyfriend or ex or something. “Where were you anyway?” Bruce got the distinct feeling as though Joker was filing his nails or painting them or something. That’s exactly something a person complaining about someone else over the phone would do in this scene in the movie.

“I was showing some friends around when you showed up. They dragged me out before I could get back to the ballroom.” Joker sighed heavily on the other end.

“That was such bad luck.” Bruce made a non-committed sound. “And, you know it’s the darnedest thing. He was talking like he was jealous or something! Can you believe that? I mean, it’s nice to know and everything, but he runs around taking out so many other criminals and he get annoyed when I give one other person a LITTLE extra attention?” Ok this conversation was getting weird. Hearing about Batman being jealous of Bruce is NOT something Bruce ever thought he’d have to deal with in his entire life.

“That reminds me, why did you come to the event? You had bombs and guns and everything but you’re saying that you came to see me. Did you finally decide you wanted to fuck my shit up? Because I can think of a dozen other ways you could have done it that would have been just as much, if not more, effective, without having to deal with Batman.” Joker ‘hmm’ed.

“I just wanted to see you. I thought it might be a nice gesture, give your little charity event some pizazz. That’s all.” Bruce nodded.

“Events get more press when something big and dangerous happens.”

“Exactly!”

“But that doesn’t really help you in any way other than garnering more fear from the city. Doesn’t seem like a very big pay off.”

“Ch! Now you’re starting to sound like him!” Joker sounded as though he were exasperated. Bruce decided to press further.

“Is that a bad thing?” Joker mumbled on the other end of the line to himself.

“It means you’re smarter than I took you for.” Bruce let out a guffaw and pushed himself away from his desk.

“That doesn’t really answer my question, but thank you I guess?” Joker remained silent on the other end of the line.

“Your laugh is nice. Your REAL laugh.” he emphasized.

Bruce remembered that he was trying to dig up some clues as to how Joker felt about Bruce. He avoided answering the question altogether and even commented on Bruce’s laughter. If people were around to showboat for Bruce might have suspected it for an act, but now he wasn’t so sure.

Did the Joker legitimately like him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ihavenoideahowtodospeechesproperlymaybeishouldhavetakenaspeechclassaugh


	8. Shit Fuck Crap I fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just gotta take a hot shower and think about every awful thing that has happened so far this month.  
> Also Plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma be honest guys. I'm super tired and I didn't want to do any work today but HERE I AM LOOKING FOR JOBS AND WRITING FICS. And look there's even a new chapter. I already wrote out a generalized plot for the rest of the story, it's just a matter of working through it properly and finding how to drop in each plot point without making everything seemed too forced.
> 
> Remembered when I said such and such about not a lot of focus on plot? Yeah I'm a liar. I couldn't do this story without a plot, couldn't slice of life this shit.
> 
> It's probably for the best. I'd probably get fat from too many slices of life. Life is cake right? Piece of cake = easy? What do you mean life isn't easy? WHAT THE FUCK DID I SIGN UP FOR THEN!? What do you mean it's in the fine print!? FUCK THIS SHIT.

If Batman didn’t know any better he’d say that this month was cursed to be awful. He knew that nothing good would come from the events that took place. He tried to relax and enjoy the hot water against his aching muscles and bruises, but he couldn’t help but to recount everything that went wrong in the past month.

So let’s count it out with him.

1.) A while back he successfully stopped the Riddler from taking control over the town. The disturbing part of the whole event was that it was more like a distracted attempt to gain Joker’s positive attention. Fortunately for Riddler and unfortunately for Batman, it appears that he succeeded.

What once was thought to be an acceptable punishment, placing Riddler in jail, turned out to be nothing short of a disaster for all of Gotham. Gas leaked at random throughout the facility as riots erupted. The newly declared prince of crime never stepped into the mess himself, but plenty of his men had no problem shooting out guards and prisoners alike in their mad scramble to release as much chaos onto the town itself.

Many survived, at least a quarter of the prisoners escaped, but just as many died upon exposure.

Jim Gordon was just as disgusted by the disaster as Batman was disturbed. This gas caused chaos alright, but this event was also the perfect excuse to test out a new weapon. A weapon that possibly would be the undoing of Gotham.

2.) Batman wrangled up a vast majority of the escaped criminals in one night, that wasn’t the biggest problem. No, the biggest problem was that Riddler disappeared into the night long before Batman could even hope to catch his trail. There was no doubt in Batman’s mind that he was now working alongside Joker in his ploy to flood the city with his own brand of destruction.

3.) That very same week finds Bruce Wayne attending an opening event, a very special event that the child in him desperately wanted to delight in; the lights, the candy and overly fatty foods, the simple games, and the death-defying acts that at one point in his life really would have left him speechless.

The nostalgia of the grandeur left him hesitant to truly take part in it.

Gunshots rang through his ears and once more he was unable to do anything to salvage the situation.

Bruce Wayne looked down, trapped in a crowd of people screaming, and for a moment he swore the child in him died once more.

Batman was more than ready to hunt down the criminal responsible for this tragedy, but Bruce Wayne couldn’t bring himself to leave one child behind. He saw the tears in his eyes, the confusion and the desperation.

Bruce Wayne saw himself. He saw himself in Dick Grayson and it terrified him. It terrified him to think that this boy might not have anyone there to help him, that he might end up alone. So he dug. Bruce Wayne looked and dug around and when he saw that his hunch was correct he made a plea to take the boy in as his ward for the time being.

Nobody knew why his parents were shot. Nobody knew yet what would happen to Dick Grayson if he were to be left alone. Nobody knew if he was safe from the killer that took his parents from him.

Alfred made sure the house was at it’s maximum “warmth” when they welcomed Dick to his new home.

Bruce Wayne still felt cold on the inside.

4.) After Dick was settled Batman finally went on the prowl. He hunted for hours on end, scoured the town and the circus and questioned the carnies. He spied the investigations that went on, poked at Jim Gordon’s brains, spent countless hours and multiple days awake until he finally found an answer.

No matter how hard Joker tries, there will always be gangs and factions and groups that don’t work under him, that aren’t led by him, that don’t respond to him. Tony Zucco’s mafia was a perfect example of a group that not only ignored Joker’s demands, but made a point to stand their ground and rebel against him.

This was currently the only group left capable of taking on Joker’s and they were finally cashing in for a fight.

The circus, the Flying Graysons, that was an attack on a debt the circus had with Tony Zucco. It was the first stop of many that the man was planning on taking. If he didn’t get his money then he would get his pay in fear and loyalty.

5.) To top off the shit-storm that was this month, Batman was also lucky enough to finally stumble upon a clue of the Joker and Riddler’s plans. This usage of the word “lucky” should be taken lightly, however, due to the fact that Batman ended the evening (technically morning by that point) with an accident.

What can excessive sleep deprivation and fatigue lead to when Batman is the one suffering from it? If you guessed bodily injury, you’d be correct.

Yes, Batman found a wonderful giant green question mark in a previously emptied warehouse (one of which used to belong to cobble-pot’s cronies). The question mark wasn’t present in the previous weeks before the warehouse was evacuated; and considering that Riddler’s favorite color and symbol happen to be green and a question mark there was no question who had it put on that wall.

If men in clown masks and paint break Riddler out of jail and Batman finds Riddler’s symbol painted in an empty warehouse that belongs to Cobblepot then it isn’t very hard to guess that the three of them are now working together on a very big plan.

ALSO

If you smell smoke, there’s probably fire.

Again.

Cobblepot’s warehouse, one that USED to be filled to the brim with goods and goons, now empty.

To say Batman was a little too slow on the uptake would be an understatement.

 

Bruce shut off the hot water and sighed heavily. He finally escaped the shower and appreciated that the glass had the decency to stay fogged up so that he didn’t have to see the awful state he was currently in.

He finished patching up his woulds and Bruce took deep steady breaths as he pulled the thin soft shirt on over his bruised and cut up torso. He pushed himself to hide away everything Batman related until he could be bothered to make the drive back to his mansion. Alfred was clearly disappointed when he informed him of the evening’s turn of events but offered to come late in the afternoon to feed him and redress his wounds.

For now, Bruce just wanted to sleep.

So at five in the morning, tucked safely away in his penthouse deep in the bowls of Gotham, Bruce finally went to sleep.

To say he stayed asleep though would be a lie.

Usually Bruce was a light sleeper. He liked to blame it on his experiences as Batman, but when you’re heavily injured and sleep deprived there’s not a whole lot you can do to wake up when a stranger breaks into your penthouse. And when the bed slightly shifts and he still doesn’t wake up, well there really isn’t much of anything stopping the invader from inspecting it’s victim’s body. When a cold hand slides its way under Bruce’s shirt, well maybe then he’d start to wake up a little. Just enough to be aware that he’s not alone. But the fogginess of his brain fights between the want to sleep and the need to face the intruder.

To be honest, the softness of the hand had Bruce wanting to simply relax into his dreamless sleep.

The finger tapping on his bruises demanded attention. The once pleasant stroking turned into irritated presses for answers. Although the voice sounded sweet, the tone behind it reeked of rage.

“Oh Brucey,” he sang. “Bruuuuu-ceyyyyyy.” multiple fingers dug into the bruises. Bruce finally managed to tear his eyes open and groan, reaching for the rude hand. Another hand snatched his and pulled it back to the side. “Brucey baby, tell me.” the hand softly petted at the bruises once more before they harshly dug in. “WHY are you so injured? Especially when I WASN’T the one to cause them.”

And if Bruce wasn’t so sleep deprived he would have noted the jealous tone in Joker’s voice.

The pain flooded back to him much like his awareness did. Bruce groaned and absentmindedly arched his back away as Joker’s free hand tormented the bruise some more. His shirt had been pushed half way up his torso and now Joker seemed to be exacting some sort of revenge on Bruce although he seemed inclined to stay away from the bandaged wounds thankfully.

Maybe that was his way of being nice?

Finally Bruce realized what Joker was asking.

“Just got a little rowdy at a club last night.” Joker growled and stared Bruce down in the eyes. The rage was growing behind them and all Bruce could see in them was the gas from the prison.

“Wouldn’t that have been great news first thing in the morning? You can barely make it to work without getting your picture taken, it’s a wonder your little fight wouldn’t be the talk of the day.” Bruce scoffed and tried to shuffle just enough to get comfortable since he was essentially pinned by Joker’s hips now.

“You saw the secret entrance to my office right? What makes you think I’m incapable of avoiding a vast majority of the public eye when I want to?” Joker let go of his wrist finally and looked deep in thought as he considered Bruce’s face and torso. He absentmindedly petted Bruce’s stomach and pouted. Bruce finally took note of how casual Joker’s outfit was for once. A simple shirt and jeans with a fluffy sweater on top, something he could easily blend into the crowd with.

“I suppose that makes sense.” the clown muttered. Bruce stared down the outfit and the pout, willing his sleep deprived brain to make something of the situation.

“How did you know I was in my penthouse?” Joker stuck out his tongue and leaned back on his heels.

“Oh I just made a few calls. It was too easy.” Bruce sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes.

“I really gotta work on my security.” Joker broke out into a laugh and finally sat up enough on his knees to relieve Bruce’s hips of the pressure.

“Brucey baby I promise you it’s not that bad. I just pretended to be a reporter looking to get an interview with you, that’s all. And it wasn’t hard to figure out that if you weren’t at home and you weren’t at work and you didn’t have any special events planned for this time frame then you were most likely here.” Ok, that’s fair.

Bruce groaned and finally moved to sit up.

“Yeah that makes sense.” Joker giggled and pushed at the uninjured part of Bruce’s chest.

“Just stay down, you look pathetically exhausted right now.” Bruce didn’t have to fake the offended look on his face.

“You know, I’d feel like what you said sound more sincere if it weren’t for the fact that I know you came here looking for attention.” Joker ruffled Bruce’s hair as he got up off the bed. Bruce was mildly annoyed by it but let it slide.

“I won’t lie, I did want to play a little but I don’t think I can pick on something so SAD looking.” Bruce glared and latched onto Joker’s wrist, keeping him from walking away.

“I just need some sleep is all. If you don’t mind the possibility of my passing out then we can watch tv or something.” And Bruce honest to god wished he had a reason for saying that. He honestly baffled himself with this suggestion.

He tried to ignore the way Joker’s fingers carded through his hair while they watched the news. How soothing the motion was. But Bruce’s bed was warm and Joker’s rhythmic heartbeat lulled him to sleep before he could fully consider what was left of his own sanity.

Joker was kind enough to not wake Bruce up when he left and Alfred was kind enough to not harass Bruce too much about the importance of getting enough rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention I'm tired because I really am. Ignore that rant up top. No I SAID IGNORE IT! God damnit stop looking at it! I see you over there ignoring it! You i'm proud of! Good job, go get yourself a cookie! The rest of you can have a cookie too I guess....


	9. Oh This Can't Be Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's depressed and tries to find an outlet for his feelings.  
> Joker isn't too pleased by a lot of little details. He's going to have to rectify those.  
> Batman and Bruce are both worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life has literally become that one song  
> Work Work Work work Work Work  
> except it's more like  
> Work Write Write Fic Write Read CATS Work  
> No joke.

Lately he felt nothing but cold. Warm smiles and a warm house did nothing to remove the chill that wracked his bones. Hot chocolate and delicious food didn’t liven up his soul. Witty banter and a good morning couldn’t remove the frost from his heart.

He felt dead.

Food was ash, company unwanted, sounds cut through his head and made him want to just explode with rage.

And Dick knew they were just trying to be nice. He KNEW Bruce has suffered a similar fate at an even younger age, but right now all Dick wanted was some space. He wanted to be alone to contemplate his life and what he lost and be utterly miserable. He wanted his parents to not be dead.

Why did it have to be them?

Why couldn’t it have been some of the other performers? Or the visitors? Or even himself?

Why was he the one that had to live?

Never before had he felt such rage. Sixteen years of life and NEVER had Dick been able to understand how anger could leave you feel like your nerves were on fire despite how cold you felt on the inside. And he knew EXACTLY who was to be blamed.

Not even three weeks after he first moved in to Wayne Manor, Dick Grayson took his favorite work knife, the one he used to solve most every technical issue he ever had whilst working at the circus, and set off to right a wrong.

None of the cops were able to dig up much about the murder, and they certainly couldn’t pin it on their suspect. Not that they’d tell Dick that. But it didn’t take a genius to know that if the Mafia decided to fuck your life up then there wasn’t a whole lot of options available to you to get justice or help.

Dick, however, knew where he could start.

He snuck into the compound everyone liked to hang out at after work. He eased his way through the darkness lightly, through the campers and makeshift homes that the carnies loved to call home. Far off on one corner sat what his parents referred to as the Gentleman’s quarters. The group of single alcoholics that liked to play poker late into the night nearly every night. Stacey and her sisters would spy on them occasionally from her camper whilst they smoked and talked about their dreams.

None of these people really mattered to Dick right now. He only had one goal.

At the far end sat a lone camper, as if looking over the rest of the compound. Dick could hear through the open windows that Mr. Haley had company with one of his associates. The greedy bastard.

That’s ok. Dick can wait.

He got comfortable in the shadows behind the camper, sitting around the tree-line so that he could see into the home without being seen, and waited. Patiently Dick listened, flicked his knife open and closed, thought about what he was going to say.

Fuck.

What WAS he gonna say? Why is he here?

“Richard.” Dick flinched and leapt to his feet, twirling around and came face to face with a monster.

He wasn’t really a monster, mind you. But when you discover a giant bat-clad man hovering a few feet behind you in the shadows and you had NO IDEA he was there, what else are you gonna think of the man as?

“What are you doing here?” the Batman pulled no punches. He didn’t wait, didn’t give you a chance to think, didn’t even loose focus as Dick dropped his knife in shock.

“I- eh- um.” Dick stumbled away and landed on his ass as the Batman slowly stepped closer. Dick gaped as the masked figure crouched down and grabbed the knife, never taking his eyes off of his target. “I. I don’t know.” He could feel the tears forming, the pressure building behind his eyes, threatening to break free.

He watched as Batman closed the knife with one hand.

“You do know.” Yeah, but how could you say to the freaky masked vigilante that you were planning on attacking a man for answers you already had. All in the hopes of what? That it might make up for what you lost? That it might make you feel better? “You’re better than this Richard.” Dick could feel the lump in his throat. Batman stood and held a hand out to Dick. He hesitantly took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. “Come on, i’m taking you home.” and silently they strolled back out of the compound the way they came.

What was he going to say? No? Was he gonna fight or run away? Was there much of anything Dick could do that Batman wouldn’t be able to stop? How did he even know Dick was here? What he was thinking? How did he do the things he did?

“Get in.” The fire in his nerves were just as cold as the rest of him now. Dick climbed into what most people referred to as the “bat-mobile” (he thought it was kind of a stupid name tbh) on the passenger side and stared blankly at the inside’s complexities.

Batman didn’t say anything as he got in and started the car. He started it and paused, giving Dick a quick glance.

“Put your seatbelt on.” and Dick did as he was told.

He just felt so numb.

How could this have happened?

How did he know?

“Sir,” Dick winced at the crack of his voice and licked his lips. “Am I going to jail?” Batman remained silent for a moment.

“Why would you be going to jail?” Dick remained quiet. He swore Batman let out a small sigh. “You didn’t do anything, and so long as you keep it that way you’ll be fine.” another silent minute passed between them. The streets remained barren at this house thankfully. It made the drive faster, but not by much. “I know it’s frustrating, but attacking Haley would have been pointless.” Dick let out a choked garbled sound.

“Frustrating? It’s his fault my parents are dead! I,” Dick choked on his words once more, the fire re-animated his nerves and a fist came down on the side dash as he turned to face the Batman. “Someone has to pay for what they did!” Batman let Dick throw his tantrum. He barely even spared Dick a glance.

“What were you going to do hm? Punch his face in a little? Cut him? Wail on him until you got no real answers and then hunted down Tony Zucco? How do you think that would have gone for you? How do you think your parents would feel about you being so reckless?” Dick gasped.

“How DARE you! That’s so fucking hypocritical coming from ‘the masked vigilante’ himself! How is what I was planning on doing ANY DIFFERENT from what you were gonna do?”

Ten minutes ago Dick would have been appalled by the concept of antagonizing Batman. Right now though, the mask man’s fury barely seemed like something worth worrying over.

“For starters, I have training. AND I don’t kill.” Dick waggled his head and waved his arms around slightly.

“Oh, OH you don’t kill! What a fucking game changer!” Dick sagged back into his seat and pouted as they drove up Bruce Wayne’s driveway. In the back of his mind he wondered about the absurdity of the situation at hand. He began to unbuckle his seatbelt angrily.

“If anyone understands how you’re feeling, It’s Bruce Wayne. Don’t throw away his kindness for some petty poorly thought out revenge.”

Dick didn’t respond as he shoved the door open and stomped his way back up to the Mansion. Alfred already had the door open and waiting and greeted Dick warmly, asking if he had a nice walk.

He tried to be polite and excuse himself for the night. The darkness of his room might have been able to conceal his hunched over figure on the bed, but it couldn’t help Dick ignore the tears as they finally sprang free.

Bruce contemplated knocking on Dick’s door and trying to talk to him, but the sobbing convinced him that Dick might need one more night.

It had been a hard month for them all.

 

I’ll tap my finger on the table. Tap Tap Tap Tap, Riddles is ignoring me but I can see the expression on his face. I know what he did. Yup! I know a lot of things. I know how he’s scared of me, I know Cobbles has been trying to find ways to take some cash off the top of his deal with Ryder’s little group, I know the Zucs gettin’ reeealllll frustrated with his grapple for control.

Oh I know so much and he knows I know what happened. How could I not? I know every itsy-bitsy thing I could possibly want to about my Batsy Boy.

My Bats

B-man

No B-man sounds too casual. Kind of makes me think of Brucey. Bruce Boy. B-Boy. Best little toy, Brucie goosey.

Ah, there it is. The glance out of the corner of his eyes. He’s trying to review some numbers on his calculations. He’s got some wrong down there in the fiftieth line. I wont tell him that, No no that wouldn’t do. He’s gotta learn to think for himself. That’s what I hired him for. Yes indeed I can’t hold his hand i’m a busy man.

But If my WONDERFUL company doesn’t just show Riddles how much I care then maybe an encouraging word? He hasn’t said anything to me yet after all. I’m tired of waiting. I have so many little things to plan, to look through. People to see, people to kill.

So much to do. There’s just so so SO MUCH to do. So much to do and I only have a month left to get it in order.

Heavy sigh.

The things I do for my Bats.

I’ll just drag my finger like so, oh I do appreciate Riddles so much. He works SO. HARD! Maybe a little hug from behind, hum a little song in his ear, he’ll see what I mean. Oh see how he freezes up? So cute he’s already learning.

I should start teaching my Baby Bruce too, come to think of it. He’s such a sweetie, such a soft little toy to pet. Riddles is too, but Riddles is afraid of me. Why isn’t Brucie afraid? It’s maddening how little I scare him. HE MUST BE MAD.

HA Ha haaa.

The way his eyes waver, but calculated fake terror he barely bothered to portray. It’s such a fake display, like he thought I couldn’t see it. But I can see that calculated look in his eye, that fire. I see it in so many people, it’s a wonder he hasn’t already snapped.

Or maybe he has.

I should train him though.

Come to think of it, Riddler has been ignoring me for long enough. Perhaps it’s time I punish him.

All it takes is one hand, one small hand caressing his shoulder and then his neck. Oh yes he’s so deliciously tense, I could just SINK MY TEETH into it. Watch him bleed. Watch him cry. Watch him laugh.

It’s just So. God Damn. FUNNY.

“Is there a reason you’re hovering?” He thinks I can’t see the terror stuck in his throat. The stiffness in his hands. He’s read the same line three times now. Just a little chuckle and a soft rub to show I’m not mad. Not like THAT at least.

“I feel like we haven’t TALKED that much lately.” try to keep that growl from my voice. No the growling wouldn’t do, that’s BATSY’s thing. Growling. I purr, I whine and yelp and giggle. I’m a bubbly man after all.

“Talked?” Riddler gulps. “We just spoke yesterday about when the calculations should be done.” Oh he thinks I’m talking about our work. How cute. I’ll have to correct that.

I’ll hum as I drag his feather light ass out of chair and slam him on the floor with such a finesse. He should be grateful. I could have REALLY made it hurt.

“Oh Riddles. Rambling little Riddle I meant about our hopes. Our dreams. Our sham of an ordinary school girl’s LIFE.” the room echoes with my laugh. Oh look, I was wondering where that hammer went. Yes I’ll take that please and thank you~

“W-What?” Riddlers trying to scramble to him feet and backward at the same time. It’s so cute how he scuttles around like that. “I hardly think that’s important right now.”

“Oh but I do so want to be just the BEST of FRIENDS with you. And how can we be friends if we don’t know enough about each other?” I stomp on his thigh to make a point and plop myself down so cutesy on his lap.

One hand grips his chin and waggles it and I wonder just how far i’ll have to go just to make my point. OH it’s not like it matters. I’ll go as far as I want after all.

He still needs to be functional though.

Pffft poo and here I thought some brains would be a nice decoration for this room.

“O-oh. Um.” His eye darts to the hammer. He knows this isn’t going to end well for him. Oh but I can’t stay mad at him, he's learned so fast I should throw him a bone.

“Like me, for instance. Oh I just can’t wait for our special Prom night! You know who i’m gonna dance with? Oh come on, he's all I ever talk about! I even drew his name in our notebook back in home-ec. I know you saw it.” Maybe i’ll throw him five.

“Uh, you mean the Batman?” I cackle.

“YES! He’s so lovely don’t you think? I’d just love to break him! But Riddles; Riddles Riddles Riddles, tell me dear. HOW can I break him if you break him first?” Ahh yes there it is. He knows now. There’s no way he can’t know. After all, I KNOW.

“Uh, uh well um. I wasn’t trying to,”

BAM! and OH what a lovely sound that was. He’s crying now you know. Seems like I broke his dominant hand. WHOOPS.

Ah well. Someone else can fix it. Poor little thing seems so startled. I’ll leave him be. Just a nice little pat on his sweaty head and off i’ll go. I’m not a mean man, no no no, i’m SO forgiving.

Besides, I have a Bat to play with. 

 

A bloody knife glinted in the faint moonlight. Batman was no stranger to the malicious glint of the Joker’s smile directed at him, if anything he found it to be comforting. It was Joker at his most honest.

A bloody knife and an even bloodier smile, destructive shenanigans meant to be more like playtime than anything serious. Joker was trying to keep Batman distracted and enticed all in one go. Dead bodies and a half-assed plan all in the name of having One. Good. Fight.

Joker described the punches as Batman’s special kisses.

Swing left, dip right and knee up. Knock him off balance but here comes a barrel flying his way. Batman knocks it up and away as he ducks.

Some of Joker’s henchmen come rearing up on all sides, goofy-large guns aimed at the ready and then BLAM!

Some stranger set off the fire alarm and a fire starts up. Ringing bells punctuate the air and Batman disappears up into the rafters before the goons can shoot. A rope comes flying and Batman grabs onto it, swinging down and looping it around the goons before dragging them into the rough metal side of the container. The force of it knocks them out.

He hears the boy whoop and can’t decide between the urge to admonish and the want roll his eyes and smile. A job like this would have been significantly more difficult half a year ago.

Dick, no Robin screams as a knife plunges into his leg.

Shit! Batman lost track of Joker.

“What’s THIS Batman!?” Joker latched onto Robin’s hair and kicked the boy even as he fell down viciously. Batman began to reach for a bat-arang when Joker waved a bat in warning. “You have a cute little birdie following you now? I thought you were a one show act~” the tightness of his grin, near flinching with the pressure it took to fake the smile, to make it appear warm; it was filled with an untold rage.

Joker, was he mad that Batman found himself a sidekick? Not that Batman wanted a sidekick mind you, but it was better than letting the boy run off and getting himself get into trouble. Ever since he found his way into the bat cave there wasn’t much Bruce could do to convince him that it’d be better if he stayed behind. This was his first real mission and Batman would be DAMNED if he let Joker beat the ever loving shit out of the idealistic naive child.

Joker could throw a tantrum all he wanted, Batman still wasn’t playing his game.

“You know better than to assume anything, Joker.” Joker tilted his head dangerously and slammed the ground repeatedly with the bat.

“You’re the detective, not me.” it was disgusting how betrayed Joker had the nerve to sound. Like he couldn’t comprehend Batman had a support group behind his heroics.

Not that he’d ever tell him about Alfred.

But Joker should know better, and he did. The glint in his eyes spied on Robin as though he were prey, like he was yet another toy to break. Something to use against Batman.

Thankfully Robin was already prepared to fly away at the first sign of a perfect distraction.

“Don’t sell yourself short.” Batman reared up and lunged, batarang already flying. Robin scrambled away, Joker Swung, police arrived, a bomb went off, it rained.

All in all it was a typical encounter with Joker.

Well, not really.

“I TOLD you to stay high!” an hour later the adrenaline finally faded enough for the rage to take hold properly.

Dick Grayson, currently shirtless and in his board shorts, found himself sitting on a clear table in the mirky old bat cave. Alfred applied bandages after applying some supplies to the bruise that remained there. He held a small ice pack to his bruised eye and glared at the floor before taking a deep breath and looking Batman in the eye. No Cowl or mask remained to protect Batman from showing his true emotions at this time, and he couldn’t be bothered to fake it.

This was real, this was serious, and the Joker WAS NOT supposed to learn of his existence.

All it really meant was that the boy was in ten times more danger now.

“Yeah, I know!” the boy yelled back and flinched as Alfred tucked in the bandage neatly. “I was just trying to help you ok!? They were ready to shoot you and everything.”

“I would have been fine.” Batman grumbled. There was so much more he wanted to say, could have said. But how could he say them right now?

Right now wasn’t supposed to be about how afraid he was to loose Robin, ESPECIALLY to the likes of Joker, ESPECIALLY on his first real mission. He had only been training for a week! A WEEK! And the boy had the gal to assume he could handle a night out.

No no. This was a mistake. Giving in to Alfred and Dick’s demands was a mistake. It doesn’t matter if the boy was threatening to go out and do vigilante work whether or not he had Batman’s help, this was ridiculous!

“You would have gotten hurt!”

“What’s the point of helping me if you’re just going to get yourself hurt instead?” Alfred moved to put his supplies back in the first aid kit in time for Batman to slam down on the table beside Dick. “He could have KILLED you!”

“That was an accident!”

“Master Bruce.” Alfred sighed heavily and rubbed at his forehead.

“It shouldn’t have happened!”

“Master Dick.”

“I said I was sorry alright!?”

“ARE YOU QUITE DONE NOW?” irritation leaking from Alfred firmly quieted down the argument. Both boys looked to Alfred. “For a first mission, it could have gone worse. But compared to Master Wayne’s first few nights out, you did wonderfully.” Batman flushed in embarrassment at the reminder of his more fumbling days. “Please understand, Master Dick, that Master Bruce is responsible for you and he is simply worried for his wellbeing. Although he could be better at showing it.”

“Alfred,” Batman began before Alfred stopped him with a tired piercing gaze.

“And Master Wayne, you must learn to control that anger of yours. I know you were scared, but you should not be yelling with Master Dick in such a fashion. He won’t learn from your anger.”

Batman reeled back and tiredly stepped away to remove his cape and the rest of his costume. Dick followed to gather his normal clothes and get dressed, stiffly limping. After a few minutes Bruce was ready to speak once more.

“The rope was a good idea.” Dick’s head snapped up towards Bruce and flushed from the praise. He wasn’t expecting it. Alfred watched exasperated and finished putting away the first aid kit and tidied up.

“Rope is always a good idea.” Bruce chuckled and slipped on a plain black shirt. and tightened his belt buckle.

“I bet you if we ask nicely, Alfred will make us some tea before we retire for the evening.” Alfred huffed but smiled softly, already retreating to prepare the tea.

“Oh, can I have some hot chocolate instead?”

“Of course Master Dick.”

What once was bickering turned into soft solemn chatter over the nature of the job. Alfred wished it could be a greater comfort to see, but such chatter always reminded him of the unfortunate nature that plagued his master’s mind. No matter, it was a butler’s duty to take care of the well being of his master, and Alfred could not stop his master’s whim as much as he wished to.

“Is he always like that though? He had such a freaky look, like he wanted to eat me or something.” Dick shivered. Bruce nodded sadly and thanked Alfred for the tea.

“He flip flops a lot. Really it depends on what he's trying to do and get.”

“But all he wants to do is kill people. He just wants to destroy something. It’s like nothing matters to him.”

“Killing isn’t his main goal so much as a side effect when it comes to Joker.” Dick nearly spat his hot chocolate.

“That sounds ridiculous!” Alfred shook his head sadly.

“Men like the Joker just want to watch the world burn, Master Dick.” Bruce nodded.

“He wants attention and does his best to cultivate chaos and insanity. Whether that means manipulating poor souls into being his loyal followers or causing distress and riots and instability, it all ends up meaning the same thing to him.”

Which brought another worrying thought to Bruce that he couldn’t bring himself to voice.

What was the Joker trying to get from Bruce?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep meaning to add in more characters to the mix BUT either it's just not time for them OR they don't really take enough focus in the story to warrant doing more than mentioning them. Like originally this chapter was going to feature Catwoman, but the need to infuse Joker's jealousy and anger into the story for future chapters was more important imo. I'll figure it out eventually. Maybe it'll become a flash-back deal since I've been leaving chunks open for these very reasons.
> 
> I wanna say I'm starting to have a good idea as to how much longer I have, but really it depends on how well I execute certain plot points and where I want to stop it at (no thats a lie I know where this story ends and it's open ended enough to allow for a continuation if I ever feel like it)


	10. A Bad Joke - As Told by Joker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker decided that he wanted to tell us all a Joke. Too bad it sucks. At least he finds it amusing I guess?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait!
> 
> So like I said before, this fanfic was really only meant for practice and fun. Unfortunately that means that I'm not gonna be super consistent with it but before you begin to wonder what that means for this story - I WILL BE FINISHING IT. I have an end game plan for it I've just been trying to decide what I'm missing and need to add in before going too much further. I had been thinking about rewriting the entire thing but as I read over bits and pieces today I realized that I actually really like what I've done and don't see much reason to re-do it. I might start including one-offs in here just to fluff up the story more but at this rate that will be after I finish the main story.

So a man walks into a bar and takes a seat in front of the bartender. The bartender takes one look at this man and goes, “What’s with the clown costume?” The man looks down at his outfit and then one at the bartender and goes, “What’s with the Bat mask?”

Funny isn’t it? Well, it only gets better!

Now the Bat goes back to business as usual. He kicks out the naughty patrons and protects the sweet little drunk ones whom are too blind to pay any mind to the rowdier guests. The Bat makes drinks and cleans up and the Clown watches him the entire time. Then the Clown REALIZES that not only has the Bat most likely forgotten about him, but dismissed him altogether.

Naturally, the Clown doesn’t understand why the Bat won’t come back to check on him. In the entire bar they’re the ones that stand out the most. And this annoys the Clown. After all, it’s the Bat’s fault the Clown came into the bar and stayed in the first place!

But the Clown sees all of the rowdy patrons Batsy tosses out, he sees how they pick fights and cause others trouble in such boring minor ways and the Clown thinks to himself. The Clown thinks, “I can do better.” So he pulls out his favorite gun, one that was meant for his own noggin’ once upon a time, and points it between some chub’s eyes!

It takes a few seconds, but the Clown can’t help but to find the look on the loser’s face utterly HILARIOUS and laughs as he pulls the trigger. Everyone around them screams and the Bartender rears his pretty little head back to the Clown and their eyes meet.

And this, this is everything the Clown could have ever hoped for.

The Clown begins to take aim another patron, but their eyes never leave one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this piece was something that I was considering as a prologue if I were to rewrite this entire thing. I was considering throwing in some more "first year fuck ups" type Batman stuff. Things like him meeting Joker and before Joker was Joker type shit. Maybe some of their first interactions. But then I read over the first chapter and realized that the poignancy of that first bit wouldn't be nearly as powerful since this story is supposed to mainly focus around the power struggle Bruce and Joker are facing with one another and if I started the story with something other than that power struggle it wouldn't be as focused as it could be.
> 
> I don't know. What do you guys think? If I do that in the future should it even be included in this story or just one off bits or something? Do you even like where this story is going? Do you have any ideas what the end game is currently? I tried to make some clues but I don't like my clues being overly obvious. I kinda prefer the re-reading potential that some stories have in the details that they hide and that was kinda was I was going for in this one...


	11. And the Bad Times Just Keep Coming!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hints Hints there's so many Hints, but that's not important yet. Oh no, it's only a tease you see? A TEASE! No no no no no, See we're all bored. Im bored, you're bored, Bruce is Bored, EVEN THE JOKER IS BORED HAHAha! Oh god, no nono this is no good. We must fix this surely? There has to be a way to end the boredom.
> 
> What's that? Joker knows what he'll do? *facepalm* we're fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't...begin to describe how hard it is to come out with a new chapter. NO! not because I don't like the story or any of that get that out of your head you silly person (you're a person right? people are still a thing?) but because I have to hash out and spend a long time working out what's gonna happen next that will lend itself to the overall story line (because there is a bit of a plot, no lie, I swear there is one i'm not just fucking with you in order to fill up the empty spots). This means that I have to get into Bruce Wayne's headspace, Batman's, and Jokers. I gotta think "what would these people do? how would they behave? what would they say? is this even important or entertaining? is there a point to this?" etc.
> 
> No lie, I end up deciding upon (almost) each section of the chapter whilst i'm in the shower. No joke. Especially Joker's bits. IDK what it is about Joker's personality and the shower but apparently they go hand in hand!

Claws in the dark slip over the lock, they won’t keep her out for long. They flaunt their wealth, their luck, their life, and they don't care about all the harm they’ve caused. They don’t care about the people they hurt. That’s ok. She’ll take what she wants and she will take her revenge.

Tears bite at her eyes as she removes the glasses from her face. Don’t let them see, you can’ t let them see. Used and abused, relatively ignored. No one cared about the injustices she has faced. No one cares about all the success she's has in her studies. Even when she tried to work past her trauma, her ‘condition’, she was still completely ignored by her peers. Everything she had ever worked for, everything she ever wanted. Ignored, laughed at, spat upon. Nothing matters when she’s the one presenting it. It’s not important if she’s not a man. That’s ok. She’ll show them, she’ll show all of them.

Breathe. Just Breathe. Smile and wait. They think she’s nothing, they think she’s slept her way to success. Nothing more than a blonde-big titty bimbo with silly dreams of grandeur. It’s ok. It’s nothing new. It’s not like she was ever really appreciated before. Just smile and wait, bide your time, and when they aren’t looking…

They’ll take everything important to you. They’ll rise up their powerless piers and wipe you out. They’ll take the mallet to your head and laugh all the while.

You can’t keep a good woman down.

 

Bruce rubbed his eyes and sighed heavily. The bandages covering the lashes and scratches on his shoulder and back had been irritating to say the least. To say he was expecting a character like Catwoman to come to life, well it was inevitable, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t surprised when she managed to whip his ass and escape practically every trap that had been laid out for her.

Certainly her skills for evasion and escape was improving all the time. Just because he managed to trap Selena once in his mansion didn’t mean he’d be able to do it a second time. And next time she might not be so nice about it.

No. Every few weeks it seemed like a new character came into play and it was disconcerting to say the least. Why? There had always been gangs and the mafia and other illegal circles of crime, but this was something completely different.

It was like a butterfly effect. First Batman, then a bunch of small time robbers and thieves wearing masks, Joker definitely was the next big thing. But then there was the Penguin, the Riddler, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, each character had a brand new form of chaos to bring to the table.

Poison Ivy, also known as Pamela Lillian Isley, had a particularly bad life. Particularly absent parents, abused by her science professor, betrayed and ignored by the rest of her peers no matter how hard she tried to prove herself. Her loss of humanity and complete dislike of mankind (especially men themselves) was unfortunately understandable. Apparently she found Gotham to be the perfect playground for her to experiment and play with her special breed of flour and fauna.

Catwoman, Selena Kyle, was an orphan of a once well enough off family. After her father took his life and mother died of drug overdose the bank took literally everything that once belonged to her family in order to pay off the debt her parents incurred due to bad deals with relatively unreliable people. Selena went through a majority of her adolescence letting the rage build up as she watched the upper classes of Gotham ‘parade’ around with so many trinkets and so much cash. As they gained more than they would ever be able to properly spend, taking and taking, Selena only saw thieves take things that rightfully belonged to her.

The past few weeks had been dodgy thanks to these two. Instead of devoting his free time to hunting down the Riddler, Penguin (Cobblepot’s new villain name as it were), and Joker, he had been forced to perform a difficult dance between trying to catch the cat thief whom only wanted to keep the goods for herself and putting a stop to the literal human embodiment of mother nature’s rage from destroying Gotham with her hellish vines and deadly poisons kiss. He could only imagine what a montage of his weeks would look like.

Set traps, whip to the face as the cat dragged herself free. The internet going crazy over vines encasing his entire body (which coincidentally was the closest thing to tentacle porn Batman NEVER wanted to be and now there’s artwork of him being diddled by horny flowers. That day went high up on his list of “WORST DAY EVER.”) Robin nearly dying for the third time this month thanks to one of Ivy’s kisses. A tranquilizer dart being deflected by claws. A tranquilizer dart being deflected by vines. Jumping over a barrier as Batman was forced to set fire to Ivy’s literal play house of deadly man-eating plants before they could grow free from their confines and destroy an entire block in the suburbs.

So as you can probably imagine, Batman really needed a fucking break. Had to have a break really. No matter how much he trained, Batman couldn’t change the fact that he’s only human and a human’s body can only take so much damage before it was absolutely vital to take a break.

Robin was on forced vacation for at least a week. No working out. No wandering around the city. No picking fights. Just rest and studying. Alfred would see to that. Robin really had no responsibility aside from staying out of trouble and continuing his studies.

Unfortunately, Bruce didn’t have the same luxuries.

No, instead of staying at home and chilling out next to the pool and catching up on sleep, Bruce had mandatory meetings with snooty tight-assed board members whom didn’t understand the differences between a hoot, a hollar, and un-fucking necessary cuts to what would be their worker’s livelihoods. Perhaps that was their idea of having a good time. It certainly wasn’t Bruce’s.

So naturally, Bruce was bruised, tired, sore as all hell, uncomfortable, and also bored. He leaned back in his seat and tried to ignore the sting from the lash marks and cuts on his back as one droned on and on, Nicholas Blight, Nicholas Blight is positively ancient and positively a ‘dunderhead’. A British bit of boorish personality topped with a bleak unimaginative familial expectations - Ok now he’s just getting mean. He’s a nice man when he’s not 100% sober, just obtuse.

Anyhow, Nicholas Blight is ‘highlighting’ the progress his company is expecting out of their underpaid workers since they’ll be receiving a meager token of appeasement for the holiday season meant to up everyone’s morale. Sure. Dream on. Charles Kenny is positively hungover and nursing what looks to be brandy in an attempt to wipe away his migraine whilst he nods and chirps answers to questions literally everyone already guessed in an attempt to make himself appear attentive. Mannuel Engliseas is possibly the most honest man of the bunch, and in being the most honest, he happens to be showing how much he doesn’t care about what Nicholas Blight is saying.

Jesus Christ it’s like he’s in middle-school all over again listening to awful presentations performed by his peers whom happen to have too much confidence and not nearly enough reason to be THAT CONFIDENT.

Perhaps it’s simply because he’s in a bad mood. Usually he doesn’t feel the need to be this ‘judgy' during these meetings, but jesus christ sometimes being a responsible adult Absolutely SUCKS. And this happened to be one of those days.

Man he couldn’t wait to go home and just relax. Dick would be out on a date all night which means Bruce wouldn’t have to (hopefully) worry about the child trying to get up to any shenanigans. Seriously, maybe he’s learned a little TOO MUCH from Bruce because his tenacity to obsess over criminals and other such related things was shockingly similar to Bruce’s own habits.

First though, first he would have to get through this hellish meeting.

 

 

 

His pale white finger traced the neon yellow string lightly. Yeah people usually used red, but Joker liked to change things up every now and then and yellow wasn’t nearly as distracting to him as the blood red strings were. No, Joker preferred his reds to come in the form of blood. It’s much more exciting that way.

But that’s not what he’s thinking about right now.

Boredly his eyes trace the plans over and over. Everything is in place, months early too. Now it was just a matter of time, check calculations and plans, put his chickens in a row, maybe shoot a couple of them for fun.

Riddler and Penguin were a little… too helpful.

Everything was perfect. So perfect that there was nearly no room for accidents! Batman would have a hell of a time trying to untangle this web, but he has help too now. Competent help. What a fucking disappointment.

It’s easy enough to tear some holes in a project that’s already been completed, but that still leaves him with a month and a half before “go time” so what the fuck is he supposed to do!?

Tap Tap TaptaptaptaptapTAP THUMP

Joked turns his rolling chair around, nearly shoving himself across the room before he recalls that this one isn’t nearly as big as his previous office nor the office he gave Riddler and Cobblepot. On this other side of the room the wall is filled with batman paraphernalia and a road map of the city of Gotham, suburbs and downtown and abandon buildings and everything that is 100% trash and free for Joker’s taking. Up to the left in the suburbs is where a small portion of the middle class socialites tend to live, those with families and white picket fences and like to think that they’re free from most dangers that Gotham faces on a daily basis. However, quite a few members of the mafia live here and make pretend that they’re normal. There’s even a couple crack houses and drug dens hiding over there. And even further up in the hills are some large mansions, rich snobby people who pretend like they love their privacy own homes here.

Tony Zucco owns a mansion up there but it’s usually reserves for massive private parties for all bosses and their mistresses. Other so far nameless people have homes as well, but those are typically “summer houses” for them. Manchester, Al Gul, Abberdeen, Gardner, Hush, etc.

All along the top and bottom of Gotham, also following the shore-line, are the multitudes of abandoned buildings, much more of them litter the top of Gotham than the bottom however. When Gotham first began it was a small village with an explosion of industry and warehouses along the north which eventually spread downward as the warehouses and factories largely fell out of use in favor of easier piers with less debris. Everything abandoned to the south faced structural damage due large to poor cheap constructions back in the early 1900s which resulted in mass deaths of the poor when a massive storm struck. Ivy took up a large block of small family homes and reconstructed them into her own personal greenhouses for her precious plants. It’s also where she happens to be the strongest since mother nature has partially taken over that largely due to Ivy’s assistance.

Downtown Gotham actually resides towards the north and partially along the pier and one would typically think that yes, the most crime occurred here, however the most that typically occurs is small business crimes and illegal imports and exports at the pier near there.

Joker’s eyes traces the stickers and pins that litter his little map.

Ivy is unlikely to move her base anytime soon and so far has not taken up any sort of secondary base and so a little rose sticker marks her spot. Riddle moves constantly due to what is available and so he has a green push pin. Penguin largely takes up space at his business which dances along the line of downtown and central right in the what most college students would refer to as the “party zone”. Gangs get a clear push pin because they’re wholly unnoticeable whilst the Mafia have a black ones. These pins represent their favorite hang out spots, bars parks and clubs, more than where their actual base is. Unless they’re using Tony Zucco’s home or one of the warehouses up north, it doesn’t really matter. If you can find one of their henchmen at the hang out spots, you can easily find their current base.

Joker never put his pin on the map because why would he? He KNOWS where he’s at. why would he want anyone else to find him so easily?

But there’s one more missing. One that bothers him day in and day out.

Where. Is. The Batman?

It’s almost ridiculous how hard it is to find a creature that stalks about Gotham nearly EVERY NIGHT compared to some of the other people he tracks. FUCK! EVEN BRUCE WAYNE IS A CINCH TO TRACK DOWN.

Where is he? Work, Penthouse, Mansion. If he’s not there, he’s probably clubbing in the “fun zone”. Fucking easy. And he doesn’t even have to send people to find that boy, just a phone call or two and it’s done, he knows exactly where to find him.

Joker stared down the spots on the map and contemplated Bruce Wayne.

Currently the faker was most likely at work. Most likely in a meeting. Most likely bored but upholding an excellent mask never-the-less. Maybe his peers know he’s been lying to them, hiding the real man.

People look at him and they see the lost boy of Gotham, orphaned and alone. They see the man whose smile is nearly as bright at Gotham’s cheeriest days, whose charisma help build and fund numerous orphanages, charities, and assist those suffering from disasters and attacks. He’s impeccably nice and polite although a bit of a doofus considering all of the relationship faux pas he commits to making time and time again. Drunken one-night stands with models and actresses he never really sees again unless they are on the arm of another man. The lack of real personal information he provides in the form of vague reminiscing meant to allow the listener to assume whatever they desire of him.

Possibly the best actor Joker ever had the pleasure of wanting to break.

Joker has observed and studied humans for as long as he can remember. It was always apart of his jobs in one way or another, being charismatic and friendly and wholly fake for the sake of manipulating your victim in order to gain the upper hand. It’s the warmth, the friendliness that draws them in. But Bruce never accounted for someone like Joker to be just as good at the game as he himself is.

It takes one to know one.

Thwrump Thwrump Thwrump. His fingers dance in a line along the table.

Well, he’s in need of entertainment since he basically has nothing to do. Maybe it’s time he takes up a separate hobby whilst he waits. Maybe…

Maybe he can make something even better out of Bruce.

A little bird that will sing only for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, imma be honest. I spent the past three weeks working on this section and it's actually only the first half. I was gonna wait BUT I think you've all waited long enough and the next section will most likely end up being only Joker and Bruce having some sort of conversation as well as some digging and development. I didn't wanna make you wait for that since I probably won't be writing that part until later on in the week.
> 
> Also, I decided I didn't wholly give a rat's ass how Gotham's layout in terms of uptown and downtown and decided I'm just gonna make that shit up based off of some other things I read. And if you're wondering, Bruce Wayne's mansion is more in southern central but still based along the shore-line.
> 
> Also I just wanted to give a shoutout to all of you reading! You're comments are wonderful and I hope you're all having a wonderful (or even acceptable) week!


	12. Detective Bruce Wayne Is My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how many of you realize how bs my chapter titles are. Originally I wanted to put "the cat wont stop meowing at me" but then I realized that would imply that this chapter is about Catwoman. It's not. It's simply a date wrapped up in an enigma, NOT NYGMA mind you. A Date and The Author won't stop dropping her fucking plot everywhere.

Swift blue eyes darted over each word carefully, one hand bending the pages whilst the other tapped and scribbled down notes and thoughts as though he were a student studying for a test. Perhaps it could be considered as such. It may as well be.

Bruce dropped the pen and paper and rubbed at his tired eyes, softly sighing before taking a sip of his coffee. Fat load that stuff did him - drinking it was more for habit and taste than actual effect. Each sip like a prayer that he’ll be done soon enough, that he only needs to hold on just a bit longer.

Part of Bruce recalled how Alfred stiffly reminded him that the lighting in the office upstairs was significantly better, that dinner would be ready in an hour. But he just couldn’t bring himself to take the papers back up to library or office when he wasn’t reading them for fun or relaxation.

Bruce felt as though taking Batman’s work into Bruce Wayne’s domain might taint the space somehow, like two souls that should never cross paths less they’re looking for the destruction of something they hold solace in.

Bruce looked over his notes and sighed heavily once more. Zucco’s men must be getting smarter because they changed up the codes they used. Really it would have been better to simply NOT use tabloids to send mass messages out, but it also drew the least amount of attention to their pawns when they scrambled for news.

So the change of code could really only mean a few different things:

1.) They realized that their supposed information leak wasn’t a mole so much as Batman working out what their codes meant or

2.) The message contained by this code is so significant that it needed to be protected better than all previous codes used over the past few years.

Sure it took him a day to crack it, but in the end this code was actually simply…stupid?

Long story short, the translation of the code had to be tracked by previous codes. A = B but B used to = C and C used to = D so now A = D type nonsense. Originally these transfers were meant to confuse anyone outside the loop but now they were just plain silly. Sure, not every translation was direct, but they were never meant to be because the people were supposed to already know what a generalized B meant. Things like Chocolate and Candy still being the same thing.

Anyhow, now that he had everything written down (old school - but sometimes it’s better that way) the message was becoming inherently clear and inherently worrisome.

Thank god Robin wasn’t on duty by himself tonight. They’re gonna have to have a meeting about this.

“Master Bruce,” Alfred’s muffled voice nearly made Bruce jump from his seat. “It appears we have a guest at the gate.” Bruce pulled up the video feed and actually felt the irritation prickle at his skin.

Now was SO not the time.

“Let him in. Denying him access is only going to make him want to come in more.” And possibly violent. “Bring him to the Veranda behind the Dining Hall.”

“Alright, Master Bruce.”

Bruce reluctantly left his seat in favor of possibly decoding a different message.

The lift was swift yet relatively quiet and Bruce contemplated what his method of attack should be. No doubt he’d have to figure out the nature behind Joker’s visit as well as the usual dig to see how Joker thought of Bruce and his plans for him. But perhaps he should pick at Joker’s thoughts on Batman.

He might have some interesting insight that Batman and Robin could really use right now.

Bruce thanked Gotham for the lovely night it provided as he flipped on the backyard’s lights to give a soft shine on the gardens and pool. The air was warm but not too humid. He leaned against the doorway, looking out at the night sky and the few stars that chose to show themselves despite the cloudy sky.

He was expecting something loud and boisterous and the wolf whistle didn’t disappoint.

“Master Bruce, Master…Joker is here to see you.” Alfred did well to hide his distaste, but after knowing him for all of his life Bruce could hear the hidden tone behind that carefully practiced veil of politeness. There was no doubt, however, that this time Bruce would definitely be forced to answer some questions.

That was fine. He just needed some information first.

“Ohhh wow!” Joker whistled as he slapped Bruce’s shoulder and used him as support while looking out over the garden. “What a sight! Why, it’s almost like you set this up for little ole me!”

“You must have a great sense of timing, dinner should be ready soon. Will you be joining me?” Bruce flashed Joker a small smile without moving from his spot.

“Hmmm, make it a date!” To most citizens that smile would have been threatening, but Batman learned long ago that Joker used it when pleased in most every manner.

“Alfred,”

“Already on it sir. Will you be having your dinner on the Veranda?”

“It’s a lovely night for it,” Joker suggested. Bruce finally removed himself from the frame and turned enough to see Alfred’s resigned form by the hall.

“Sure, why not?” Alfred quickly extracted himself to tend to dinner. Bruce in the meantime decided it would be a great time to lay it on thick. “Gotham doesn’t always give us such lovely nights like this.” He winked at Joker and casually shoved his hands into his pockets, hunching just slightly as if to be bashful. “So Joker, to what do I owe the honor?” Joker heavily poked at Bruce’s chest as if to push him back but leaned forward.

“Didn’t you hear me? It’s a date.” Bruce clicked his tongue.

“Damn, you really outdid me then. I don’t look nearly as good as you.” Sure, Joker wasn’t even close to his usual getup. But he always favored button up shirts and slacks. Without the massively popping colors and outlandishly violent behavior (ignoring the makeup and green hair), he could almost pass for a business man with a penchant for alternative tones. The pastel blue shirt rolled at the sleeves and pinstriped pants were a far cry from his usual outfit.

“Eh, what can I say? My usual outfit’s at the cleaners.” he leaned in as if telling a great secret. “Got a bit of blood on them a few nights ago and just had the darnedest time getting it out.” Bruce smiled and shook his head. It would be weird for Joker to have only one outfit, and he did seem to have a penchant for dressing up differently every now and then.

“So long as your safe.” Bruce stepped around Joker, as if to look over his body, and back into the dining hall. He turned to look at Joker once more. The man stayed still, looking out over the garden as if he were contemplating it. “Although it must not have been much of a fight considering you escaped without any injuries. It certainly must not have been against Batman.” Joker’s cheeky smile told a story of mischief.

“I never said it was a fight.” Sometimes Joker seemed so disinclined to speak of anything that couldn’t be construed as flirtations and silly banter. He wouldn’t even take the bait to talk about Batman.

Joker took a wide turning step around, leading himself back into the mansion following Bruce’s lazy gait around the dining hall. Studying the odds and ends. Paintings, portraits, a fireplace with an ornate rug, a grand piano. Even a gramophone. If Bruce were the kind to host a small dinner party this would be the room for it.

“You must have a lot of exciting parties in this room.” Joker dragged his finger along the grand piano.

“Not really. There ends up being so many functions to go to that I usually find myself burned out on all the socializing. If i’m not going out or hosting an event then I usually just enjoy a nice quiet night in.” Joker nodded and inspected the gramophone.

“Not much of an extrovert are you?” Joker spared Bruce a quick glance beforehe began to fiddle with the machine to turn it on. Soft jazzy tunes dusted the room until he turned up the volume.

“You’re not much of an introvert either.” Joker laughed and swayed to the music.

“No, I love the attention too much I’m afraid.” Bruce felt the distance Joker kept between the two of them both physically and mentally. The wall begged to be broken. If Bruce wanted to learn anything it HAD to be broken.

He glided forward and paused as Joker twirled to face him. He held a hand out.

“Would you like to dance, Joker?” Joker took his hand with a toothy smile.

“I LOVE to dance,” he purred as he let Bruce pull him into a lazy waltz, something easy and relaxing. He wouldn’t be able to run away now.

“Do you dance often?”

“Oh Brucie, nearly EVERY NIGHT.”

“Really? You always seem so busy with your plans and robberies and whatnot.” Joker giggled.

“Brucie-Boy, there are so many different types of dances.” Of course Joker would consider his crime sprees to be a dance of sort. But if that were the case, then his fights with Batman was just as much of a dance as the one they’re doing now.

It’s almost silly how he’s found himself dancing with Joker not only as Batman but as Bruce Wayne. Fighting, their mind games, the flirtations; They were all apart of a dance and they were making up the steps as they go along.

“Which one is your favorite?” they leaned into the sway as if to share a deep dark secret.

“Gentlemen,” Bruce would have shoved himself far away from Joker were it not for the fact that Alfred more than likely already knew of their shenanigans. Besides, jumping away when caught in a highly intimate embrace would have been childish. “Your dinner is ready.”

Bruce gently took Joker’s hand and led him to the small table set out on the veranda. Held the chair out for him and everything. As he sat himself opposite, he watched Joker as he listened to Alfred as he presented to them their dinner and filled their cups with wine.

“Thanks, Jeeves,” Bruce mentally sighed to himself at the jab.

“Please don’t antagonize my Butler.” he finally turned to Alfred. “Thank you Alfred. This will be all for now.” Alfred nodded and took his leave.

Joker tutted at Bruce and watched him for a moment, swirling the wine in his glass.

“As swell of a dancer you are…” he dragged out his words before taking a sip. “I think Batman is still my favorite dance partner.” Bruce shrugged.

“I figured as much. It would be kind of hard to beat a guy like him.” They began to eat their meal, nothing fancy just chicken and potatoes with a small side salad.

Bruce kept glancing at Joker out of the corner of his eye and came to a possibly worrisome discovery. Joker typically played with his toys rough and if they didn’t play along or fit his fancy anymore then they were done away with in whatever way Joker saw fit. Toys that were left to starve and die from drug addiction when they no longer have information to give him, when the amusement at a robbery finally dissipated into boredom and he made an example out of them. Houses burned down, important buildings blown up or gassed.

It’s hardly been a year since Joker began his crime sprees, but Bruce still had a hard time wrapping his head around the man. Sure, being closer to him in less violent settings has given him some insight, but it also brought forth more worrisome topics.

Once Joker’s done with him, what will he do to Bruce?

Bruce Wayne has a business, clients, employees, Alfred, Dick.

Batman was a perfect mask in so many ways, the only weaknesses he had were his body and his mind. But Bruce Wayne has no armor, no shield to protect those in his personal life he’s worked so hard to support. Money wouldn’t speak to Joker. Money didn’t entertain him quite like people’s misery did.

Bruce’s finger twitched and he put down his utensils. Slowly he leaned back into his chair and appraised Joker as he took a sip from his wine glass. Similarly, Joker appeared to be staring off into the gardens, but Bruce could see how Joker kept a watch over his dinner partner. The closed arms but open posture still leaning towards Bruce. The way his eyes threatened to look straight at Bruce instead of watching him from the corner of his eyes.

Joker loved very few things. He loved explosions and fire and the clacking of guns as he unloads rounds into his targets. Joker Loved the tears and pain and heartbreak. “Bad days” breaking someone down into something different and unrecognizable, something to the point where saying they are what they are because they had a “bad day” sounded like nothing more than a pathetic joke. He Loved the limelight and attention of all those he batted down like a pathetic bug, playing the part of a charismatic showman ready to send his viewers into the pits of hell.

Joker’s need for attention and desire to ruin something precious ran hand in hand.

Bruce Wayne wasn’t just a plaything, it was a toy Joker was going to break.

Badly.

 

 

 

“You know,” He’s been quiet for far too long. I know I’m a pretty face, but surely i’m not THAT distracting. He’s thinking very hard about something. I want to know what it is… “While I DO love the attention you’re giving me, I can’t help but to feel you’re thinking mmmMMUCH too Hard about something. Do I have something on my Face?” Joker turned himself back towards Bruce and lightly brushed glove free hand across his white cheek very daintily. Bruce settled his glass back down on the table.

“I was just curious,” he drawled out. Joker rested his head on his hands and leaned forward.

“Oh do tell~”

“It’s, ah- how should I put it.” Oh? What could he have been thinking about that’s made him so shy all of a sudden? “I can’t help but to wonder, naturally you’d have the name Joker to work under, but that name must not serve you very well for all occasions.”

“Like…?”

“Like in more…normal situations. Shopping, placing orders, maybe friends or family have a different name they call you by?” Ah, so he’s asking after my true name. How cute that he wants to know me in such a personal way.

Joker sat up from his seat and pushed himself forward enough to plant a little kiss on Bruce’s forehead. How could he not reward such a shy request from his little toy?

“I hate to break it to you, babe, but what you see is what you get.” Joker rested his legs up against the arm of the chair and slouched heavily as if to make a point. “Although I do like to use the name John Doe. Very anonymous.” Bruce huffed a soft laugh and rubbed the lipstick from his forehead as best as he could. Hm, that’s fine for now but he’ll have to fix that habit later.

“So you’re claiming you’re not like any of the other criminals that have been popping up these past few months? Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Penguin, Riddler?” Joker growled and rolled his eyes.

“Nope,” he popped his ‘p’ and grit his teeth in a forced smile. Sometimes it’s so annoying how some citizens of Gotham didn’t take him seriously. But Brucie was just trying to get to know him better, get closer, Joker can’t really punish that. He WANTS Bruce to want more. If he doesn’t then this game will just be boring and end faster. “I hate to break it to ya, but Me and Batsy, we’re like the originals. The prince’s of Gotham.”

“Clown Prince of Crime.” Joker nodded.

“So you’ve heard their nickname for me.” Joker righted himself in the chair once more. “Those losers are more like sad knock-offs. Saw a good idea and just jumped all in because they just couldn’t take what’s on their plate.” Bruce frowned and leaned away.

“I always thought that most every criminal got to where they were because of the hands life dealt them. I’ve even heard some rumors about Pamela Isley. She was treated like shit, abused by the ones she trusted most.” Heard it, felt it in her man-hating words, didn’t give two shits. They’ve all ridden the boat and they’re all trapped in the same shitty ocean. The only reason Joker hasn’t bothered to reach a hand out to her was because she’s proven herself to be more like a child rebelling in their newfound freedom than an adult with an agenda.

“How cute, you almost sound like you CARE.” Bruce rolled his eyes.

“I do, actually.” Joker felt his eye twitched. “I care about Gotham and I care about its citizens.” Of course Brucie was secretly a goodie-two shoes. And not fake care either, oh no- this was pure hearted ‘these people need help’ care.

Really Joker shouldn’t be so surprised.

Ever since day one, despite his drunk party boy persona, he’s given so much to charities, to his employees, to everyone. Most of it has been secretive, not necessarily under-the-table but more hard-to-notice ‘hush hush’. Whatever he doesn’t do on the down low typically gets swept aside by his newest ‘girlfriend’ or ‘crazy nights out’. If you don’t know the true Bruce Wayne then you would have simply assumed he donated to those charities or did those things for good PR.

What a wonderful fucking Mask.

No no NO! See, here they were going on about alternate personas when Bruce here has the best fucking one so far! Joker is a life-style, Poison Ivy is a child’s fever dream of power, Penguin’s a pathetic attempt at protecting a lifestyle, and Riddler is a sad child just wanting to be recognized. But Bruce…. Oh Brucie…

He has the whole town fucking convinced that he’s their poor orphan, beloved celebrity, just trying to do his parents right while making half-assed attempts at being an adult. But they don’t see, they don’t see because he doesn’t let ANYONE see.

Maybe Jeeves knows…

Joker pushed his seat away and swayed with each little step around the small table. Bruce stood to meet him.

“It’s funny, out of everyone harassing Gotham, you and Batman are the only ones we basically know nothing about.”

“Batman is Batman,” Joker insisted as he leaned into Bruce’s space. “And I’m me.” But you Brucie, no one has ANY CLUE who you truly are. Bruce leaned into the kiss with a small smirk.

“You’re telling me that you wouldn’t want to know what Batman’s secret identity is?” Joker stopped the kiss and frowned.

“What? No. Batman IS his true identity. Besides, that’d be such a cop-out don’t you think?” Bruce tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow. Joker raised his hands as if that would help explain his thoughts. “There’s ‘Gotham’s Finest’ shit-heads, there’s me, the mafia, and then there’s Batman. Out of us all Batman possibly has the most to loose by revealing whatever persona he happens to be using since he’s the only one not quite putting himself out like the rest of us are. By revealing what he looks like under the mask he’d basically be unable to do AT LEAST half of the things he was doing previously.” Bruce nodded, the curious look upon his face actually told Joker how sincerely interested he was by Joker’s own thoughts.

“That makes sense. But It’s becoming a big topic lately, I actually figured you’d be right up there with the rest of them.” Joker scoffed.

“Shows you what you know about me.” Bruce smiled softly and nodded.

“Not nearly as much as I’d like.”

A small thump drew Joker’s attention. Someone clearly just entered the main part of the house in a hurry. Small whispers only made a barely contained shout of “WHAT!?” that much more obvious. Bruce did a double take over his shoulder and sighed softly.

“I’m sorry, let me go see what the problem is real quick.” Joker nodded and watched Bruce’s back as he retreated back into the house and down the hall.

Hmmm, no. Unfortunately the mystery of Batman didn’t strike Joker as thoroughly as the mystery of Bruce Wayne. Usually people wore masks to do outlandish things, not….normal ones. He could see it in his eyes, the way his hands and body twitched when he restrained himself, how he paused to collect his thoughts and quickly process the best way to phrase something in order to obtain the best results. His stuttering a cute but fake display, his stumbles and fumbles to make him seem less sure or capable. The alcohol in his hands were either fake or nearly never consumed, every party and meeting Joker could smell the distinct lack of it on Bruce’s lips despite the assumptions everyone else made.

Bruce didn’t get into a bar fight and received cuts and bruises from it, but he sure as hell was in a fight of some sort.

Bruce Wayne is more true to an enigma than Edward Nygma.

It might take some doing, but Joker was sure he could cut his toy wide open and drag out the true man…maybe beast.

Joker peered down the hall and caught sight of the stupid orphan Brucie brought home. Sad little thing really, all brooding and bloody with a black eye. Truly a teenager.

Dick’s eyes snapped over at Joker and Joker slunk away with a smirk.

 

 

“Sorry about that,” Bruce rounded the corner and felt a sense of Deja Vu. Casually leaning against the doorframe as Bruce was doing earlier, Joker seemed almost at peace, swirling his glass of wine and sipping from it.

“That’s ok my dear,” he turned and looped one arm around Bruce’s neck, lightly tapping one nose against the other. “I was just thinking that we should probably call it a night.” Bruce pouted but felt almost relieved. An angry Dick was nearly volcanic in his mood swings and it was only a matter of time before he would finally blow up. Letting him blow up when Joker was nearby would DEFINITELY not be a good thing.

They shared a short kiss before Bruce escorted Joker back to his car.

Quietly he watched as the clown drove off, clearly whatever he got from Bruce tonight was more than enough to satiate him. That might not necessarily be a good thing for Bruce sadly.

Bruce piled the plates and took them in one hand whilst he grabbed the glasses with the other and stalked back to the kitchen to find a brooding Dick holding an ice pack over his eye whilst Alfred reheated dinner for him. Bruce put his dishes down by the sink and seated himself at the corner so that he could look at both Dick and Alfred.

“Before we get to business… Please tell me you didn’t go out looking for trouble.” Dick scoffed.

“No! Just some guys were being dicks picking on some kids. Trust me, they look MUCH worse than I do.”

“I don’t know whether I should be proud or worried.”

“I’d say both would be best.” Alfred suggested. Bruce nodded.

“Ok, so what the heck was up with crazy clown there?” The fact that he wasn’t screaming yet was actually a blessing.

Bruce sighed heavily and rubbed his face as he considered how would be the best way to put this. Alfred apparently decided he would help.

“A few months ago Master Bruce had a run in with Joker during one of his attempts to rob a charity.”

“So? Batman and Joker have been fighting for like ages now, right?”

“As Bruce Wayne.” Dick deflated as Alfred placed dinner in front of him.

“Oh…” Bruce gave Dick a moment to eat a little bit before he took over explaining the more pg details.

“I couldn’t escape to become Batman and a lot of people were going to get hurt if I couldn’t distract him. I guess he decided he liked Bruce Wayne because he keeps visiting me whenever he’s bored.” Dick swallowed and took a sip of his water.

“Isn’t that dangerous? He’s crazy!” Bruce nodded.

“As soon as he first took an interest it was probably too late to push him away. Dick, you remember what he does to his pawns that no longer serve a purpose. What he does to them if they make him angry or annoy him.” Dick frowned.

“But then that means that he’ll do the same to you.”

“Not… necessarily.”

“Master Bruce,” Alfred began but Bruce cut him off.

“Look, I’m not saying it’s a sure thing; but from what I’ve been weeding out of him, it seems like he’s taken a very specific interest. Sure he thinks of me as a toy, but a toy that he wants to break. He probably wants to completely ruin me, to be honest.” Dick practically sputtered.

“How is that any better!?” How fucked up is it that Joker preferring to break Bruce down mentally was better than him simply killing Bruce? Bruce nodded.

“It’s better because it means I have time and multiple chances to study him. I can question him and study him in ways as Bruce Wayne that I never could as Batman.”

“It’s been over three months sir, please tell me you at least discovered something about his plans from all of this.” Alfred sounded both tired and exasperated. He didn’t sound surprised, nor completely disappointed. Bruce nodded.

“As Batman I wouldn’t have learned that he was plotting something for the city. I learned that he was working with Riddler and Penguin and that his big plan was most likely going to utilize the gas he used the prison to do a mass experiment with. But as Bruce Wayne I learned that Joker has a very distinct need for attention and it’s not just because he’s using it to spark fear into the citizens.”

“So what? When he sets his plans off he’s gonna be parading it around that it’s him whose causing the chaos?” Bruce nodded.

“He’ll be most likely making a huge stand, all lights and cameras like a true showman, and everyone will be watching.”

“But in order for him to have everyone’s attention, he'd need a pretty big televised event to ransack.” Bruce shook his head.

“He always does big events for his robberies and whatnot. If his aim is to take down the entire city then a well known event that Batman and the Cops could easily track down and infiltrate would possibly bring it to an end sooner than he’d prefer. My best guess is that he’s going to hole up somewhere secret and massive and broadcast himself to every screen in Gotham. He’s probably going to use Riddler’s methods in his last escapade with the mind control, why else would he bring Riddler in after rejecting him?”

Silence.

Alfred paused in his cleaning and Dick stopped eating.

“We have a month left before it’s go time.”

Dick cursed lightly under his breath and leaned back in his seat. Alfred put his cloth down and lightly bowed his head.

“And also… we have one more problem.”

 

 

 

Edward Nygma leaned back in his seat and removed his glasses. He rubbed his head and chuckled. Gently he put his phone back down onto the desk and let out a dry laugh, and it wasn’t a laugh that a person laughed when they were truly amused or found something to be funny.

Well, I mean, this WAS pretty funny.

But FUCK was Joker gonna be ABSOLUTELY Pissed.

Edward Nygma looked down at his broken arm and the laughter bubbled away into despair.

Thank god he convinced Penguin to be the bearer of bad news.

 

 

 

 

The night was still young, the possibilities great, and Joker was ready and willing to see what was SO. VERY. IMPORTANT. that his dearest little Penguin felt the need to call Joker away from his precious little toy. Their date was about to get interesting after all. He really wanted to hear the little circus boy scream…

Through the back entrance, past the silly little guard with their special little password, and Joker could still hear the thrumming beat of the club in the front of the building. Up the back stairs towards Cobblepot’s office, Joker listened outside the door briefly before slamming the door open with a malicious smile.

“Ohhhh birdie i’m HOOOooommmeee!” Originally Joker had been planning on beating the shit out of Penguin for interrupting his date, but the jovial man turned pitiful wreck upon seeing Joker’s entrance was far more interesting.

“Ahhhh Joker, just in time!” Cobblepot pot turned his swivel chair back towards the victim.

“Now tell him Raymond what you told me and you’ll be free to go!” Cobblepot pot sounded almost excited.

Joker grinned and placed a hand on Raymond’s shoulder. Cobblepot’s guards stood at attention but almost seemed to turn away slightly. Almost like they didn’t want to witness what was about to happen.

“A-ah,” Raymond choked on his words. “W-w-wwelll Tony Zuc-Zu-Zucco put a hit out earlier today on,” the poor bastard was already sweating as if his life depended on it. His body shook as Joker crouched down next to him, rubbing his arm while shushing him.

“It’s ok - Raymond was it? We’re all friends here,” he practically hissed. Raymond stuttered even more as Joker’s grin turned into a frown.

“Tony Zucco put a hit out on Batman and Robin! He’ll pay anyone a fat load of cash for revealing their identities to him!!!”

You could tell from the look on Raymond’s face, almost wishing that Joker’s glare alone would be the thing to kill him off. Instead Joker cradled the messenger’s face as he stood back up and pulled the man with him.

“He wants…to know… their secret identities?” Raymond tried to nod as he grabbed at Joker’s hands.

“Y-y-y-yyyess! He says that they’re becoming too bothersome and he wants to ruin them!”

Cobblepot pushed himself away from his desk and casually strolled to the side, circumventing both Joker and Raymond, whilst gesturing to his men to follow. Calmly he clicked shut the door behind him right as the screeching began. As they casually strolled down the hallway he could just barely hear the thunks and cracks coming from his office.

Ah well…

He had been meaning to get a new desk anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I can't decide whether my favorite thing or my least favorite thing about this series happens to be all of the damn pre-planning ive been doing. There are characters and hints I keep dropping that won't even become relevant in this story. If I continue on this into a series then they will be- but for now it's more like story security. I already decided that flashbacks wouldn't work too well with certain characters but the context of their coming out in relation to Bruce and Joker works relatively fine so don't expect the world of them. There's already a set story in play here, it's just a matter of getting there.
> 
> I'd say we're like half way there....maybe. It just depends on how long I end up drawing out each plot point. The conversations and character interactions is really what takes me a long time.


	13. Robin's Exasperation - A look into the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin will forever maintain that HE DID NOT ask that Maniac for help...  
> He will also insist that this was the day he learned more about what it's like to be Batman than he will ever want to admit.  
> But when Bruce gets kidnapped - sorry, ABDUCTED - and the clown insists on going too, well there's not a whole lot you can do about it now is there?
> 
> F.Y.I. This piece wouldn't actually occur anytime soon but since the author doesn't even know if she'll ever get to this point in the story she decided to go ahead and just post it as a gift to her readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent an entire day just working on this chapter. A chapter I TOLD MYSELF I would wait to write until later.  
> Sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way we thought it would.
> 
> Also, for some reason the idea of Dick Grayson/Robin being just so exasperated by all the shit Bruce Wayne/Batman puts up with from the Joker and the others amuse me. Just like, that moment of growing up where you find yourself doing all of the shit your guardian had to put up with and you're just like "No??? Is this really what it's like??? I think I was gypped??? I want my money back life is a scam???"

He was absolutely floored. Not much about this made sense - HELL this wasn’t even SANE.

Robin felt the his headache twinge and rubbed his head while tuning out the absolute MANIAC humming next to him. Is this what Batman had to deal with? Is this what Bruce Wayne put up with?

They’re either SAINTS or they’re just as fucking crazy as the Joker.

Robin turned away to face the window as he contemplated where exactly he went wrong with his plans.

 

 

 

The brisk winter day beckoned to the oncoming spring like a distant lover. Ok, so really Dick Grayson was generally over the cold winter months - he was only just getting over a cold and his friend Barbara was now the one suffering. Somehow Bruce and Alfred managed to avoid getting hit by the bug however according to Barbara, her father Jim had also fallen ill and they both now suffered together at home today.

Dick scrolled through news articles while he chowed down on the sandwich Alfred packed for him today. Breakthrough in environmental science concerning alternative methods of clean energy, another attack in Bludhaven, growing unrest in Metropolis between Lex Luthor and Superman (for like the third time this year). So far Gotham herself seemed to remain relatively quiet today, but that silence could never last long.

Over the intercom Dick could hear the call for him to report to the Principal’s office. Dick’s head snapped, adrenaline threatened to rush through his veins but he took a slow breath and willed it away. Maybe this was just a mistake, maybe there was a doctor appointment scheduled that he didn’t know about.

Maybe something happened to Bruce.

He hastily stuffed his food back into its container and calmly strolled out of the cafeteria to the main office. Dick took a few deep breaths before opening the door; there they stood in a circle, speaking in hushed voices before turning to Dick. The distinct lack of pity in their eyes reassured Dick sadly enough. Bruce wasn’t dead.

No apparently he was abducted before he could go onstage for his live tv interview.

Dick bit his cheek, he didn’t know anything, how could he? But apparently Alfred was coming to pick him up, keep him “safe” at home while they tried to hunt down any sign of Bruce’s whereabouts. Until someone sent a message about him there wasn’t much else they could do other than looking for any clues.

Forty minutes later and Alfred had him in the car.

“Alfred,” Dick leaned back in his seat and looked out the window as they drove through the city. “We have to find him.”

Already Dick’s mind was racing through worries and what ifs. Relatively useless things if not considered in a constructive manner. No, sitting around and waiting for any signs would do Dick no good - he needed action, research, and he had a few ideas as to where he could start.

The phone rang a few times before Barbara picked up. She sounded stuffy and groggy, but that was to be expected.

“Bruce has been kidnapped.” he heard the hitch in her breath.

“I’m coming over right now.” Dick’s voice cracked.

“No! Look, you said your dad was home sick with you right? He’ll get suspicious if you leave right now!”

“Well why else would you call me if you didn’t want my help?” Barbara practically hissed. Dick would have to take control of this situation now before Barbara became too hard headed and determined to barrel forward with her own plan.

“I never said I didn’t want your help! Just stop for a moment ok?” Barbara didn’t argue. “I need you to start looking over the video feed, see if you can figure out who took him and where their truck went.”

“You want me to provide technical support?” she almost sounded offended but the sneezes that followed ruined the effect. Dick sighed heavily.

“Look, right now you’d be a liability and I don’t think Bruce would appreciate you going on the job when you can barely fight in a straight line.” Barbara sniffled and sneezed once more.

“Plus you’d give your hiding spot away with all that sneezing you’ve been doing.” Alfred added dryly but otherwise listened quietly as he focused on the road.

“I guess you’re right…” Dick mentally celebrated. Usually Batman was the one stuck arguing with Barbara when she got hyper focused on something. He was almost grateful that Barbara was just sick enough to be unable to argue, had she been well enough to not sneeze up a storm at the slightest of sniffles she might not have been so inclined to listen to reason.

“Thanks Babs.” Barbara scoffed.

“You know I hate that nickname.” Dick could hear the clack of keys and tapping as Barbara began to type away on her end of the phone. “I’ll get started, but Dick, what are you gonna do in the meantime?”

“I’m gonna get a head start on looking for Bruce. I can think of at least one person of interest who can save us on time and even if he doesn’t know anything we can count on him to keep the city relatively under wraps until Batman gets back.” Barbara cursed on the other end.

“Crap you’re right! None of us can pose as Batman and if his rogue gallery figure out that he’s missing then we’ll be in trouble.” Dick nodded.

“My thoughts exactly. One night is fine, but if any of them get out of hand or demand Batman’s attention there’s not a whole lot we can do.”

“But are you gonna be ok?” Dick saw the way Alfred’s hand clenched the wheel. It was unfortunate that all three of them knew whom exactly Dick was talking about and similarly none of them were too thrilled about it.

“God I hope so. If not i’m gonna come back as a ghost and haunt Batman’s ass.”

 

Bruce Wayne being kidnapped really posed a series of issues that only now was Robin beginning to notice. Sure, if Batman was kidnapped then Lucius Fox was more than capable of handling Wayne Enterprise in his stead - they could just make it seem like Bruce went on a random vacation or something. But Bruce Wayne being kidnapped wasn’t something they could easily cover up on Batman’s end.

As soon as the criminals of Gotham realized that Batman wasn’t stalking the night they’d probably swarm the city. And if they connected Bruce Wayne’s kidnapping to Batman’s disappearance…

Robin wasn’t pumped up NOR tall enough to make pretend at being Batman nor was he about to wear all of that heavy armor.

Well, they’d just have to rescue Bruce Wayne before anyone could take notice.

So even though the sun was still in the sky, Robin found himself peering through his binoculars, waiting for Alfred’s input on any possible open spaces for infiltration. To most unsuspecting civilians this entrance was completely open, but Robin knew better and he could see the hidden sentries peeking through their holes, waiting to gun an uninvited visitor down. Unfortunately this was the only known entrance Robin and Batman had been able to find and this man’s hideout was as perilous as his personality.

“Robin, I still think this is a bad idea.” Robin nearly scoffed but managed to keep it in. Alfred’s worry was justified, for sure, but if Batman could handle this maniac then so could Robin.

“Of course you do, I do too. But there’s no other way for me to get in and I can’t draw him out without getting shot.” All he needed was an in, a way to get his attention and speak to this… Robin felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle, adrenaline shot through his veins in record time.

“How about skull bashing then?” Robin threw himself to the side just as a metal bat came slamming down onto the rooftop where he was crouching.

“Joker wait!” Robin threw himself to his feet just a few feet away, hand out, but Joker didn’t have a care in the world. A bullet whizzed by Robin’s shoulder. “Fuck- I just needed to ask you a few questions!” Robin dodged to the side and stayed low, Harley couldn’t shoot him from her window if she couldn’t see him.

BANG BANG THWUMP!

Robin gasped and clutched his stomach.

“THIS IS ABOUT BRUCE WAYNE!” Joker paused in his swing. Robin caught the hand motion as he waved towards the hideout. He leaned some of his weight onto the bat and coldly stared Robin down.

“What about him?” Joker seemed calm, almost unconcerned. If he doesn’t know yet then he didn’t do it, but he could also be so relaxed because he has Bruce right now. “He was kidnapped earlier today.” Joker rolled his eyes.

“It’s not kidnapping if he’s an adult.” Robin huffed and straightened out as much as he could despite the mellow throb in his abdomen.

“Abducted, what the fuck ever. I need to find him and I thought I’d at least ask if you had him.” Joker tsked. Robin wondered if Bruce really meant so little that he was unbothered by the news. Perhaps he was acting, but Robin was no expert when it came to Joker. Not like Batman was.

“And why would I have a stud like that, exactly?” Robin folded his arms and put on his most stern disapproving face.

“Oh please, you both got a thing going on, it’s so obvious. I’d be a lot less worried over his whereabouts if he’s at least with you.” Joker smirked and bared his teeth at Robin.

“You know, if you’re having so much trouble tracking him down, why don’t you have your little Batman help you?” Robin already had his lie ready to go.

“He’s out of town right now. On different business.” Joker’s head pitched back with a sharp laugh.

“Big Bats is gone and you can’t even handle a kidnapping little birdie?” he cackled more and swung his bat up over his shoulder. Robin shook his head.

“It’s not kidnapping if he’s an adult.” Joker paused and glared Robin down. Robin shrugged. “Don’t sass me about my phrasing if you’re just gonna go and say the same thing.” Joker stuck his tongue out and Robin could practically feel him contemplating whether he wanted to kill Robin or not. “Look, all I wanted to know was if you were trying to schmooze him right now or something. But you’re clearly not, so now I need to get going and make sure that whomever has him isn’t planning on killing him or something stupid. You know how depressed the citizens of Gotham would get if their favorite celebrity died.” Robin turned and began to stalk away.

He knew he was playing a dangerous game. Knew that Joker could just as easily swoop in and beat the shit out of him for speaking so rudely and turning his back on him, but this was a gamble he had to make if he wanted to find Bruce Wayne faster and ensure the town’s safety. Robin listened carefully as he reached the opposite end of the building.

“Wait!” Robin paused. He didn’t sound desperate, only annoyed. Either way, it was a win in Robin’s favor. Robin gave it a moment before turning around and saw Joker already on the phone and clearly irritated. He flicked one hand out towards Robin, gesturing for him to come back.

Robin didn’t hesitate, only took his time to make sure that he wasn’t about to get beaten or shot by an irate Joker. Robin almost felt struck by the difference between Joker’s expression and his voice.

“Peeennnguinn buddy, what’s up? Yeah - don’t care. You hear anything about Bruce Wayne being abducted? Yeah, that’s not gonna work for me.” Robin felt positively floored by the speeding up and slowing down speech pattern Joker seemed to prefer currently. It was like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to sound sweet or impatient, and either way he was definitely pissed.

Robin studied the clown. Makeup well done, red lips perfect, green hair and suit neatly in place. Joker definitely never ended a rowdy night in perfect shape like this and he CERTAINLY never began any of his heists in any outfit other than this.

Robin nearly forgot to hold in his sigh of relief. Joker was never inclined to perform high chaos events when he knew Batman wouldn’t be able to respond so either tonight was going to be a meeting, a small heist with minimal damage, or canceled altogether now that he thinks Batman is out of town. This would save Robin at least one problem for now.

“Uh-huh, oh i’m so sure!” Joker leered as if Penguin would have been able to see it. “Yes, yes, yes, do that! And do be snappy about it, this is absolutely going to ruin my evening if it takes too long!” Joker hung up the phone. He took a hefty breath before his head snapped over to Robin. Robin flinched back but kept his gaze level with Joker.

Damnit, his growth spurt was really taking its time.

“I suppose,” Joker began before pocketing his phone. “That we would only get in each other’s way we split up now and you wouldn’t be inclined to leave Brucie Baby to me until you found him.” Robin crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Joker.

“I didn’t ask for your help.” Dick jumped back as Joker lifted a hand to pat him on the head. He might have confronted Joker about Bruce’s whereabouts, but that doesn’t mean he was gonna willingly let the man touch him like Bruce did. Joker’s tight smile promised restrained anger.

“Just let daddy handle this one. Besides,” Joker turned and made his way to the door leading to the stairwell. “I don’t like lowlifes playing with my things. NOW!” Joker snapped as he threw the door open and pinned Robin with a glare. “Either you come with me, or you leave Brucie to me and stay out of my way!” Joker didn’t wait for Robin to decide and Robin will deny any accusations of him running after the clown.

Robin answered the call to his earpiece before the first ring could even finish.

“Robin, I got a lead.” Barbara, sweet wonderful Barbara, “So police found the van they put Bruce in down south BUT it’s not the same van.” Robin frowned and eyed Joker just a few feet in front of him.

“So they switched license plates or something?”

“Yup! They tried to be sneaky but I found them making the trade off in downtown Gotham!”

“Ok, then where did the real van go?”

“I don’t know.” Joker scoffed ahead of them. Fuck he must have good hearing if he can hear Barbara.

“Great, we know where he might not be. Super help voice in the sky!” Shit, was Joker being SALTY about this? Robin realized the silence on the other end and promptly turned down the volume.

“You’re STILL with the Joker? Are you crazy!?” Joker split into a laugh as he wandered down a dusty hallway leading closer to the actual entrance of his hideout.

“We’re all crazy down here, voice in the sky!” Robin rolled his eyes.

“It’s Batgirl,” he finally corrected him.

“What are you even doing with him! I thought you were just gonna check that Bruce wasn’t with him!” Ok, this definitely felt like Deja Vu. The only difference was that instead of Robin yelling at Batman, it was Batgirl yelling at Robin. Was this what it’s like to be Batman?

“Oh calm down girlie,” Joker practically purred as if anything he said could actually calm Batgirl down. “Little birdie here came asking for some help, how can I turn down Batman’s little protege?” Oh, he was definitely mocking Robin with that baby talk. Ignore him, don’t rise up to the prodding, don’t - 

“I didn’t ask you for help!” Aannnnnd failed. Batgirl scoffed.

“Sure, don’t let me help but let the crazy clown fucking hang out with you,” Robin rubbed his head. The sun hadn’t even set yet and tonight already SUCKED.

“You ARE helping me Batgirl. Just- Ok so they traded license plates so clearly they’re not THAT stupid.”

“They’re still newbies.” Joker grumbled. “No-name thugs with something to prove are still reckless and STUPID.”

“Right,” Barbara agreed with Joker and Robin was already over this entire experience. “Because I caught them trading him out into ANOTHER car not three blocks down and THAT car went back up towards the warehouses. My best guess is they’re holding up somewhere near the pier.”

“Unless someone’s using the warehouses for exports and imports those warehouses typically stay empty. Only Penguin keeps an operation ongoing up there consistently.” Holy shit, this was his day today. Robin found himself in a team with Joker and Batgirl and they were kinda getting along alright??? What even is life?

“But that leaves us a good thirty different possible buildings to sort through if they haven’t parked out somewhere obvious.” Joker pulled open his phone and shot a text to one person before calling up another.

“Harley, bring the car around to the back of Sturling’s.” Harley began to respond but Joker immediately ended the call and came to a stop next to an exit. He placed himself against the wall and looked out the window, patiently waiting.

“I’ll start a scan and see if Alfred’s come up with anything yet.” Batgirl hung up before Robin could get another word out.

 

Only a few minutes passed but the silence found Robin to be particularly on edge. Batman said that Joker was extremely dangerous and that you should always be on edge, Robin wondered if a quiet calm Joker should be considered just as threatening as a loud hyperactive one. This hardly felt like a normal Joker to Robin. Usually he was always on the run or threatening someone, making a big show out of nearly nothing. But right now, right now Joker seemed contemplative and… pouty?

Through the window, Robin spot a car pull up outside and Joker didn’t hesitate to throw the metal door open to a grinning Harley Quinn.

“Mistah J, what’s going on?” Joker practically ignored her as he went to the driver’s seat.

“Get in,” he growled to Robin, barely giving him a second glance. Harley moved to follow before he snapped. “Not you! Our plans are canceled tonight,” Robin felt a spark of sympathy as Harley pouted heavily and slumped down. At least he didn’t smack her today.

“When will you be back puddin?” Joker slammed the door shut and Robin jumped in with his heart in his throat. Joker didn’t even wait for Robin to buckle his seatbelt before he took off down the alley and onto the main road.

Joker must have sensed Robin’s nervousness, maybe took pity, because after a minute he sighed heavily and flicked on the radio on to a random station, something with pop. Robin scrunched up his face in confusion before eyeing Joker.

“What?” Joker snapped.

“You listen to hip hop?” Joker scoffed.

“I listen to everything.” Robin eyed him through the corner of his eyes. “Oh get off your high horse! You’re like what? Thirteen?”

“Sixteen.” Joker shook his head.

“Whatever. You can’t honestly tell me you don’t listen to this kind of music.” Robin shrugged.

“I never said I didn’t, just didn’t expect you to.” Joker chuckled.

“I’m sure Batman absolutely HATES this kind of music.” Robin contemplated his experiences with Bruce and music. He never really complained about music except for a select few times Dick played it too loud for Bruce’s tastes.

Dick remembered the concert Bruce took him to for his birthday last year. Barbara didn’t care for the band and Dick KNEW Bruce hated that band’s particular sound but he insisted that Dick not go alone. He went and did his version of dancing with the crowd they found themselves tucked in. Bruce bought Dick one of their CDs and a band-shirt even though Dick insisted it was a waste of money.

Robin sucked in a breath and released it slowly, reminding himself to stay calm.

“He has his preferences, but he never really complains about what I listen to.” If Joker sensed Robin’s discomfort on the subject he never mentioned it.

Instead they found themselves listening to the music as Joker managed to drive..well, not like an impatient asshole? Dick honestly couldn’t decide if Joker was driving safely or simply trying to not draw attention to himself.

Joker began to hum along happily, fingers tapping along almost in a jovial manner. Ok, this was definitely worrying. Robin compared all of his experiences with Joker, Batman’s warnings, Bruce’s battle wounds and bruises made by the Joker - the headache was definitely there and he had absolutely NO IDEA how he was ever going to explain this to Batman.

The tapping certainly was distracting as it increased in speed. Just like how his humming stopped abruptly. Robin swallowed the lump in his throat and wondered what Joker was thinking about now.

“So…” Joker began softly, quietly, almost like he was afraid to ask the question. “How long did you say Batsy was gonna be out of town?”

If Robin said he’d be back tomorrow night and he wasn’t then Joker would be pissed. Perhaps he’d wait a few days before growing restless, but relying on Joker to wait for Batman was a tricky game. Especially if it was a game Joker wanted Batman to be apart of. But if Joker couldn’t wait AND Batman was back then that means that Joker wouldn’t be expecting Batman to show up, they might be able to get a hand up on him and arrest him once more.

“About a week. Maybe more. He won’t tell me much.” Joker hummed and nodded. His phone beeped and he reached down to pick it up “Are you seriously gonna pick up your phone?” Joker scoffed.

“I kill people and you’re complaining about me texting a driving.” Joker read the text quickly before tossing the phone back down. “Besides, now we have a better idea as to where we can find our dear celebrity.” Robin eyed the street lights, nearly missed the way the sun set in winter for Gotham, and to himself he hoped that Bruce was safe, that he’d be able to come home tonight with no problems.

Typically Robin wouldn’t worry about Batman, Batman already proved to be nearly as much of an escape artist as Joker, but Bruce Wayne WASN’T Batman. Bruce Wayne couldn’t just pick his own locks, sneak around, fight. Bruce Wayne was gutless and useless, and doing anything that proved otherwise was dangerous.

Robin answered the call.

“The car’s parked just behind warehouse 13 but,”

“Already on it missy!” Joker called. Robin could practically FEEL Batgirl scowling.

“BUT they’re hiding out in the basement of warehouse 10. I looked up the building’s schematics, there’s only one stairwell that leads to the basement HOWEVER there happens to be open air ducts that you can climb down into the basement.” Joker hummed as if he were enlightened by Batgirl’s information.

“Good to know.”

“They have a guard at the entrance of Warehouse 10, but if you go around back you should be able to get in super easily.” Joker scoffed.

“I’m not really a back entrance kind of guy.”

“We’re trying to SAVE Bruce, not get him killed.” Robin chided the older man and felt flabbergasted by it for only a moment. “Thanks Batgirl, keep me posted if anything changes.”

“I’m sending you the schematic of the air ducts in the building. TRY to stay safe.” Batgirl reminded him before they cut their call.

Despite Joker’s seeming dislike of Batgirl’s information he actually listened to her suggestions, he avoided the front end entirely and even parked a ways away from the back. Robin and him both snuck up through the shadows and surveyed the inside. Hesitantly Robin looked to Joker and gave him a firm glare even though Joker wouldn’t really be able to see it through Robin’s mask.

“No matter what we’ll have to detain the lookout before going down for Bruce and we can’t alert them to our presence, they might shoot him if they know we’re coming for him.” Joker’s face scrunched up but he still nodded.

“You’re planning on going through the air ducts?” Robin nodded. “Let me take care of him, it’ll be easy. Then I’ll take the stairs and act as a distraction while you release B-boy.” Sound plan really, Robin only had one complaint.

“Don’t kill him, just knock him out and tie him up or something. You know Bruce will probably be upset if you killed him.” Joker growled.

“You’re almost as bad as Batman. Trying to ruin my fun.” Robin rolled his eyes.

“I thought Bruce was your fun.” the glare Joker pinned him with was all the warning Robin needed. Joker would only take so much sassing and back talk from Batman’s sidekick and if he didn’t watch himself he might get ‘punished’ like Harley Quinn. Robin pushed down the spark of fear and waited for his moment.

“By the way…” Joker drew out his sentence slightly. “You call him ‘Bruce’ an awful lot.” The fuck was he trying to imply? That Robin had some sort of familiarity with - fuck he’s right that IS suspicious.

“You’re not the only citizen in Gotham whose rather fond of him.” They locked eyes for a moment before Joker relented and looked away. “See you below.”

Ignore the smirk. Robin told himself. There was a sweet difference between shying away from Joker’s malice and simply being smart about which fights you picked with him. Robin easily snuck his way into the air duct Barbara indicated he should go to on his indicator, watching for one uneasy moment as Joker snuck his way up behind the shitty lookout. He decided to head down and not watch… just in case.

Although he certainly had to give it to Joker, he didn’t alert the lookout nor the criminals in the basement; but Robin would reserve judgement until later because really he couldn’t just ASSUME that Joker didn’t choose to kill the lookout. At least Bruce looked mostly unharmed. The man in the chair was the same build and wore the same outfit Bruce chose to wear to the interview so the bag over his head didn’t make Robin wonder if that was truly him.

Only three thugs sat conversing in the basement, waiting for something or someone, and wholly ignoring Bruce the entire time. Robin watched, happy that their backs were relatively turned towards him, and saw how Bruce quietly fidgeted with the chains around his wrist, slowly undoing them so as to not draw suspicion. He watched enticed by the scene for only a moment.

CLUNK! CLANG CLUNG CLUNK! an empty can came bouncing down the stairs and the men all jumped to attention. Robin began quickly undoing the few screws, holding onto the vent cover and lowering it quietly under the cover of the heavily distracted guards as they all yelled up. A soft cackle kept them distracted as Joker slowly stepped down the stairs.

“Well, WELL, well -LOOKS LIKE I’M NOT LATE TO THE PARTY!” Joker paused and sent a malicious smile towards each man. They all held their guns up at him but refrained from shooting on sight.

“J-JOKER!” the bravest of the bunch called out. “What do you want?”

Robin quietly landed on the stone floor and snuck up behind Bruce only a few feet in front of him. He pulled the bag off of his head and whispered into his ear while undoing the rest of the chains for him.

“Sorry i’m late.” Bruce turned his head slightly. Robin tried to keep the chains quiet as he lowered them to the ground.

“Still a lot faster than I was expecting.”

“I had help.”

“Obviously.” Bruce stood up.

“WELL! I just so HAPPENED to hear that SOME SILLY LITTLE IDIOTS thought they could take my things!” The men turned to look at Bruce but it was too late for them.

Robin knocked out one with a chop to the neck, Bruce clenched his hands together and swung them to the side at the other, and Joker…

BANG!

Well he shot the third.

“Joker!” Robin snarled.

“WHAT!?” Joker shrugged and tossed the gun to the side. “He’ll live!” Robin rolled his eyes and checked on the guy Joker shot. Bruce dragged the others closer together and chained them up to the broken down boiler in the corner. Luckily Joker only shot the goon in the leg so all Robin had to do was patch it up a little. He wouldn’t bleed out and chances are the cops were already on their way to pick them up so the man would live.

Robin pulled out one of his own restraints from his utility belt and secured the final one to a different pipe away from the other two. The man groaned in pain but considering Joker was the one to shoot him, well he’s lucky to be alive. Robin saw movement out of the corner of his eye and looked away with a slight blush.

Joker showing Bruce and Batman his affection for them would always be….a little unsettling.

Fuck, what if Robin got used to it? Oh god he’d be around Joker so much. Fuck that. Robin called Batgirl instead.

“He’s safe.”

“Oh thank god,” Batgirl sighed. “Any casualties,”

“Joker did you kill the lookout or did you knock him out like I told you to.” Joker grumbled and Bruce chuckled. “Well, one of them was shot in the leg but otherwise we seem to be all clear.”

“Well damn,” Batgirl whistled. “Didn’t know he had it in him.” Robin laughed. He turned slightly and saw the pouting glare Joker shot at him. “You got Batgirls seal of approval so far, good job. That’s like, the most difficult thing ever.”

“Hey!” Joker shot Robin a smirk and shrugged as he turned to Bruce once more.

“See Brucie Baby? You lower the bar so far that they consider it a job well done when you DON’T kill someone.” Batgirl’s call suddenly cut off and Robin could only assume it had something to do with her parents.

“I wouldn’t consider that a win. Coming from you, there are worse things than death.” Bruce patted Joker on the back and began to walk up the stairs, finally leaving the basement. “I assume we’re all clear?”

“Ah,” Robin turned and ran to catch up to the men. “We didn’t see any signs of other lookouts, but we also entered from the back.” Joker scoffed. “It might be better to check once more before we leave ourselves open.” Joker reached a hand out and ruffled Robin’s hair. Robin flinched away from the hand.

“The princess is safe, quit your worrying.” Robin pinned Joker with a glare but Joker let out a laugh. “Harley would have called me if there was any danger still.” They reached the top of the stairs and Joker gestured to the side.

“Harley?” they reached the top of stairs and there she was waiting by the entrance. Robin felt… well ok he really shouldn’t have been surprised but Harley had an almost an uncanny fascination for Joker and sense of unwavering loyalty. The bastard really didn’t deserve it.

“Mistah J!” Harley waved.

“Well I’ll be damned.”

“Language.” Bruce huffed at Robin. Joker smirked but didn’t comment.

Robin crossed his arms and pinned Bruce with another glare. Come save the asshole and this is the kind of treatment he gets? Fine. See if he ever teams up with Joker again. Bruce’s shoulder’s sagged.

“You did good kid, though i’m surprised you teamed up with Joker just to come save me. Was Batman too busy or something?” Bruce lightly patted Robin on the shoulder and his shoulder’s sagged too. The stress of the day was thankfully over sooner than Robin could have ever hoped.

“It’s not like I asked him to help,” Robin insisted. “I just went to check that he wasn’t the one that abducted you since I knew you two had a thing going on.” Bruce nodded with a soft smile. “He insisted that I either go with him to save you or stay out of his way. Wasn’t really in the mood to get shot either way.”

“Fair enough.” Robin shirked under the attention. Two years with Bruce and Batman and he STILL found it a little weird to receive attention like this. There was just something so inherently different and…wrong about their non-aligning personas interacting.

“BIRD BOY!” Robin flinched and looked at Joker’s hunched form, he was clearly growing impatient once more. “Harley’s driving you back to your ride.” He walked back over to Bruce and grabbed his shirt as he dragged him away. “You’re coming with me,”

“Ah- uh, but,” Robin began to walk after them before Harley snagged his cape.

“You boys ruined my plans for the night and Batman’s not here to play.” Bruce looked over his shoulder and shrugged.

“Don’t worry about me Robin. If I don’t show up tomorrow you know who i’m with.” Reluctantly Robin allowed himself to be pulled away by Harley Quinn.

The ride in her car back was awkward. Luckily they didn’t have to share the ride with any of the other henchmen, they all were pushed into their own van. Instead they sat in silence. Harley didn’t even turn the radio to relieve the tension.

This time Robin was the one unable to stay quiet.

“I don’t get how you can handle him. He’s so… freaky sometimes.”

“Mistah J has his moments.” Harley admitted although she didn’t refrain from keeping the attitude out of her tone. The next breath released that attitude into the air and away. “I’m surprised you can handle the Batman. He seems so grumpy.”

“Batman… has his moments.” there wasn’t much else Robin could say that wouldn’t ruin Harley’s perspective on Batman. It would be better to leave his brooding persona be.

They continued to sit in silence although it was much more calm and less awkward now. Robin fiddled with his gloves.

“You seemed really worried about Mistah Wayne but you shouldn’t be.” Harley sounded legit sad and Robin felt bad as he watched her expression turn softer and sadder. “Mistah Wayne is probably way safer with Mistah J than I am.” Robin bit his cheek.

“Harley, why do you stay with him? He treats you pretty badly, even if you are a criminal, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.” He could see the tears threatening to break free before she grit her teeth and turned it into a sneer.

“I love him and he loves me. Sure he ain’t perfect, but nobody is.”

It was rare, but days like this helped Robin understand why Batman cared so much for so many of his enemies. They needed help, but not all of them were ready or willing to accept that they did actually have a problem. Robin struggled to think of what Batman would say. The rest of the ride held a tentative silence whenever he wasn’t directing Harley to where he parked.

Harley parked next to his bike and Robin paused before he closed the door behind him.

“If you ever need help Harley… you know you can call us.” Harley nodded and swallowed away the tears Robin pretended to not see.

“Thanks, but i’m good.” Robin shut the door and rode home trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest.

Despite Alfred’s pleas to get some rest, Dick sat waiting in the Kitchen, studying and sipping at the calming tea Alfred made for him. Bruce finally walked in through the front door at two in the morning and Alfred, the sneaky bastard, was already there waiting to take his coat and ask after his wellbeing.

Bruce let his butler usher him to the kitchen to whip up some food and tea. Dick spared Bruce a glance but otherwise refused to regard the man until a hand gently rubbed at his shoulder.

“It’s a school night, you should be in bed.” Dick took a sip of his water and slammed his textbook shut. He’d barely been able to understand a single line in it for over an hour now anyway, there was no point in continuing his study session.

“I’m definitely not ready to take on any of Batman’s responsibilities.”

Dick ignored the hysterical laughter as he swiftly left the kitchen and head off to bed. He didn’t want to see the red lipstick and makeup that stained Bruce’s collar.

He just wanted to make sure Bruce was ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are three things I will always believe in without a doubt:
> 
> 1) Guns are Bad  
> 2) The Joker absolutely LOVES Batman and  
> 3) Harley Quinn and Joker is an abusive relationship and should never be looked up to as "relationship goals"
> 
> I wanna do my girls right and I can't tell you how much I edited this chapter just to make sure Barbara and Harley were done well. I spent so much time working on it I simultaneously regret this chapter...and don't regret it.. IDK OK IT'S BEEN 7 HOURS LEAVE ME ALONE.
> 
>  
> 
> *Edit* Also, it occurred to me that I should explain just a little bit about this point in the timeline.
> 
> At this point in time Joker hasn't found Robin to be a particular thorn in his side. So as a sign of respect to Batman he merely plays with Robin instead of shooting him on sight. Also, Joker keeps himself relatively resigned and mellow more as a curtesy to Robin more than anything else. He recognizes that terrorizing Robin won't really earn him any entertainment like it would with irritating Batman and if he pushes Robin too far then Batman might not be so pleasant when he finally makes his return. Plus, Robin was nice enough to let Joker know about his plaything's (Bruce) abduction so Joker is TRYING to be tolerable in return.
> 
> ALSO, Joker and Harley's relationship at this point is still relatively new and therefore is toxic but not quite murderous just yet.


	14. The Hit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman and Robin are in danger and Joker is PISSED. Everyone needs to watch their back now that there's a hit on the Vigilante Duo, how will this be resolved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAAAAHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING PATIENT! To be honest, I had been spending literally all of my free time these past few months working on my personal story and I finally finished it! I rewrote it like 4 times and finally edited the entire thing! It's over 40,500 words long, and I do need to edit it some more, but for now I have a few people looking it over for me because after a while it gets hard to tell whether something is good/bad or needs to be fixed.
> 
> Either way, whilst I take a break from that project, I hope to get a few more chapters in for Jackbox! This was the first climax to the final story and I'm thinking there will be about 5/6 more chapters left to write! Thank you again for your patience and I hope to continue having your support!

Crickets chirped a melody somewhere far out beyond the city’s limits. They sang a sweet tune beckoning the moon to come closer, inch by inch, and light up the night in a way that city lights never could. But no amount of begging could bring the moon out from its hiding place. A slight drizzle bathes Gotham and all her inhabitants tonight like a soft mist too shy to really get out there and earn a name for itself. It provided meager cover, but it was still cover.

Across the rooftops the bat flew.

Hit or no hit, Batman still needed to figure out where exactly the Joker chose to hole up this time. A quick search of Joker’s preferred warehouses proved to be useless and Robin similarly reported the other known hideouts to be barren. Realistically, the Joker would be planting canisters with a release of some sort. That or he’d have his henchmen planting them.

The holes in his knowledge of Joker’s plan became glaringly apparent the longer he went without finding another clue.

Dig through crates, check barrels, dark corners, the rafters - night after night they dug and searched with no success.

It was both a blessing and a curse that the usual troublemakers of Gotham seemed less inclined to commit their typical misconduct. Most tended to refrain from their usual shenanigans and stayed out of the way for those whom decided to go out and commit their typical deeds which was nice unless you were looking to dig for information. Those whom chose to run amok, however, were also the type to try and take Tony Zucco up on his offer.

This meant that they’d be more likely to lash out at Batman. Why fear a monster when you can just kill it and be done with it?

So instead of their usual routine when working together, Batman decided to give Robin a round of practice in stealth in the form of investigating lairs and buildings. So far he proved to be relatively decent at it and even did excellently in this real world practice. Meanwhile, during their research, Batman and Alfred made sure to keep an eye on any criminal activity and send Jim Gordon alerts and information that would enable him to detain criminals with more ease. 

Robin wasn’t too pleased to leave the nightly criminal life in the hands of Jim Gordon and his station. He essentially threw a temper tantrum over it, but until Batman knew they wouldn’t have to worry about excessive violence in the form of straight up murder and money he wasn’t inclined to let Robin get involved. Batman would never say it aloud in hearing range of Robin, but he felt like he wasn’t necessarily ready to handle the big guns just yet and Batman didn’t want to test that theory out just yet.

Since they stopped partaking in apprehending criminals, Gordon already accumulated a nice selection of small time criminals pretending to be victims of a robbery in order to draw the Batman out. The attempt was a little pathetic, but it could have been a lot worse. Thank god no one massively dangerous took an interest in the hit just yet. Batman could only imagine how far someone like Cobblepot or Poison Ivy would go just to draw him out.

One more leap and Batman finally stopped and panted heavily. If he was wearing thicker armor then the trip would have been much more difficult. Robin stepped out of his hiding place, seemed almost relieved to be done with his work for the night, but Batman felt the hair on the back of his neck raise up.

The building’s roof entrance curled around in an L-shape with the entrance being on the opposite side at the bottom of the L. In the corner of the L was where Robin chose to hide since there was a large air and fumigation system with long pipes stretching out across the roof blocking the inside of the corner with pipes and hoods poking into the corner of the entrance as well. This pocket of space would keep them out of sight and if need be, they’d be able to duck down into the hood and piping.

It was a good hiding spot, but the lack of escape routes wasn’t exactly encouraging.

Even when fully covered, he still felt naked up on this rooftop.

“Wherever he’s hiding, I don’t think it’s going to be in this district.” Batman pushed Robin back, blocking him in as he ushered the confused boy down for cover. The rooftop light up and his head felt full from the sound of clanging bullets.

Nestled in the corner, crouching over Robin’s shaking frame, Batman hung his head low and cursed lightly under his breath. Their metal cover sounded off little pings as bullets rattled it. Batman peered only slightly over the edge of the pipes as he looked out, increasing the magnification of the lenses covering his eyes to zoom in on his pursuers waiting on the adjacent rooftops. Each roof surrounding them was either higher up than theirs or the same height which means that making an escape wold prove to be very difficult since their opponents are most likely higher up than them and have a wider angle to take the shot from.

If they wanted to escape, their best shot would be to avoid the roof altogether. He had a tactic he could use to try and escape via the roof but Batman wasn’t sure he could pull a stunt like that without Robin getting hurt. Now wasn’t the time to be reckless. And with the roof access door too far for them to safely reach without a proper opening, that meant that Robin really only had one way to go…

“Robin, scoot over.” he pushed the boy to the side, making sure to still cover him from any possible spray, and pulled out a particular gadget he made a while back for events like this.

It took a few minutes, but now Robin could make his escape and then in a few more Batman would be able to make his. The tool wouldn’t last for long without an external power source attached to it so Batman could only make the hole in the large metal pipe leading into the building big enough for Robin, but that’s ok. Robin escaping unscathed is always priority over his own safety.

Batman reared back a fist and thumped directly in the circle of the pipe a couple times until it popped free. Were it not for the barrage of bangs and clangs ringing through the air he probably would have been able to hear the clang of the metal colliding against the walls as it fell down. Robin’s chest pulsated with quick breaths.

“Go. Secure an escape route, don’t get caught, don’t be reckless.” Robin nodded and inhaled shakily. Before he could go Batman placed a hand on his shoulder. “BREATHE.” Robin nodded once more and started taking slow calm breaths. Adrenaline and fear had a funny way of making people twitchy when they weren’t used to it.

Batman kept a lookout as Robin slipped through the small hole, had he been any larger and older he might have needed a bigger one. Thank god for fourteen year olds I guess?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

None of them knew why they were called in so suddenly. Ace, King, Jack, Eleven. One mass text with a set of smiley faces and weird emojis was all they received, such a thing wasn’t unordinary but the meeting was spontaneous and unplanned which could only mean one thing.

The Joker was in QUITE a mood.

Now they could ponder the reasons for this mood but realistically anything could have set the clown off and trying to understand the reason for his behavior always proved to be more stressful than its worth. No, it’d be much better to just stand there at attention and wait for him to speak his mind. At least, that’s what they tell themselves.

And they won’t say a word. Worn’t speak up. Ace, King, Jack, Eleven - they have all seen quite enough action with the Joker to know better than to question him when he’s in a mood like this.

Finger however… Poor bastard was only a month into the job.

“Um, excuse me sir-” BANG!

“You’re excused.” None of them flinched as Eleven’s newest assistant hit the floor dead. Blood sprayed onto the others whom were standing beside them but they refrained from wiping away the blood in a panicked state. They only flinched. Nothing more.

Tap Tap Rat-A-Tat

Joker’s heavy sigh came out more like a growl. He leveled an eye on each member standing in the room. Each of his second-hands and their assistants stood patiently waiting their orders.

Rat-A-Tap Tap

Ace and his beloved Deuce, ferociously delusional in her salvation but not so blind as to not see the danger she was in right now. King and Peter the ill. The kid was always wearing a mask supposedly to keep himself from catching a cold, but in actuality to help hide his panicked expressions and impish smiles. Jack and Candela, ferocious a pair with anger to spare but their fire could never lick a man like Joker. And lastly, Eleven. Like a precious baby still so unsure of his place in the world, especially now that he’s lost a Finger.

“I’m sure…” Joker let out in a loose drawl. “That you already know about the hit on Batman,” Joker hissed to emphasize his displeasure. “And I’m sure… that at LEAST one of you… were considering it.” No one mentioned that the hit was also on Robin. Of course Joker knows Robin’s also in danger, but to be quite frank, he doesn’t give a Shit about the little birdie.

Tap…Tap…Tap… Joker watched their bodies intently. Eye movements. Flinches. Signs of sweaty and clammy skin. Any sign of weakness to exploit. Any target to tear his teeth into like a starving rabid bear.

“So,” Joker leaned back in his chair. Tonight was not the night to be playing around like this. No. Unfortunately time was of the essence and he had a much BIGGER game to play. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you of how,” he leveled a glare at each and every one of them. The gun never left his hand, finger never left the trigger. “DISPLEASED I am by this turn of events. But,” tap “But,” Tap “BUT,” TAP “This is a problem we can easily fix.” The Joker watched them flinch each time he tapped the butt of the gun on the table, pointing it at someone each time.

Whether he intended his small smile to be an endearing calm one or a wretched leer- well it might be safer to assume it was the latter. The Joker waited a minute before growling.

“AREN’T you going to ask me how?” Eleven jerked in fright as did Peter the ill. Candela Ace and King kept a straight face. Deuce and Jack seemed a little worried, but otherwise kept their facade well. Joker slowly drew to a stand. “Come on Petey-boy.” Peter the ill seemed to shrink into himself. The mask couldn’t hide it from Joker as well as he thought it would, no, the twist of his lips couldn’t hide the FEAR.

“How, sir, are you going to fix this?” Joker pinned him with a grin and everyone else in the room took a step away from him.

“Well, Petey my boy.” Joker walked around the desk. “It’s so simple, it’s stupid. REALLY.” he wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulder and walked him over to the dirt laden window of his warehouse office. Webs and muck coated the window and its panes, not that there was much to see here, but Joker gestured to the outside world as if enacting a vision for Peter to see. “See, FIRST,” Joker unwrapped his arm from Peter’s shoulder. The poor stupid man watched the reflection as Joked pulled up his gun and pointed it at his head, coming around to whisper into the opposite side’s ear. “I kill anyone who even THINKS about trying to kill Batman to collect that cash.”

BANG

Blood coated the window as another body fell. This time, everyone flinched back, but they knew better than to think that this was an undeserved ruthless murder. No, Joker probably knew something about Peter that none of them knew. That’s usually how it went after all. Joker turned a full on frown onto the rest of them.

“Do I make myself clear?” they all nodded. A bright relieved smile lit up Joker’s face. “Good!” Joker went to sit back down at his seat and placed his gun onto the table. They all relaxed in the knowledge that this meant he had no intention of shooting anyone else tonight… At least… not to make an example out of them. “Now. We also need to find out where the Zuke’s hiding. Jack, Candela, I believe some of his cronies have been peeping their head in again at Cobblepot’s little shack.” they assumed he meant the Iceberg Lounge. “Go give them our patented Joker greeting and see if they won’t be so kind as to lend us a hand on finding the bastard.”

“Yes, sir.” Jack and Candela chorused. “King, Eleven. I’m tired of seeing these little scrubby gift-shop boys you’ve been picking up. You’re beginning to disappoint me,” and the threat went unsaid. “Comb through the ranks and make sure we don’t have another useless lout in our midst. I don’t need another wildcard in my pack.” they nodded.

“Yes SIR.” Joker leveled his gaze onto Ace and Deuce. “And as for you two…”

 

 

 

 

Batman counted down the number of shooters and sent off one homing battarang. Luckily, three of them were stupid enough to be standing in close proximity of each other on another rooftop. This battarang shot out a series of wires and sent out a strong electric shock which subsequently subdued those targets. Hopefully they’ll be out for a few hours AT LEAST.

Suddenly another lone shooter disappeared. Robin must have gotten to him.

Batman peered out from his hiding place. A few shooters had gone missing in the past few minutes. Are they waiting or - 

KATTA KATTA KATTA TING TANG

“FUCK!” Batman hissed and pulled back, tripping over his feet and landing flat onto his back. He rolled himself low and far underneath the metal structure.

Above him the bullets kept zipping by and ricocheting. Batman tried to cover his neck and head despite the minimal space, struggling to hit the call button as well as he could. It didn’t even have a chance to ring before Alfred and Robin both picked up.

“What happened?” Robin spoked in a hushed panicky tone. Batman couldn’t tell if Robin was near any shooters there or not but suddenly it went quiet on both ends if only long enough for the shooters to re-load.

“Alfred, what’s the eta on that support?” Batman tried to not wheeze. He made a mental note to work on adjusting the vest to be more bulletproof instead of flexible. He had Robin now, Robin could handle all smaller jobs better than he can at this size.

“You still have fifteen minutes before they arrive but I can’t guarantee that they’ll be quick to subdue your attackers.” Batman refrained from cursing. He felt the sticky blood sticking to his suit. Batman took this moment of silence to move up and peer out whilst relieving the pressure on his chest.

“Robin, where are you?”

From what he could tell, another set had been taken down, the set that just shot him. If he got up now he might be able to circumvent the last set if they hadn’t already moved to a new position. Batman searched and found the last set hiding out on the closest building to his right. If he went left he could scale down the other side and pick up Robin so long as no one else was waiting for them on the streets.

Batman listened as another pang of bullets went off on Robin’s end.

“Don’t worry about taking out the last set, so long as we stay out of sight we’ll be fine.” a soft whine came from the other end. “Robin?” worry began to set in. Batman’s chest ACHED but he couldn’t pay attention to his newest bullet wound. It wasn’t anywhere fatal, it was just painful. He would live. But Robin was in massive danger. “Robin,”

“There’s someone else down here.” Robin finally whispered. Down? “She’s wearing clown makeup. She shot them.”

Clown makeup? Nearly every gang member that walked around Gotham nowadays wearing clown makeup were apart of Joker’s gang.

Batman hissed as he studied the surrounding rooftops whilst keeping to the shadows.

“Where are you?” Robin may be fast, but not fast enough to remove three sets on three different rooftops.

“Beneath you.” Robin whispered. Batman tensed and turned to look at the last building where his final target possibly waited.

Robin never even got out of the building.

Their car had been left in a nondescript alley a few blocks away. Batman could easily maneuver himself there inflicting as little damage as possible to himself, but the appearance of an unknown entity threw the entire operation through a loop. Especially for Robin.

But tonight they were ambushed and that means that the car might be dangerous as well. Batman hissed through his teeth as he pulled a special weapon from his belt.

“Alfred, I need you to check out the Bat-mobile. See if anyone’s got their eye on it or touched it since we left. Robin, I have no idea whether they’re with us or not. It'd be best to not engage. I want you to sneak out and meet me at location S, I’ll set up a distraction.”

“I’d recommend throwing it east.” Alfred suggested before going quiet.

“On it,” he could barely hear Robin’s response. Batman pulled the pin and chucked it as hard as he could due east. He counted to five before,

BANG! BANG! Pipipipip! BWOOM!

Sparks of light and a volley of tiny rubber balls splattered the concrete below. Something must have exploded from the noisy bomb and glass shattered. Batman kept low and took his leap, cape flaring out with a flick of his hand and off he went.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hehehe they’re so fucking done, I can’t believe how easy this is.” Robin froze and held tight to the metal ledge. Quickly he pulled himself back up and hovered in the rafters, glaring down at the group of men lazily climbing the stairs.

Late-thirties seemed to be the leader of the small group. The kind of man who was all dirty smiles and selfish pleasure, quick to lash out at those he perceived beneath him. Everyone was beneath him.

SMACK!

“Ow!”

“Quiet!” Thirties hissed. “You can’t under-estimate him just cause we got him cornered like a rat!”

“Awww,”

Sixteen seemed to still be quite wet behind the ears. However he managed to end up in a gang like this was far beyond Robin’s understanding. Perhaps he thought it would be fun? His attitude toward this whole situation seemed to imply that.

“You’re no fun.” the boy grumbled. Robin felt no sympathy. Now was not the time for such things.

The last person was extremely androgynous. They spoke no words and seemed to have nothing going on in their head. Instead, they kept their head down and eyes peeled as if they were expecting their targets to be hiding beneath their feet. Suddenly their head jerked up and stared at the rafters. Robin nearly flipped out, thinking that he had been spotted, but Quiet kept to themselves and said nothing. Maybe they saw nothing. Maybe maybe maybe.

Maybe is useless.

The warehouse they met up on top of was presumably abandoned two years ago and evidently still was. Broken metal and boxes, overgrown shrubbery and weeds and vines already began to overtake the machines. Such a layout was nothing more than a complicated maze of tetanus at this point and whilst their advancement to the stairwell and up had been slow, they really didn’t have too far to go before they could reach the roof.

If Robin wasn’t small enough to fit into that hole then they would never have known of their surprise guests.

Each of them held a gun at the ready but only Quiet held the tommy-gun. No matter what, their path was simply too far for Robin to come in flying at them without chancing a bullet wound or two. But if he disabled their route,set some traps, he could find a better method to take them all out.

Robin followed the metal ledge and swung over to the series of pipes above the stairwell. He pulled out two detonators and stuck one at a vital point within the system, throwing the other down to stick at the top of the stairs. Without making a sound he retreated back as far as he could manage and pressed the button.

Metal creaked and cracked with the explosion. The small crew were only a few feet from the bottom the the stairwell as it suddenly collapsed and momentarily Robin was thankful for the leaky roof and shoddy windows. Since there was no electricity or lights in the warehouse the cluttered space was light up by only outside lamps and shoddy flashlights from the crew. Hopefully, the crew really wouldn’t have noticed that there wasn’t actually a cave in from the barrage on the rooftop, only sabotage.

Whilst they were distracted by the noise, Robin dropped down onto the first floor and set up the first trap. He stabbed a thin metal pole into the side of an old machine, wedging it between old rusted gears under the cover of the blast. Next he prowled up the path they took to reach the stairs and set up the trip wire. Robin backed up a few steps as they began to argue and tossed a large brick, hitting Sixteen in the head. Robin only waited long enough for one flashlight to land on him before he booked it through the mess.

“HEY!” Thirties shouted. A flurry of bullets rattled the walls but Robin had already taken the sharp corner and crawled under the table set. He could hear the grunts as he jumped back over another set of machines, barely making a sound. Not that it would have mattered since their bullets and shouts echoed throughout the room.

Suddenly the beep telling Robin Batman was calling went off and he clicked on his earpiece without a second thought.

TWUNG!

Someone ran into the pole.

“What happened?” Robin could hear Batman’s pained breath on the other end. Something must have happened.

Robin listened to Batman’s words as he ducked between a wall of stone and a wall of metal but another sound froze his movements. The side door that Sixteen was facing after running into the pole slammed open with a kick. Thirties, with a bloody nose and no flashlight, turned on the sudden intruder framed in shadow as their back was to a light. Robin couldn’t see the gun in the newcomer’s hand but he could almost feel the reverberation of the shot as Thirties gurgled and fell to the floor dead. Robin saw the spray of blood in the specs of light that managed to penetrate the wide crummy room and for a moment it was like he lost himself.

“W-what the fuck man?” Sixteen stumbled to his feet and held up the gun. He tried to shoot the newcomer but slipped and nearly missed being shot himself. He fell back, tripping over the pole, and rounded the corner. “Shit! Shit shit SHIT!” Robin blinked in surprise. Suddenly zoning back in and realizing the advanced shitty situation he now faced.

Thirties is dead.

BANG!

“Blaugh!” presumably so is Sixteen.

This was bad. Robin could make a break for it out that door right now but then he’d be leaving Batman behind to possibly face this person alone. Since Batman’s currently pinned, if this newcomer managed to get up to the roof it might be bad news for Bats. However, if Robin alerted Batman to this threat he might be ok.

Robin watched the new figure as best as he could as they lurked in the darkness, hunting their prey. But who was the prey?

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the third crew member rear up in front of the door, illuminated by the light. Robin realized that they must have been close to him, knew where he went, because they came from the path Robin himself had taken in order to hide in the garbage.

Robin could practically taste the blood as a metallic scent wafted through the musky air. Robin continued forward from his location between the metal and the wall and found himself at a dead end. He crouched and grasped at his head as he listened to the clicking of footsteps and struggled to keep himself from gasping for breath. From making a sound loud enough for either enemy in the room to hear.

“Robin?” he realized this was the second time now that Batman called for him.

He stood back up and saw Quiet’s flashlight land on her face as they let out a volley of bullets at her. Robin flinched and went right back down. One solid gun-shot subdued the tommy-gun. Robin looked again and saw the woman stand once more.

“There’s someone else down here.” Robin finally whispered. “She’s wearing clown makeup. She shot them.” Robin didn’t know if Batman could hear the terror in his voice. Robin prayed that he couldn’t- wouldn’t notice it just yet.

This wasn’t his first mission. Why was he acting this way?

He listened to the quiet footsteps tread over to the stairwell before stopping. The rain picked up and the sound echoed through the warehouse, leeching a wet oily smell into the stench of fresh spilled blood and metal. This small enclosed space began to shrink in on Robin. He has to get out of here. If only to regroup.

“Where are you?” Batman finally asked.

“Beneath you,” Robin inspected the figure as he squeezed back through the opening, crawling down in the shadows beneath where the light from the lamps outside could reach him.

Some of the windows were already broken. Robin could easily just smash one open and get out that way but then he’d alert the woman to his presence. Although, if that’s the case then she might be inclined to follow Robin and he could draw her away from Batman but if he took her with him then he risks having more than one person going after him all at once.

Fuck. Is this what it’s like to be Batman?

Robin watched her from behind a pile of rubble as she checked the dead crew’s pockets. She squared up at a window with a hole in the bottom corner and peered out while raising a hand to press at something in her ear. Robin inspected the painted heart on her pale blue cheek before he began to feel around the ground and carefully plant each step to ensure that he didn’t accidentally knock anything over. Step by step.

This is such bullshit. He’s asking for a bullet proof suit for christmas.

Suddenly she sent out a couple shots before ducking for cover. Through the doorway Robin saw the body lying across the street.

“Alfred, I need you to check out the Bat-mobile. See if anyone’s got their eye on it or touched it since we left. Robin, I have no idea whether they’re with us or not. It'd be best to not engage. I want you to sneak out and meet me at location S, I’ll set up a distraction.”

“I’d recommend throwing it east.” Alfred suggested before going quiet.

Well this meant that Batman had enough freedom to flee the rooftop at least which meant that Robin didn’t need to subdue to clown woman anymore. But now he was too far from a window. The east side had the most openings, the north had the open door, the west had the woman, and the south was a full wall. He might have to wait a while and watch where she went before he could make his escape. That or climb back up and go via the roof.

Fuck these options though, Robin’s about to make demands for some sci-fi miracle tech on top of the bullet-proof suit.

“On it,” Whatever. He’d figure it out. He always did.

BANG! BANG! Pipipipip! BWOOM!

The woman barely flinched however she did drop down for cover. Robin began to vault and leap over the numerous piles of nonsense and metal he’s grown to hate. His eyes zeroed in on the best window on the west end, threw the rock in his hand to break it open further as the bomb popped off noisily. The muscles in his body tensed before suddenly.

FWOMP! he slipped and landed on something warm.

His head stung and on his elbow he felt the sticky liquid as it dribbled freely from his sleeve. Robin stumbled to his feet and paused when a click went off next to his ear. He turned and faced the woman and she stared back passively. The two and heart really stuck out on her blue cheeks but they couldn’t detract from the cold look in her eyes.

“You should really be more aware of your surroundings, kid.”

A small smile should have been nice. But right now Robin simply thought it meant that he was FUCKED.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Crickets chirped a melody although the rain washed their song away. The night’s heavy rain bathed away their cries and as the night grew older, the intensity only grew. If Batman bothered to give it any thought, he might consider that the rain was trying to reflect his mood. No, not sorrow and loss. That’s cliche. No. He would consider how the heavy rain battering the world outside turned the dark cold room underground into a leaky repetitive nightmare reflecting the passage of time and the growing intensity of his anxiety and worry.

But Batman doesn’t get anxious. He isn’t anything but stoic and stern.

He tapped away at his gauntlet, switching between cameras Alfred linked him up to, inspecting the bloody travesty that was the night.

Batman suspected they had an ally on their side before, but now there was no doubt. Typically this should be considered a “bright side” of a situation. But anything Joker typically brought fourth worse things. Body count, gore, and worse still - no trail.

Someone sniped his snipers. They annihilated the ambushers waiting around his car. Now Batman knew at least one of Joker’s people was in the warehouse but he couldn’t believe the sniper was also one of Joker’s men. Not without proof. And even with proof were they here to help Batman or simply take out the competition?

Frustration threatened to eat away at him. Batman settled for calling Robin instead.

“Robin, where are you?” now, naturally Batman didn’t expect Robin to already be at this hideout just yet. Batman chose a difficult one specifically for the increased security they’d have in it.

“I’m… Ok this is going to sound really weird.” Robin wasn’t whispering which meant he was no longer needing to full on hide his presence. Either he was in a safe enough place or he was being careless.

“Go on.”

“So, you know how Joker’s like crazily obsessed with you? Well apparently he sent a couple of people over to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed while he took out Tony Zucco.”

If Batman’s stern frown could grow, it would have.

“If he kills Tony Zucco he’ll create a power vacuum that could turn into a full on civil war in Gotham.”

“Exactly.” He rubbed his chin and let out an aggravated sigh.

“I assume he’s planning on finishing the job tonight.” Robin was quiet on the other end for only a moment. Was he with the henchmen Joker sent over?

“Most likely. Miss Deuce says that they have a member apart of Joker’s party prepared to send us a message as soon as they know where Zucco is.”

That was…odd. From what Batman experienced with the Joker, he primarily surrounded himself with “cannon fodder” on missions that were developed to entice the Batman and rough up the police. Those were the type of men to bend to his every whim and never question what would happen to them in the process of the mission. When Joker was enacting an operation that he needed to succeed in order to support a future operation, he utilized more low-key stable people capable of doing what they needed in order to complete the mission successfully. He also had a faction meant to maintain Joker’s territories and protect his goods as well as the various hideouts Joker himself used.

Batman never before heard of them questioning Joker and leaking information about him that wasn’t typically meant to cause chaos on purpose. Unless the Joker WANTED Batman to catch him and try to stop him tonight, but Joker is possessive and Tony Zucco putting a hit on Batman possibly sparked a rage in Joker that needed revenge. Drawing in Batman would essentially complicate or ruin this serious issue of revenge.

Most likely these henchmen sent to protect Batman are also acting under Joker’s whims so Batman needn’t worry about it being a trap. Anyone outright rebelling against Joker by killing “his” Batman would have to worry about a fate far worse than death. Either way, Batman couldn’t just leave Robin with them.

“I doubt he’s staying anywhere in the city currently. Zucco isn’t the kind to sit around and watch a hit happen. He’d most likely take a few steps back and watch from far away.” Batman began flipping through the cameras inspecting the halls and streets around his current hideout and then the ones inspecting where he left the batmobile. One lone man perched on the hood with a case at his feet. Batman could barely see the heart and ‘A’ on the man’s cheeks from this angle.

“That’s what Miss Deuce said. Do you think he could be hiding out in his mansion? It’s just far enough away without being totally removed. Plus he just got back from vacation a few weeks ago so I doubt he’d be running away to another island so soon unless he had another operation going on.”

“Which he doesn’t.” Batman nodded and began to make his way out of the room. Although the rain let up significantly in the past ten minutes, water still dribbled through the cracks of the sewer walls. “Robin, ask Deuce if the man sitting at my car is with her.”

“She says that’s Ace.” Batman climbed up into the abandoned building and crept out of the dark basement, inspecting his route before continuing up to the roof and continued his path to his car just a few blocks over.

“Where are you? I’m coming to pick you up.” he heard Robin mumbling and let out a sigh.

“Miss Deuce insisted that we refrain from taking the batmobile. Neither of them are bomb experts and have no idea if it was rigged just yet and their experts wont be there for a few hours.” Batman bit his cheek.

“I’ve had more than enough experience.” It sounded like someone was fumbling with the earpiece on the other side. Suddenly he heard a different voice.

“Your car isn’t as ‘low key’ as you think it is. Using it right now basically puts a target on you. My car is more than suitable to get us where we need to go. We’re almost at your location anyway so you may as well jump in with us.” Batman peered over the ledge down at Ace and his car. The man appeared so unconcerned with his surrounding but Batman could tell he was more than aware than he let on.

“Why should I trust you?” he growled out.

Sure, having an inside man would be extremely helpful. They might even know about Joker’s future operation that he’s been planning for months now and maybe he could get some information out of them about it. Maybe tonight could be the end of this all.

Stop Zucco, bag the Joker, get Robin home in time for breakfast.

Maybe that was a little too optimistic.

“Because I have your little bird and a gun.” He could barely hear Robin shout in indignation. He grit his teeth. “Joker only cares that you stay alive. He never said anything about the boy. As a matter of fact, he might be ecstatic that we got rid of the bird for him.”

An old beat-up looking Toyota with dark windows rolled up into the alley. Ace picked up his bag and strolled over casually, tossing his case into the trunk and then hopping into the front seat. Batman hated the smirk on the man’s face.

“Are you coming, or do I need to get violent?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When you’re paranoid it doesn’t matter how far you run or hide. It doesn’t matter if all of the windows and doors are locked, it doesn’t matter if you’re nestled comfortably in a city, high up in a tower, or deep into the cranny of a mountain range beyond the suburbs.

In your mind you know it’s only a matter of time. You close the blinds before it gets too dark because you’re afraid that you’ll look outside and see someone standing out in the shadows watching you. Waiting outside your window or door for you to notice them. The creak of wood are ghastly footsteps stalking you. You count each noise as if they’re a count down timer to your demise.

Everyone has their own little tricks; things they do to make themselves feel better, safer. As if being prepared will keep the monsters at bay, far away and unable to strangle you in your sleep. Demons don’t crawl all over your walls in the dark and leer in your face when you close your eyes and hide under the blankets.

Example: Tony Zucco knows that by putting a hit out on Batman, he’s essentially put a target on his back. He knows that no matter how far he runs a painted face maniac with a knife will be lurking, waiting to take revenge. Maybe he’ll play chase, maybe he’ll be waiting.

But Batman is far more worrying.

The Batman has already put at least a third of Zucco’s men behind bars. The Batman has ruined countless operations. Crippled Zucco’s mobility in the government and destroyed other groups meanwhile Joker’s forces grow stronger each month.

Sure, Joker will be breathing down his neck with teeth bared for the kill; but Batman would break Zucco’s legs and leave him behind for the hyenas to tear apart and eat.

So what does Zucco do? He points a gun at Batman, waits for someone else to pull the trigger, and while he’s waiting he makes a quiet retreat to a more secure location.

This will hopefully buy him some time.

He stations his men all around the grounds, watching the roads that lead to his neighbors and himself since they’re all in their little mountain community. He sets alarms and sensors and has someone watching the cameras. He keeps his gun loaded right next to him as he sits in his study to review the memos and reports and other important documents.

It’s already been a few days. Just a few more and the Batman will be no more. Whichever idiot killed him will get money but he’ll also draw the Joker’s ire, become the new target. And Zucco will get off scot free.

But until that happens he needs to hide from Joker. There’s no doubt that the clown knows about the hit, no doubt that he’ll come to kill Zucco if he doesn’t have someone else to take his rage out onto.

Just a few more days.

His intercom buzzes and he answers.

“Boss, Hush is driving home right now. He just turned onto the main road.”

Tony Zucco really wanted to roll his eyes. The big lush recently bought a huge truck like he was trying to overcompensate for something with a big show of money. Typically this wouldn’t be worrisome but his new truck essentially looked like a tank and that’s always cause for concern because who buys something like THAT without having a reason for it?

“He’s not a priority, but keep checking on him just in case.”

A few hours passed and Zucco finally lets out a heavy sigh. He stretches and finally stands up and grabs the gun as he pushes the seat back into its spot partially under the desk. He pressed the button on the intercom and waited a moment before speaking.

“I’m heading off to bed. Let me know if anything changes.” it took an extra moment before he heard the raspy response.

“Will do boss.” Hm, Glose must have been smoking again.

Tony Zucco finally left to the kitchen to grab a cup of water before bed. He took his sweet time enjoying the cool water, gun in hand the entire time.

Paranoid people will sometimes do things that might help them feel better, like they’re actually safe, but Tony Zucco knows better. He keeps the gun with him at all times because he knows it’s only a matter of time. He set the glass down and turns to face the pale nightmare leaning on the kitchen island, watching almost like a calm cat casually hunting its prey. Eyeing him with a malicious lazy grin.

“Hello…. Zucco. I think it’s about time we had a little….CHAT.”

Tony leaned back as if to relax against the counter, reaching his free hand down to lean on and pressing the button beneath the lip of the counter with his index finger.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Sooooo Zucco,” Tony looked straight ahead and kept a straight face. A bruise was already forming on his cheek, his hair already in disarray from his typical slicked back look, and his body was already a little sore.

There he sat in one of the kitchen’s armchairs with a wrist bound to each side. His legs, similarly, were tied to the less of the chair and a rope trailing under his arms but over his chest kept him from leaning too far forward in his seat. Joker took a stool and settled down right in front of Tony.

“I haaaate it when we fight. Just HATE it. Why won’t you tell me what you’re so mad about, huh?” Although he held it down low to his thigh, the expensive chef knife glinted in the bright lighting of the library in a threatening manner. He twisted it around as if he were simply playing with it mindlessly. Tony knew what it was for though.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Tony wasn’t about to play one of Joker’s games. Joker tilted his head to the other sigh as if propelled by a sad sigh and impish grin.

“Ohhhh come on now dear. You know I can’t read your mind.” Joker swayed as he stood and lightly drew his hand across Tony’s suit jacket. “Say, this is a pretty nice jacket. How much did you shell out for this? A thousand?” Tony slightly flinched as the knife pierced through his coat and dug into his forearm and pulled down to cut a long strip in both his clothes and his skin. “Two thousand?” Joker gasped. “Oh dear! Look at that!” he poked a gloved finger into the cut and dug around. Tony grit his teeth but refrained from making a sound. “This suit is torn! Tsk, what a shame! You should probably return it!” Joker wiped his finger off on a clean segment of Tony’s suit and continued to slowly step around the chair.

The blade of the knife tickled as it was lightly dragged around, occasionally digging in harder to break some skin. On the spot just beneath the back of his neck Joker dug in especially hard and slowly released the pressure as he continued the cut sideways.

“I just don’t get it now Zucs. You do what you do, I do what I do, and yet here you are trying to take what’s rightfully mine.” The innocent tone Joker spoke with sounded childish. He leaned down towards Tony’s ear. “I don’t think you understand just how upset you’ve made me. Are you angry with me? Are you positively MAD?” Joker slapped the back of Tony’s head. His teeth clacked as his head suddenly went reeling and cried out when Joker dragged the knife around his side as if he were painting a picture.

Suddenly the knife disappeared. Joker sat back down on the stool and petted at one of Tony Zucco’s hand, holding up the fingers as if they were his treasure. The bloody knife rested on his lap.

“Tell me Zucs.” his thumb and forefinger gently grabbed onto the pinky and held it up tightly as his other hand reached back down to grab the knife. “Fingers are so easy to mess with? How do you like to break yours?” Joker spared Tony a look. Tony simply glared back at the clown with a deep set frown, however, Joker didn’t let that bother him.

The butt of the knife punched up and Tony let out a gurgled restrained scream. Joker giggled in delight and leaned in, resting his hands on top of the armchair and leaned into Zucco’s face.

“Don’t hold back on me, dear. After all, this is what you owe me.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony Zucco breathed heavily, panting. Winces and flinches were the norm now sure - he had plenty of experience with torture but every man has his limits and he can only hide so much. Joker seemed to finally bore of the torture and sat staring Tony down with an unimpressed look on his face, languidly tapping the knife on his cheek as he watched his victim. Flecks of blood dotted his messy runny paint. The rain from earlier on in the night must have made it runny and the paint now stained Joker’s suit and shirt collar.

He didn’t seem to mind the mess one bit.

“You really don’t care huh?” Joker almost sounded sad. Like this entire session was about more than taking his anger out on Zucco before killing him off. He hung his head and messed with his hair, leaving some blood to stain the strands, before standing up with a flourish. “Ah well, I wish I could say this was fun, but you’re just so boring.”

Joker flipped the knife around a couple of times. He caught it and leaned over Tony once more, arm raised up to stab him in the neck. Neither of them flinched as the door to the dining room lurched open and a battarang came diving in and smacked the knife out of Joker’s hand.

“Joker!” Batman bellowed from the doorway, stalking in right after. Joker pouted and rested one hand on the side of his hip, the other on Tony’s shoulder.

“Well hello dear! Did you come to have some fun too?” he flicked Tony’s cheek. “He’s not much fun, i’m afraid. But if you’d like, I’ll let you kill him yourself! It’s only fitting after all.” Batman growled.

“I’m here to stop you.”

Joker pouted. Batman took a couple more measured steps into the dining room, wearily keeping an eye on Joker the entire time. Just outside the doorway, Joker could see Ace hovering wearily, watching from a relatively safe distance whilst still within visual range as if to announce his presence while staying out of the action. Deuce and the little Robin were nowhere to be seen and Joker HOPED beyond hope that perhaps the kid was dead but knowing his track record he most likely was sneaking around with the bitch somewhere. Perhaps they were going to sneak up behind Joker and remove Zucco when he wasn’t looking.

Joker pulled the gun from his breast pocket and let out a shot somewhere behind himself without looking.

“AUGH!” Out of the corner of his eye he saw the mess of hair dip down as they dodged, however, Joker shot more as a warning and didn’t physically shoot either of them. Can’t say much about the ricochet though.

Same goes for Batman’s fist.

Joker stumbled away from Tony Zucco and spat the blood that built up in his mouth onto the floor. He leered at Batman whom pushed Zucco’s chair down and shoved it with a mean kick to the side, letting it slide against the wall closer to Ace. Behind Joker he could hear the shuddering breath and mellow whines. Deuce soft but panicked whispers consoling and gathering the boy as she gathered him.

Oh poor bird-brain hadn’t experienced getting shot before, what a shame.

“GET HIM OUT OF HERE.” and - oh! Oh yes.

It seems like Joker FINALLY struck a chord. Joker raised his weapon once more, pointing blindly behind him with a mean grin as Batman charged once more. Joker ducked down and rolled with the kick that knocked him off his feet.

“I just don’t GET IT Bats!” Joker rolled and kicked up at Batman before jumping back to his feet and swinging his gun to the side to knock him in the head. “This BASTARD wants you DEAD! He wasn’t to ruin our FUN! And you’re here to SAVE HIM?”

“He’s going to jail to pay for his crimes! Killing him isn’t the answer!” Joker let out an angry laugh, a mean guffaw with bared teeth and budding anger.

“You SERIOUSLY THINK THAT SENDING HIM TO JAIL,” Joker parried Batman’s punch and elbowed him in the center of his chest. Batman reeled back and coughed. “Is going to CHANGE ANYTHING!?”

“Killing him won’t fix the damage he’s done either!” Joker pounced. Batman knocked the gun from his hand, another shot went off as it collided with the floor and skittered away. Joker began to wail as they tumbled to the ground.

“AT LEAST HE WONT BE ALIVE!! That’s a WHOLE LOT BETTER DONT’CHA THINK!?” Batman flipped Joker over and held him down by the chest as he beat down onto Joker’s face.

“I WON’T LET YOU KILL HIM!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony Zucco kept a quiet as he could so as to not draw any attention to himself. The other man in clown makeup kept low as he cut away the ropes which bound Tony to the chair and then practically dragged Tony out of the room. Across the room the woman picked up the shaking boy and carried him out before Joker could let out another blind shot. Neither of them looked good, they looked as though they had been in quite a few rough fights in the past thirty minutes. Possibly from taking out any guards still on patrol - Zucco’s and Jokers.

Tony flinched behind the doorway as the stray shot went off. Ace tugged at Zucco as he helped him stand, but Zucco continued to watch from the doorway in horror as the two monsters continued to trade blows. Screaming and growling their rage at one another in what Zucco only now realized was a show of possessive tendencies and fear.

Only a great leader can understand and accept when they’ve made a terrible mistake and learn from it.

All along Tony worried about Batman ruining his operations, making him weak to Joker’s attacks. But if Tony were to remove one person from the equation then no one else would play the distraction to the other. Tony needs Batman to keep Joker distracted just like he needs Joker to keep Batman distracted. Batman cares about maintaining peace and minimizing the destruction of chaos whilst Joker wants to cause as much damage and corruption as possible. In order to continue his operations in Gotham, as loathe as he is to admit it…

Tony Zucco can’t just kill off Batman and Robin.

He sighed heavily and turned away from the bloody scene.

“Lets get out of here. The sooner I can call off the hit, the better.” the man in clown makeup nodded.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Batman stumbled as he quickly worked to disassemble the gun. This is the third time that Joker’s tried to make a grab for it and Batman was done with their mad scramble to beat the shit out of each other. They were getting nowhere with this.

“Give it up already, Joker. I’m taking you in.” Joker tiredly watched as Batman threw down pieces of his weapon. The anger he felt seemed to finally ebb away into disappointment.

“But we still have our special date, darling.” he spat the ‘darling’ with flecks of blood spraying out. “You’ll just have to be patient.” Batman grit his teeth and growled.

“No. Tonight was the last straw, Joker. I can’t just let you destroy the city.” Joker let out a guffaw.

“LET ME? That’s kinda the plan babe, it’s no fun if you just LET ME do whatever I want!” he waved his hands out to the side. “But tonight could have been SUUUuuucchhhh a Disaster! You almost DIED.”

“I was fine,” before he could continue to argue, Joker cut him off.

“YOU WERE SHOT! YOU THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE IT?” Batman reeled.

He didn’t even notice how Joker avoided hitting him directly over his bullet wound. Instead, he aimed all of his body blows at least five inches away from it. It would have been more effective to hit that spot than to avoid it if he were truly trying to subdue Batman.

Dangerously so.

“If I didn’t come to have a little chat with Zucco, do you think there was literally anything that could have changed his mind? Anything that would have stopped this silly little idea of his!?” Joker continued on, the anger once more making an appearance. A dry, nearly hysterical laugh chocked Joker for a moment. “How are you This Oblivious!? How is it you go running around foiling ‘the big baddies’ plans and yet you understand SO LITTLE?”

Joker rubbed at his forehead, smearing the blood of his gloves and makeup on his face. The expression on his face looked almost a little lost, a little regretful, a little mournful.

“This is ridiculous.”

Batman refrained from speaking, Joker’s words stung more than bruises already forming on his body. He almost felt embarrassed. In most heroic movies when a villain monologues about a hero’s supposed naivety it’s because they both have such different world views or the villain knows something the hero doesn’t. But right here, right now, this rant was more about Batman not being careful rather than being on the wrong side, it was about Batman being unprepared and outnumbered and completely ignorant over his own safety when it comes to the criminal world.

And he was right.

“I think we’re done for now.” Joker reached into his coat pocket. “How about we just call it a night, huh, Bats? Batman began to reach for one of his weapons but froze when he saw Joker already had the cap open and a finger on the trigger. “But thank you for tonight,” Joker hissed with a small malicious smile. “It was quite a blast.”

Batman turned and ran out the back door of the dining room. He heard the click and laughter follow after him as he took the pre-appointed exit out the back of the mansion as he and Robin previously planned. Laughter stuck itself into his ears even as the explosions began to go off at random all around the house. The floor shook and the cackling rose, swimming through his head, as he nearly dove through the side-door leading into the backyard. Crashes and booms filled the clear night sky as he rolled down the hill and stumbled back to his feet, making his way to the humming truck Ace stole for their get-away.

Batman slammed against the side of the truck as the energy temporarily flew from his body. He stayed there for a moment, breathing heavily, as Ace came out to check on him. The backseat door opened and Robin staggered out of the truck despite Deuce’s protest. Bandages already covered the small hole in his side.

Despite the mask, it was clear that he had been crying and Batman tenderly crouched down so that he could face Robin properly as the boy fell into a hug.

It’s almost alarming how unprepared they were for this.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bruce Wayne took his time walking down the stairs. Loose clothing and a good days rest could only do so much to help after all, but he barely had enough energy to guide him through the motions of a normal human being. So gingerly, he stepped off of the last step and opened the door to the kitchen.

Alfred was nearly finished preparing lunch, the wonderful smell perforated the air, but Bruce really didn’t feel much like eating. From the expression on Dick’s face, he didn’t feel much like eating either.

“Good afternoon, Master Bruce.” Alfred’s tone was brisk, cold, and hoarse. Almost like he spent the past 42 hours or so worrying endlessly.

Bruce sat down near Dick and watched the boy look over his homework. The heavy bags under his eyes was all the clue Bruce needed to see in order to conclude that the boy hadn’t slept soundly at all since the incident the other night. Yet here he was, trying to complete his homework before school tomorrow.

Alfred placed down a mug of coffee for Bruce and he blew on his slightly before speaking up.

“Dick, close your book. Forget about homework for now.” Dick paused in his writing. He stuffed the notebook between the pages so that he wouldn’t have to flip back to the correct page later.” Dick looked over at Bruce expectantly. Alfred didn’t stop plating lunch but it was clear he was curious as well. “I think it’s about time we took a vacation ourselves.”

Dick opened and closed his mouth a few times before yelling.

“ARE YOU CRAZY?” Bruce smiled sheepishly.

“You know, it’s always possible.” Alfred eyed Bruce as he set the plates down.

“I think a vacation would be wonderful, I heard there’s a music event going on in the countryside right now.” Bruce nodded.

“That sounds excellent! Thank you, Alfred.” Alfred gave Bruce a small smile. His eyes flickered to Dick before he turned away to begin cleaning the dishes he created when making lunch. “Dick, how about after lunch we pack our bags and go check it out?” Dick’s mouth remained agape as he stared Bruce down.

“Bu-But what about school!? What about Gotham? WHAT ABOUT JOKER!?” Bruce shrugged.

“What about it? We’re just a couple of normal citizens, a playboy and his ward, skipping our typical every-day responsibilities to go have some fun.” Bruce grabbed his fork and began eating ever so nonchalantly. Dick remained quiet for a moment.

“But what about Joker’s big plan?”

“Master Dick, if I may,” Alfred butted in. “The other night was an absolute disaster in almost every way. Sure, you must learn from your mistakes, but you can’t spend every waking moment stressing over things that are currently out of your control. It’s important that you take a break and relax. And who knows, maybe when you come back from your little vacation something useful will have come up.” Bruce nodded.

“Well said, Alfred.” Bruce took another bite and swallowed. “And besides, it’ll only be for a few days. After this little episode no one’s going to want to cause a fuss and those who do, well the police can handle it.”

Dick hung his head and poked at his food, thinking.

“Ok,” he tiredly agreed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_He flew through the air, doing flips and rolls and all types of tricks. Dick Grayson smiled and laughed as he grabbed onto the pole and swung back onto the platform just like his father taught him. He stuck the landing and turned to do a bow._

_BANG!_

_Robin stumbled. His hand pressed to his side and when he pulled it away to look, it was stained with blood. He gapes and the sticky mess and felt almost weightless all of a sudden. As if he were falling. Robin looked to the side and saw Batman watching from the crowd. Someone screamed._

 

“Whoah, there Dick,” Dick jerked awake as Bruce gently shook his shoulder from the driver’s seat. “You’re ok. It was just a nightmare.” Robin rubbed his tired eyes and sat up more. He looked out the window of the moving car.

Rolling hills of farmland greeted him. The sky was painted with hues of purple and orange and yellow and very few clouds slowly moved in the breeze. A small flock of birds made their way across the sky.

“Hey,” Dick turned to look at Bruce who never really looked away from the road. “Do you want to talk about it.” Robin shook his head.

“Not really.” Bruce nodded.

“We still have a few more hours to go. Did you need me to stop for anything?”

“Not really.” Bruce looked a little worried but didn’t comment.

“You know, we don’t HAVE to go to the festival.” Dick shook his head.

“No, it’s ok. There’s a band playing that I kinda wanted to check out anyway.” Bruce remained quiet. Dick tried to relax and stare out the window but he just couldn’t. “Is it…always like that?”

“Like that?”

“The people and guns and…Joker?” Bruce thought for a moment.

“Not typically. To be honest, I typically try to avoid situations like that. I was hoping to keep you away from that kind of stuff but…” Bruce sighed heavily. “I guess I was just being naive.” Bruce tapped a finger on the steering wheel. “You know… it’s ok to change your mind. There’s no need for you to put yourself in danger like that. Lord knows I’d rather you didn’t.”

Dick chewed the side of his cheek and looked back at Bruce. His t-shirt didn’t hide all of the bruises that traveled down his arm and beneath Robin knew the assortment of colors and bandages that wrapped around Bruce’s body. He sighed heavily.

“No. Lord knows things could have turned out way worse for you last night if you didn’t have any help…. You can’t always rely on Joker to help you. That’d be weird wouldn’t it?” Bruce nodded.

“I’ll admit. It’s a little embarrassing that he felt the need to send his top two men to make sure I didn’t die.”

“People,” Dick interrupted. “Persons.” he frowned. “Ace and Deuce.” Bruce nodded. Dick shook his head. “Either way. It’s not like Alfred can or will go out into the field with you and you’re gonna need backup. I was just thinking…. I kinda chocked up a lot more than I should have and we could have died. I’m gonna need a whole lot more training.” Bruce reached over and ruffled Dick’s hair. Dick playfully swatted at Bruce’s hand.

“Honestly, no amount of training can ever fully prepare you for stressful situations. The only thing it really does it help you understand what you need to do and hopefully help you keep your cool.” Dick nodded. “But you’re right. We do need to train a bit more. And, I think we’re gonna need some more upgrades and tricks for next time. What do you think?”

Robin smiled sheepishly and picked at his his sleeve.

“I had a couple of ideas that I think might be helpful.”

“Anything that we might be able to do while we’re on vacation?”

Bruce liked to work out and train even when he wasn’t working so Dick assumed he meant that. But he had something better in mind.

Plus, it’d be pretty cool.

“I wanna learn how to drive a motorcycle.” Bruce looked at him for a moment before he burst into laughter.

“Alright,” he chuckled. “I think we can manage that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this! It was a very difficult chapter and it took me a very long time to work out everything, but I think I did ok!
> 
> BUT IM RUNNING LATE FOR WORK BECAUSE I WANTED TO FINISH THE DAMN THING AND POST IT SO I WILL BE LOOKING OVER IT AGAIN LATER FOR ANY GLARING MISTAKES AND FIX IT LATER I JUST WANTED TO PUT IT UP FOR NOW
> 
> KTHNXBAI


	15. Family Friendly Threatening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some short quality time with Bruce and Dick. Alfred's possibly unfortunate and most definitely worrisome guest. It's not exactly a lot, but it's more than enough.
> 
> *not edited yet just really wanted to put this out since it's been so long*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry i've been taking such a long time to update! But I've finally managed to finish my novel and am in possibly the final stages of editing (after several) before I finally settle on what route I wish to take it in terms of publishing. I still can't decide if I want to self-publish or go professional. I don't exactly have a massive online presence and I really want this story to do well since it is the third book I've written (the first two are utter crap and haven't been published so don't ask).
> 
> This chapter is honestly a lot shorter than I intended it to be, but I've also already written up the outline for the next 3 chapters or so. So there really wasn't any point in trying to stretch this out further. I just really wanted to have some family picturesque bonding time for the boys!!
> 
> So please enjoy!

“So what did you want to show me?” Dick followed Bruce down into the Batcave.

The past few months had been more than difficult on Dick, but he was ready for whatever challenge Bruce decided to present him with. Perhaps today Robin would receive a new set of tools to use and Bruce wanted him to start practicing. Oh! Or maybe today they’d start a new sparring routine with a whole new set of moves to work on!

“You’ll see.” Bruce didn’t turn his head away or try to hide the slight upturn of his lips.

Dick shook and bounced on his heels with excitement as he followed after Bruce. Dim lights snapped on ahead of them as they entered the main part of the cavern. Bruce deliberately took the long way there just to tease Dick and Dick was fully well aware of it. However, Dick wasn’t so sure what it was he was supposed to be excited over as his eyes landed on the two hunks of metal in the center of the platform.

A table set up with tools and two stools sat between the two bikes. Some extra boxes sat off to the side of them and as they walked closer Dick realized that these bikes weren’t in any shape to ridden. Heck, even pushing them down a road would be impossible in their state.

“Hey, um..thanks?” Dick paused and looked at Bruce’s bemused expression. Dick frowned and looked over the bikes, Bruce clearly wasn’t inclined to explain just yet and was patiently waiting for Dick to speak up.

Almost a week ago now the two of them went on a mini vacation. Dick was extremely excited to learn how to ride a motorcycle on Mr. Kent’s ranch, but there was no way he’d be able to ride these. Heck, these pieces of junk would need a whole lot of work before they could even be considered workable and Dick doesn’t know jack about fixing up bikes!

Oh.

“You’re gonna teach me how to fix a bike!?” Dick bounded over to the table and bikes and looked over everything. For a moment he swore he heard Bruce chuckle.

“I figured if you were going to use a motorcycle for your transportation, it’d be beneficial for you to know how to fix and upgrade it on your own.” Dick smiled at Bruce but then looked back over the two bikes.

“But why two?”

“Well, I’m going to show you on one how to fix it and the other will be yours to do yourself.” Dick frowned and looked over the bikes again.

“But two bikes?” 

“One will be your Robin bike, and the other will be your civilian bike.” Bruce walked over to the table and inspected the tools before looking over the bikes. “Come one, lets get started.” Bruce grabbed a wrench and passed one to Dick. He got down on one knee. “Do you know what all the Chassis contains?”

“Um,” Dick’s eyes roved over the bike. “It’s this entire thing, isn’t it?” he gestured to the center part of the bike.

“The Chassis includes the frame, suspension, and front fork.” Bruce pointed to each item. “Here is the engine and this is where the gas tank sits.”

 

~~~~~

 

Alfred settled the food and cups on the cart, arranging everything so that it wouldn’t appear cluttered and off center. He strolled it down to the elevator and pressed five different buttons, the code for the batcave, and waited patiently as the elevator lowered down with a soft hum. He knew Bruce and Dick would end up spending most of the evening in the cave, but that didn’t keep him from growing concerned for their health.

How did he end up with two boys with hyper-focus issues?

Still, as the elevator settled down on the main floor of the cave and the doors opened, Alfred felt a soft warmth settle in his chest. His hand slipped to the hidden camera he kept hidden on the cart and snapped a quick picture of his boys and then hid it once more before pushing the cart out of the elevator and towards the two boys.

And yes, Bruce may be in his twenties now. A man with multiple responsibilities and demons that more than indicate that he is an adult to everyone looking. But to Alfred, Bruce would always be just a boy. The soft boy with tear stained cheeks and a lost expression on his face. The cold boy who focused so much on training and studying that he sometimes forgot to eat. The stern boy outsmarting his peers and teachers with a few short words.

Because no one could ever hope to convince Alfred that Bruce is a man. How could they? When Bruce has his sleeves rolled up, hands and wrists and cheek and forehead all stained with grease and dirt. When his baby blue eyes are twinkling in delight whenever Dick shoots back a quip and laughs. When he points out something to Dick and smiles so brightly because by god that boy is so smart, so eager to learn and listen and love.

It’s like watching two boys playing with their toys in the mud. And although most parents might get a little peeved at their children being so messy, Alfred can’t help but to feel thankful. Bruce could have turned out so much worse.

And when Alfred returns hours later to see Dick’s clothes completely splattered with grease but wholly looking pleased with himself, when he sees Bruce mindlessly punch in codes as he watches a mini bat-mobile that he built himself roll around with a weird precision, Alfred feels content. Almost all of the food has been eaten.

“Playing with your toy car again, Master Bruce?” Alfred watches the car follow the intricate path of white tape Bruce put down onto the cave floor. The tape spans in multiple grid-like directions like roads in a city.

“Model, Alfred.” Bruce scoffs though he knows Alfred is simply teasing him. When he first built it Alfred grilled him about making his own toy car to program rather than just buying and reprogramming another one. “Just testing a navigational system that I plan to implement on our vehicles for emergency retrieval.”

Alfred nodded.

“That should prove to be most useful. Though, I am inclined to remind you that it is getting late and Master Dick does still have school tomorrow.” Dick let out a whine.

“But I just finished the hard part! Bruce said the rest would be easy to replace and fix!”

“Then you’ll have no problem finishing up your bike tomorrow.” Bruce smirked as Dick laid back onto the cold ground with an exaggerated sigh.

“Why don’t you spend the time until then thinking about what you’ll name them.” Alfred suggested. Dick was silent for a moment and then spoke up before Alfred or Bruce could say anything more.

“I already have names.” the two men looked at Dick as he sat back up and rubbed his head.

“Mary,” he pointed to his civilian bike. “And Hummingbird.” he pointed to his Robin bike. Dick kept his head dipped down and to the side as he stood and adjusted his pants. He began to make his way over to the elevator in that same sullen manor until Bruce spoke up.

“Those are excellent names Dick.” Dick paused. “They’d be very proud of you.” Dick wiped away the tears and sniffed. Finally he turned back to Bruce and Alfred and gave them both a small smile.

“I think I’ll go get ready for bed then. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Dick,”

“Sweet dreams, Master Dick.”

As Dick’s back disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, Bruce and Alfred shared a look. Bruce turned away and rubbed his forehead, letting out a heavy sigh and spreading the dirt and grease across his face. Alfred patted Bruce’s shoulder before turning away to clean up the work station.

“It’s ok Alfred. I’m sure you’re tired. I’ll get it.” Alfred’s shoulders slumped.

“As you wish, Master Bruce.”

Alfred watched Bruce as he turned back to his computer, punching in data and codes with a stern frown and sharp crease in his forehead.

“Master Bruce,” Bruce didn’t pause in his typing. For a moment Alfred wondered if Bruce worried over Dick similar to how Alfred himself worried over Bruce, and then he was certain. “You’re doing just fine with him, have no doubt about that.” Bruce let his head roll and sat back away from his computer.

“I know Alfred, but I can’t help but to worry if this is the right choice. If he wouldn’t be happier somewhere else.”

“And you will always wonder and worry about such things. It’s simply a result of being a good guardian.” Bruce rested his head on his chin and turned to look at the bikes.

“Did I ever make you worry this much?”

“More, I’d argue.” Bruce nodded. “But it is getting late, and you are still healing from your injuries Master Bruce. I must insist you at least let me help you clean this up. Your work can continue tomorrow.” Bruce saved his data and got up.

“I’m sure that it’s much worse now though. Especially considering our little visitor last week.” Alfred didn’t worry about concealing his emotions and putting on a pokerface for he still didn’t know how to feel about his surprise visit.

But the bitter taste in his mouth left Alfred feeling hesitant to say anything else on the subject.

“I know you said he didn’t do anything to you, but Joker’s dangerous with his words too. What all did he say, anyhow?”

“He was just testing his waters.”

 

~~~~~

About a week ago

 

Alfred settled down with a sigh as he sipped his tea. He looked over the list of chores he planned to complete before Master Bruce and Master Dick returned from their weekend vacation. Special attention was needed in their respective rooms and restrooms and now might be the best time to deep clean the tiles as well. Their laundry can easily be completed before they return as well. But what else would be a good addition to welcome them back?

Alfred’s phone beeped and he looked at the video Bruce sent him. A small smile wormed it’s way onto the butler’s face as Dick hesitantly rode the bike down the long dirt path, kicking up dust and rocks as he passed Bruce with a hoot. Alfred saved the video and put the teacup back down as the doorbell rang.

He checked the camera feed with a frown. The gardner was already working on the garden out back, there’s no need for him to ring the front door and no one else was scheduled for a visit. Not to mention, Alfred should have been alerted if anyone else approached the front gate.

His heart rate spiked when he saw the clown standing on the front doorstep.

Alfred considered ignoring Joker, however, he knew that would not only reflect poorly on Alfred, but also possibly result in massive collateral damage. So with a heavy sigh he made his way to the front door and put on his best butler mask possible.

“Good afternoon, Master Joker. I am sorry to inform you that Master Bruce is currently away at this time.” Joker scoffed.

Somehow his pasty-white face seemed even paler. His eyes were blood-shot and his hair and outfit were not nearly as ‘put-together’ as they typically were. This version of the Joker was most definitely a more relaxed, possibly tired version. Though whether this version was also the more harmless and placid Joker remained to be seen.

“Where is he then? He’s not at work nor the penthouse!” Joker practically growled.

“Vacation in the country-side. I hate to say he did not give me an idea as to when exactly he’d return, however if you’d like to leave him a message I’d be more than happy to pass it on for you.” Joker scoffed and combed back his hair.

“Of fucking course he’s on vacation.” Joker’s eyes darted around the doorway, into the house, out into the front yard and drive-way. “That’s fine I guess, a message would do, but how about a cuppa tea for the trouble, eh Jarvis?” Joker gave Alfred a wink with a mean looking smile.

Alfred restrained the eye-roll and sigh before stepping back to allow Joker into the mansion.

“Please follow me.”

“Lead the way Wadsworth!” Alfred led Joker back into the kitchen and offered him a seat at the island.

“What type of tea would you like to have, Master Joker?” Joker stared Alfred down for a moment then gave a small smirk.

“Bruce tea, please.” Alfred quirked an eyebrow at Joker.

“Forgive an old man, but I don’t believe I know that turn of phrase.”

“Oh come on Niles! Spill the beans! Tell me the juicy details! Tell me the truth of old Brucey-Babe! You practically raised him yourself didn’t ‘cha?”

Alfred took a deep breath as he stared Joker down. Of course he’d try to get his entertainment even if Bruce wasn’t here to distract him. And with no one else to bother, what better option would there be than to ask personal questions and dig for information on Bruce himself? Surely he’d use whatever he’d learn to his advantage, but there’s one little thing Joker didn’t account for.

“As a Butler, I am not privy to releasing any information on my Master that was not already cleared by Master Bruce himself. If there is anything you would like to know, you’d be better off asking Master Bruce yourself.” Joker’s massive pout was more than a little off-putting but Alfred did his best to not let it get to him.

He noticed how tired Joker looked and set his mind on a drink to make. He wouldn’t fulfill Joker’s desire for information, but he would at least provide him with a good drink. Something to suit his needs.

“Ah come on, Riff Raff, have some fun! Besides, you were practically a father to Baby Boy, i’m sure! I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to gush about your baby boy at least a little bit.”

“You’re running out of solid Butler references.” Joker hung his head with a scathing sigh of disappointment.

“Yeah, I couldn’t decide which one to use and before I knew it, I used all the good ones.”

“What about DuBois or Belvedere?” Joker scoffed. Alfred placed the cup full of coffee down in front of Joker, adding a small saucer of creme to add to his own liking as well as some sugar cubes and the appropriate spoon.

“Too old school.” Joker tested the cup of coffee before shaking his head and adding tons of cream and sugar. He stirred it gently before placing the spoon back down onto his plate and taking another sip.

“That’s arguable.” Joker shook his head.

“You can argue most anything if you have enough confidence in yourself.” Alfred paused then nodded.

“That is true, Master Joker.”

Joker stared Alfred down for a stern minute. Alfred cleaned the tools he used and put them back into the proper place before turning back to Joker.

“Is the coffee to your liking?” Joker rested his head on his hand as he looked Alfred over.

“You’re really loyal to him, huh?” Alfred didn’t respond. “There was really no reason for you to answer the door. No sane person would have. Every other honkey in Gotham would have run for the hills crying or cowering in fear, but you let me in and made me a drink just like I requested.”

“I’m simply a butler doing his job.” Joker didn’t break eye contact whilst he took another sip from his cup.

“Then you’re crazy too.” Joker giggled into his cup. He leaned back and let out a neat guffaw. “It’s funny, actually. You’re just as sassy as Bruce. Perhaps he gets it from you.”

Alfred fought the twitch of his lips. Of course his Master would sass Joker. And OF COURSE Joker would find it delightful and entertaining rather than shooting him on the spot.

“Well, he does have to get it from somewhere.” Joker giggled and finished his coffee. “Would you like another cup?” Joker shook his head.

“Nah, I figured I’ll stop harassing you.” He stood up. Alfred followed him to the door, opening it once more for him. “Thanks for the coffee Alfred. It hit the spot!” somehow his smile seemed less mean and more sincere though that only went to worry Alfred more.

“I’m pleased to hear that, Master Joker.” Joker nodded.

“Ah, but one more question before I go.” Joker rested an arm on the doorway, leaning in towards Jarvis with a strange twinkle in his eye. “What do you think would break Bruce more? Burning down a building full of his employees with no way to escape, or murdering you and that little ward of his?”

Alfred flinched back but resisted the urge to slam the door on the clown. Joker, however, saw the spark of fear and let out a vicious laugh, turning away and marching down the long driveway. All the while, Alfred watched the clown, making sure that he actually left before shutting the door and returning to his phone. He ran to the security room and checked all of the cameras and the alarm system, keeping an eye out on Joker’s whereabouts up until he drove off in his beat-up stolen car.

“Hey Alfred, what’s up?”

“Our friendly neighborhood clown just paid me a short visit and threatened us as well as your employees. I think he most definitely intends to hurt you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is wondering, Mary is supposed to be Dick's mother. I had been mulling over whether to name one bike after each parent but I figured since it's typically tradition to name vehicles after females I'd stick to just his mother. Hummingbird isn't anything official and as far as I've seen (I might be wrong) Robin doesn't have a name for his bike so I thought Hummingbird might also provide a nice nod to his mother whilst following the theme. Because really, what family of trapeze artists would nick-name their son Robin and not have other bird affiliated names for the rest of the family?
> 
> Anyhow, my initial goal to finish this story by the end of July might very well be impossible due to all of the other tasks I have to complete, but I hope to be finished by early August!
> 
> I hope none of you are overly disappointed by the lack of Bruce and Joker action this fic has but I just couldn't get myself to force it together for some pwp and I really haven't been in the mood to just write pwp anyhow. But this fic ended up scratching Batman itches I was never fully aware I had and I hope it at least incites something inside of you too, my wonderful readers.
> 
> alsoalsoalso the next chapter is going to be 100% Batgirl and nothing else....ok maybe some Catwoman....and some Batman at the end.
> 
> GET HYPED YO!


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